I have no idea how to sum up my problem in a title... plz read&reply

[Birna]

So, first of all we are 22 and 27, BDSM active straight couple, just putting that out there so there will be no confusion later on. and we have been living together since june 2013.

in the beginning, our sexlife was great, it was two sided and he would take initiative and be both active and passive, that means he was sometimes the sub and sometimes the Dominant. But lately he seems less interested in being the dominant party and seems to actively avoid that role. which would be all fine and dandy if he were to tell me either why the change of heart or just straight out saying something instead of skitting around the subject.

We have also spent some time conversing about lifeplans, what we want and what we don't. Like engagement, marriage, kids, house, pets.. the whole shenanigans... thing is I want a family of my own.. I moved overseas to be with him and rarely see my family and well his family consist of his parents(who are my grandparents age) and his sister who is about my mothers age(yes I have rater young parents). so there is not very much communicating there. He's not ready yet, which is fine, but it makes me wonder since he is changing what he wants in the bedroom weather he is either pulling himself away from me or if he is just becoming more comfortable in our relationship and doesn't like the pressure of being the dominant. Should I cut him some slack on the subject or press him for answers?

I really don't mind waiting on the kids part, but getting engaged seems like the next step for me anyways.

[basilandthyme]

Birna, you do need to talk with him further. I'm not sure how you are approaching the subject of him not being dominant now, but make sure to avoid blame. Use open ended non-blaming wording such as "I've noticed that you're not being dominant so often these days. How are you feeling about it?" If he gives a non-committal answer such as "I don't know", it's OK to tell him that you miss it or even that it's important to you.

If having discussion on this topic is proving impossible, then you might have to face that you've got communication issues. And communication issues don't bode well for marriage. If he can't communicate about this, then he may not communicate about other important issues which pop up.

You wonder if he's pulling away from you. Is he pulling away in other areas too? Or is the rest of your relationship highly satisfactory?

[Birna]

everything else is the way it has always been wich is why I feel like I'm getting mixed signals about this. thank you for your answer, I think we will have a talk tonight over some cake and hot chocolate ^_^