Was she innocent?

[jamiemorgas1984]

Hi,

I wanted to get a female perspective on this if I may. My girlfriend of 1.5 years recently told me after I asked her- that 2 months ago a guy had tried to kiss her in a bar at a friends birthday drinks. When I asked her what happened, she replied I gave him my number.

She denied knowing his name, she gave him the number out of fear that he would try to kiss her again, that she left the place with him, that she liked him or that she kept the message. However, after some time she admitted that she did know the guy's name (he was a friend of a friend there that night who she met), that she thought he was hot, that she actually left the bar alone with him when everyone else was going to get a cab (somehow ended up at a bus stop), and that she typed her number into his phone thinking that would make him leave her alone. He put his arms around her waist and was pulling her towards him saying give me a kiss. I also, after asking to see her phone found that the text was still on there.

She says that when she got home that night (her friends came back supposedly to pick her up after he jumped on a bus) she sat outside her house and cried, as she has put herself in a vulnerable position. She text me at 3:15am saying- I miss you. My friends call this 'the guilty text'.

It read- Hey Kitten, great night last night, great laughs, great chat. I am around this afternoon if you want to grab a coffee.

She admitted that two weeks after this event her mutual friend was telling her how much this guy was talking about her and that they should go out. She said she hated that friend from that day on (however, a few weeks after that I met this friend at a party and my gf introduced me to her, saying she was 'her best friend').

She swears it meant nothing, she would have remembered kissing him. However, I asked her to facebook this guy asking what happened? After that she says she may have kissed him and she just cant remember as she was so drunk.

Before this event, she was always scared of me leaving her, with no basis to be scared. However, after this event and before I knew about it, she has said a few times that if I wasn't happy with her I should just leave.

I also remember that the next time I saw her which was a Sunday (this happened on a Friday night), was the only time she didn't want to have sex.

She is very apologetic but has left me a voicemail saying I am pushing her away by not meeting with her (I haven't in a week as I said I want to think about things). I have until the end of the day to make up my mind or she will just leave as it isn't fair.

Could this be as innocent as she is making out? Why would she lie over every detail?

[basilandthyme]

They probably did kiss. If this is a sole glitch in an otherwise great relationship, I would probably just let it go if I were in your shoes..

However, does she have a history of making bad decisions when drunk? To me, this is a bigger issue.

[jamiemorgas1984]

Yes, she gets drunk a lot and can't remember what happened. She was found at a work party passed out in the toilets. Before she met me she had a lots of one night stands whilst drunk.

[basilandthyme]

A one off glitch is one thing - but your girl seems to have some serious alcohol issues going on. In this case, I'd be talking not about the possible kiss, but the bigger issue of binge drinking and lack of self control with alcohol. And let it be said, I'm an Aussie and am coming in with an attitude to drinking which is similar to the UK. Even in our cultures which accept heavy drinking, I'd say that her choices are unacceptable.

[Wakeup]

I'm agreeing with basil.

... and I'll add:

she has said a few times that if I wasn't happy with her I should just leave.

I think you should just leave because she's a horrible prospect for a happy life together. She has a drinking problem that leads to her dropping committed relationship boundaries.

You're better off without her because her alcohol addiction will just get worse to the point that you drive yourself crazy trying to change her. Can you imagine having children with someone that drinks so much that they forget things? Scary, that.