just another sad story

[Torrent]

Hi everyone, as many of you have shared their broken heart stories so I thought I should too. Maybe there is something about sharing such things that helps to move on.

I was about 22 years old when we met, I wasn't "in love" on the first date, but I sure fell for her. To get a better picture you should know that I am one of those shy guys, I wouldn't know if a girl likes me or not even if she flirted her heart out. I would be thinking that she is playing with me, or that she just wants to be friends. I don't open up to anyone, especially if I like a woman, its embarrassing really, I seem to forget how to talk and I just smile like an idiot trying to figure out what to say.
But somehow it all worked out, we had a lot in common and we talked usually into the night. I fell in so deep for her that I couldn't imagine a life without her, and she told me that she felt the same way. We didn't have much, we rented an apartment and worked our asses off just to get by. But she gave me a purpose to be better then I was, and I sure wasn't much back then, but I made a pretty good career and eight years later we didn't have financial problems anymore. In all those eight years I cared for her, loved her, never even raised my voice to her, supported her in every way I knew how and in the beginning I was everything for her as-well, but as I worked harder to support us so that we might buy our own apartment or a house in the future, she became more distant. Then it turned out that we could never have children, it was very hard for her, but I swore that I would never leave her, not because of this. But she kept on telling me that I should find someone else, someone with whom I could have a family and every time she brought it up I reassured her that she is all that matters for me and that we can work it out, find a way if we choose to.
Half a year later she wanted to quit her job, you see, she was working with children every day and it had become very hard on her to watch happy families. So I supported her in this choice and we lived on just one income for a while, then I asked one of my friends to help her get a telephone support job, one of those simple ones where you help people with their phone bills and ask them to restart their router if the internet is not working.
This is where the story takes a turn, as she was already growing distant she became even more distant then before, started to buy sexier clothes, came home with roses while telling me that she bought them herself and stayed away longer, telling me that she had long hours or a meeting with colleges, what hurt me the most back then was that she thought that im an idiot, gullible and completely naive. But I didn't say anything, I let her lie to me, hoping that she would come clean and at the same time I hoped that I was just overreacting, maybe its something completely innocent, but it just got worse, she became secretive, just for an example, she always minimized the browser of the computer when I was near by and out of the blue for no reason at all I found that her phone had a password on it when I tried to use her phone to find my own one day. She said that her job required it. You see, I work as a programmer and I had never heard of such a requirement anywhere, especially for private phones.
And then one day when she bought a new phone and I was curious about the new toy and was playing around with it, an SMS came in, with the words "I love you" ... you should have seen her face or mine, I was confused and she immediately started to apologize asking if she had become foul to me. I never thought I would react the way I did, I had imagined such a situation in my head a 100 times thinking that I would just leave, pack my stuff and get out, never to look back, but I just sat there, like a statue.
So she promised to end it, telling me that its nothing and that im this and that and how important I am, it all just was so fuzzy in this moment and what I did was that I said that I forgive her. But she didn't quit, and yet again I forgave her and so it went on for half a year, by now you must think I am pathetic, I have, but if there is something like unconditional love, then this is what I am sure I felt for her, of course I was disappointed and furious even, I felt confused and betrayed, I never actually forgave her for what she did and she saw it in my eyes, because I know I could never look at her with trust and respect again.
At that time my world collapsed on me, as I had said before, she had given me purpose to strive further then I am sure I could have never gone alone, and all of a sudden I felt that I had wasted my life away. Eight years gone by, and I had nothing to show for it, only anti depressants and some furniture in a rented apartment.
So I took a loan from the bank, alone, and bought an apartment that needed a lot of work and I put all of myself in it, I was so determined to finish it, even all of my friends came out to help me build it, all I was thinking back then was what she had told me about this idea, she said: "you can't even hit a nail on the head", implying that I was working in the IT not in construction, but for me it showed how little confidence she had in me. And when the apartment was almost renovated she came to break up with me.
Few weeks later she wants to come back and I let her, just so she could leave me a month later the second time, telling me that I didn't work on the relationship as much as she wanted. How could I ? ... she never did admit that she cheated on me ... so I let her go, I never asked her to come back, nor even called her later on.
It has been a year and I still think about her and what she did, I am not sure if I love her anymore, but I sure know I have become to hate her, but I still wish her best.

sorry for the long post, if nobody reads it, its still fine, I just needed to write about it.

[woody]

Gee wiz man. That's a doozy. May I say, I imagine you hit that nail rather well....
Okay, may I ? My two bits.

In the beginning stages, things were good. Then she finds out she cannot have children naturally. While the whole infertility issue may have been a starting factor in her distance and eventual sabotage towards the union, You put your heart into it, you worked hard as did she for a spell until working with kids became too heartbreaking for her. Then you helped get her a job and the affair started. Another attempt to sabotage on her part OR some truer colours coming through. Maybe a bit of both. Hints that she was having an affair were dropped yet you stood by her and by doing this, her misplaced sense of respect towards you heightened. She could have been thinking, "god, I can't have kids, I cheat on him and he's still nice to me??!wtf' BUT, you must know, what she did, no matter what her reasons, was wrong. Wrong and indicative of character.
She also insulted your abilities with a hammer. Tell me, when you bought the fixer uper, did she move in with you off the get go or did she move in once the place was fixed up only to then toy with your emotions and leave again?

Man, your doing just fine you know that? You've got your career, you've got heart, a place you worked on yourself, you have your friends. Everything you did over the past decade led you to where you are now. There is no wasted time. Okay? No wasted time.
Everything will be alright.
Enjoy your home. Go buy a large plant, a wok and make a stir fry. Start dating again. You have much to offer to a kind woman. Take your time, take things in stride and enjoy the process because man, this is your life.... and your doing very well.

[Torrent]

Thank you
I wont start dating again in the foreseeable future. I have no trust for anyone new anymore, not yet at least. I suppose I still haven't gotten over her cheating on me, I think the worst part is that she didn't admit to it although all the facts where on the table, she acted like she would want to spare me from getting even more hurt, at least this is what I am thinking, but it is not helping me at all, even though the guy that she cheated on me with looked me up one day and confessed and asked for forgiveness, she dumped him also, shortly before we broke up, he said that she wanted to fix everything with me.
I have to say, I really thought about kicking his ass, I know I could have, but I didn't, because I realized that he was just some guy that I didn't even know, it wasn't his fault that I had an unfaithful woman by my side, to be honest, I somehow always suspected that it would end this way.
So I think there is something to learn from my story for everyone, I think you should always be honest, even if it hurts

[woody]

Indeed, honesty, no matter how much it may hurt, is always better than living a life mislead.

Well I wish you well there man. Hey, you've got the home, the good gig, buddies. You'll meet a fine woman when your ready. Don't get jaded; most people don't cheat.

You'll recognize her (even though you've never seen her before) as she will you some fine day or night and that will be that.
Here's hoping you bought that wok.