Truth or hiding something?

[sbranch12]

Hello!!

Me and my boyfriend share a laptop, and I've seen some things that have weirded me out in the past on there...such as him looking through countless women's profiles on VK and liking all their slutty pictures. I spoke to him about it and got over it and he said he stopped doing it. But the other day I went to copy and paste a link in to google, I guess I hadn't copied my link and ended up pasting the last thing he copied in to google...it was this message...

"Hello Sexy!

I like it to be rough. If you have your toys, it will make the game more interesting and spicy.

Be ready to get on to your knees and suck. Also I want you to ride me as hard as you can.

You have to scream and scratch me with your nails. Don't be shy! Let all our fantasies come true."

I obviously confronted him about it and things got uncomfortable. He started off trying to lie saying it's been on there for ages...it's old...etc. Eventually he told me he sent it to "some chick" and then after that he said it was a response he sent to "some chick" from a spam email account. Basically he told me that it was copied on there because he replied to a dirty spam email for fun. It didn't even go to a real chick. I obviously didn't believe him, and to be honest, still don't. But he continues to stand by the fact it didn't even go to a real woman...what is the likelihood that this is true?! I gave him one last chance to tell me the truth and he still stood by this. He said he sent it then deleted it right after, so there's no proof of it. I just can't believe it...I want to, but it's hard for me! We have been together two years, and I do love him, I just can't trust him, I don't believe him. I don't think he cheated, and maybe this message was just for fun or whatever, but even if he didn't physically cheat, the fact he even wrote these words disgusts me.

He also lied at first about where that message came from, he said he copied it from some dirty website, then eventually told me the truth and said he wrote it himself. Also, I found proof that he has still been browsing through all these random women's profiles on VK, even though I expressed to him a few times how I didn't like it. Usually when I bring up my feelings toward something like this it is met with him making me feel stupid for even feeling that way. He has apologized a lot about this dirty message I found, which is unlike him, but it isn't helping.

What are your thoughts on this? I appreciate any input!

Thanks so much for your help

[basilandthyme]

I'm sorry you're going through this. But the reason you can't believe him is because he's talking sh1t to you. Of course it's going to a real woman! If he's not having sex with women in person, he's certainly cheating via cybersex.

Do you live with him? How easy is it for you to end things with him?

[sbranch12]

I do live with him, it would be easy enough to end it, I have already tried but he has convinced me to try and work things out...I just want him to tell me the truth!! I knew it was bullsh*t!

[basilandthyme]

He's not going to tell the truth, so don't bother with that route. He may beg and plead and say that you've got it wrong, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

You just have to follow your instincts on this one.

[sbranch12]

Thank you for your advice!!

[michelle23]

I agree. Hes defo lying. That message sounds like hes lining up someone to go out and cheat with and it was written recently. It wouldn't stay in a copy for that long. I emailed a load of solicitors last week to get quotes coz were buying a house. I copied and pasted the same message to all of them. Just tried to do it now and its gone.. its fairly obvious you cannot trust him. This is the second or third time you have caught him so why are you still there? He needs to learn his lesson and the best way for that to happen is for you to pack up your things while hes not there and let him come home to an empty house. Also block his number so he cannot contact you..

[Wakeup]

I wouldn't trust him either but for what it is worth... there certainly are spam bots that solicit people and target your IP address so that it appears that the "bot" is someone who lives in the same IP address vicinity. Yahoo Messenger used to be notorious for those bots soliciting sex chat... They don't know the sex of who is in chat and several times they solicited me when I still used messenger. The difference though is that I just ignored it and didn't respond with just as much filth.

That's neither here nor there thou. The fact is your trust for him is broken and this type of issue will keep haunting you until the relationship is a former shell of itself.

If you are going to stay with him then you would do well to get couples counseling so that you learn to trust again and he learns to be trustworthy. I don't think you'll ever be able to resolve with just you and he on your own.

BTW: It's also quite possible that his cut and paste turned up because you didn't highlight properly. Its happened to me on this site a dozen times when I've tried to highlight and quote but the last quote (from a completely different thread) has been pasted.

[woody]

You already know what needs to be done. If you can't trust a man, you can't be with him without seriously damaging your own self worth, integrity and love of self. You've got the proof you need. He'll only continue to lie and deflect blame onto you; a truly lame thing to do.
Sorry your in love with the guy but lady, you can't put up with this. If he had come clean completely and admitted what he did, at least you'd know he's truthful at any cost; but he did not and then to top it, he attempts to make you feel like the silly one. Well, F that.
Hey, i'm a fan o man and romance. I don't often encourage someone to break up but in this case, yeah, ... You deserve better, no matter how good he looks or how nice he may be sometimes, if it walks like, talks like, it usually is.
Ditch the Prick.

[USAbro]

I don't know all the details. If I was there I could tell you for sure. However, I would have to say that those types of messages usually are spam to suck guys in, to either porn sites or virus, that could steal information. But usually messages with that kind of text are fake and don't actually go anywhere. You could install a key logger and find out for sure. In fact, that is what I would do if I were in your situation. A key logger would log all the key strokes on the machine and send them to a secure web account. Key loggers are fairly hard to detect and would probably catch him before he caught it.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!