Sharing chores

[milk&honey]

Discuss this with her and I'm sure you both can come to an agreement on this. You have some pretty good advice here. It's not going to be easy to start this talk with her but you'll just have to do it. All the best!

[James_]

I have been married for 38 years and if we didn't have the list conversation then I'd still be picking his underwear up off the bdrm floor like his mother did for him. His mother did me no favours by not giving him a list of things he needed to do as a young boy and then a teenager living in her and his dad's home.

Wakeup, not to stir up a hornet's nest, but this could be a whole new thread: Mom's who baby their sons. I'd find it interesting to see the comments.
It's funny, a lady at work will complain about her husband when he's sick and so needy, but guess what... she takes her 21 year old son to the doctor when he's not feeling well and spend the afternoon taking care of him. LOL

This is exactly the same with the lady that I'm seeing right now. Oh my, Johnny (teenager) has a scrape on his arm, I better rush him off to urgent care. But then I break my leg and out of commission for awhile, and I'm left to fend for myself.

I'm not trying to imply that you're like that, but I just see an awful lot of double standards with this topic. lol

[Wakeup]

There is no double standard from me. Equality baby, and that means in chores as well as the work force and pay equity for the same job whether a man or a woman happens to be doing it.

Your g/f is lazy or clueless (if she's clueless then I blame her parents for not making her do chores while she lived at home) and I implied as much in my first post [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=4]#4[/URL] when I said that it was very telling that she just didn't take it upon herself to volunteer to do some of the work.

I wonder, does your lady make her teenage son help around her own home or is he being taught that he doesn't have to do anything as long as someone else is doing it for him?

[James_]

I wonder, does your lady make her teenage son help around her own home or is he being taught that he doesn't have to do anything as long as someone else is doing it for him?

Not only does she allow him to leave stuff laying around at her place, but mine as well. So I'm picking up after both of them. *sigh* As far as how she grew up; she was not pampered, and she's not lazy, so it's probably more the clueless thing. It's a mind-boggle to me. Yes, I know... the writing is on the wall. I guess I was looking for a reality check.

And that's awesome that you don't have a double standard with that other topic.

[Wakeup]

Not only does she allow him to leave stuff laying around at her place, but mine as well. So I'm picking up after both of them. *sigh*

Well, you do know that you're an enabler then, right?

Stop picking up after them and kindly ask her son to clean up after himself. You're training both of them that you'll do it for them so why should they make the effort?

Good luck with it, James. It seems that All Three Of You need some retraining.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, if she's directly making somewhat of a mess, or her son is, then honestly my opinion changes a little bit in that I think she should have been helping in the first place. You shouldn't be expected to be picking up after her, and certainly shouldn't be for her son either.

Either way, though, it was one thing to deal with it before, but now that she'll be moving in that needs to stop. So, agreed with a lot of the advice you've gotten here so far. (You know, except maybe from that "EvilJester" dude. Not so sure I trust that weirdo. :-P ) Best to deal with it now rather than just hope that she has a clue and actually takes it upon herself to help once she actually lives with you full time. Good luck to you.

[woody]

Words of wisdom from all folks here for you James.
Yes, we all need to pitch in when it comes to chores. All. And if she has a teenager who let's face, their always messy on top of her not pitching in as she ought, well, that'd be enough for you to start feeling the imbalance big time.

I'm sure you've already had a nice chat with her about this as the thread isn't new and I hope it went well for you. If she did get defensive, it could be how she was raised. Many Mothers cater to their children waaaay too much and if her's did, the pattern seems to continue.
This is not fair to you. You two are moving in together and keeping house is work. Work that needs balance.

I hope she gets that. I also hope your standards are similar. Often, what one finds clean, others do not.
It is time to put her grown up pants on... Hope it all works out well for you