Will my ex boyfriend come back, or is our relationship really "dead"?

[Jess1972]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and half. We're seventeen. We were eachothers love, first long relationship, lost our virginity to eachother, etc. I was his first kiss too.

What makes it even sweeter (and harder to move on) is that he liked me ever since sixth grade, and up until we started dating, we talked now and again. Then eventually we started dating. So it's kinda like a cute lil love story.

We started being together in May, and After a year of being together, I decided to take a break to explore myself. We broke up, and after the month was over we hungout. We both still had strong feelings for eachother but he said he was the happiest he'd ever been and didn't know if he wanted to get back together. For the rest of summer, we talked and hung out now and again and eventually got back together around August. Our relationship improved a lot and we were very happy together, our relationship was great. Then randomly one day, we were driving and got in a huge fight. He broke up with me and we were apart for two weeks. When we got back together, it was a little different because I was very fragile and afraid of him hurting me again like that, because the night of that breakup I saw a very cruel, careless and downright mean side to him that i had never seen before. So, because of my trust issues, I would ask him randomly how he felt about me and random stuff to make sure. I didn't trust him as much. I was afraid of heartbreak. So then one day, he ditched me to hang with friends. I was extremely hurt. He wasn't sorry or caring or anything. We fought through text all day and he was cold, rude, and careless. We hungout the next day and almost broke up but instead he held me in close and we were great and back to normal and good and happy again. Until about two weeks later. I was alone on a Saturday night and sad. So I texted him about how I was feeling sad and like I had no friends. He tried a little but mostly brushed it off and said he was busy. When he acts careless, it only makes me more irrational and hurt. So this caused us to get in a big text drama again.

Next day when we hung, he said he'd lost all feelings for me and had been losing feelings for two weeks. I had lost feelings too, but didn't admit that because I didn't want to break up and wanted to work to reconnect instead. We still stayed together for a week tho bc he wanted to be sure. We had a great time that week. We cuddled, had sex, laughed, etc. Then, during a hangout, he said the feelings still weren't there. His three reasons for breaking up where 1) our relationship died out, 2) he wanted to be single and "free", and hookup with another girl (im the only girl he's ever even kissed) and 3) we'd have break up by college anyways, so there's no point (but college is a year and half away). He said he wanted to be with me, he just didn't think it was best. During the breakup process, we cried (mostly me but him too), he held me, we kissed passionately and everything. During the breakup, the feelings we thought we were missing came back for both of us super strong.

It's only been two days since we broke up. All I can do is cry and cry. When I text him, he's cold and rude, so I've stopped texting him. I can't stand losing him. I don't think our relarionship is dead; otherwise why'd we feel so much during the break? When I told mom, she said it's impossible to lose feelings for someone youve been with so long in two weeks. She said it wasn't lost feelings; just boredom, but that young highschoolers aren't mature enough to know the difference between losing feelings and boredom. This makes sense to me. My stepdad said that too. My mom also suggested that he's afraid because we're so serious (hence the college reason and freedom) yet so young.

Has he really lost feelings? Or is he just letting fears get in the way? I don't want to lose him. My mom thinks he's just bored and will be back in 2 weeks or a few months after he realizes, but I'm not so sure. This is the first breakup we haven't called "just taking a break", and It just seems more serious. In the summer, I had contacted him and initiated our first hangout first. This time, I can't initiate anything first, Its in his position. I don't think what we had was dead, I think he is just bored and doesn't know, but still. I want him back. I don't want to go through months of misery over him. That's the most painful part of a breakup; no matter how much you try to move on, it will no matter what be hell for at least a few months. I'm in love with him so Idek what to do now. It doesn't help that my mom and stepdad are so positive he will try to come running back, because that just brings me hope and hope is a shitty feeling because it only makes the reality worse if you don't get what you hoped for. I don't know how to move on properly; I don't know how long to spend my days crying and laying in bed and not eating before it becomes unhealthy, but I also don't know how much I can try and distract myself with other things before im just surpressing emotions and being unhealthy.

Do you think there's a chance he will come back? Or is it really "dead"? Regardless, how do I move on and get through this? How do I lose the hopes for him and how do I lose that we're-meant-to-be feeling?

[basilandthyme]

Yep, it's over. And yep, it's going to hurt terribly. I know he said that his feelings went in the last two weeks, but in reality his feelings have been dropping ever since the fight in the car. You didn't say what the fight was about but I'd be very curious to know BOTH sides of that story.

But as in all things in life, this is a learning experience. You will date many more men yet. Some great - some not so great - but you'll eventually find 'the one'. As for this guy, being "meant to be" is only true if both people feel that way. If it's become one sided, then he's not the one.

[Jess1972]

The big fight in the car was about him selling prescription pills because it worried me and I didn't want him to put himself in that risky situation, like what if he got caught etc. but it was the biggest fight we ever got in; led to me throwing the drink he just got me out the window and Him blasting the music to purposly give me a headache and yelling "**** you" (I have a brain disease thing that causes headaches easy). It was the only time we've ever fought in such an irrational and crazy way.

- - - Updated - - -

Also, I made the after-the-car-fight portion seem really bad.. We were happy when we got back together. Things went well except for me asking him questions due to insecurity, but other than that things were great as before and we even resolved more issues. The car fight still could be when he started losing feelings, I just felt the need to add that it wasn't awful afterwards in case that helps

[basilandthyme]

So, you're wanting to get back together with a drug dealer. And your concern is not that he's doing something wrong, but that he might get caught?

This is so fcked up. Good luck. I'm outta here