He said I'm the best thing that's happend to him, what does this mean?

[kp184]

He also asked me not to give up on him, that I'm precious and so lovely and he is lucky to be with me and he wants to make me happy...I'm pretty sure what all this means, just curious as to what everyone else thinks? BTW we are in our mid 20s, both graduated and working and we've been together over a year now and he hasn't said I love you yet but I have.

[hunterprincess]

I think this is one of those things where you have to know about his past to understand where he is coming from. If a guy hasn't said he loves you after a year, that's a red flag. I am not saying something is wrong with your relationship, but he may have had a bad heart break or some skeleton in his closet that makes it hard for him to open up. If he is communicating with you that he is trying to work through it then it's a good thing. Talk to him. Sometimes the best thing one can do is ask questions and try and understand there partner better. My only advice is don't attack him with questions or make it seem like a criticism. For instance, I wouldn't recommend saying 'why haven't you said you loved me yet?'

[Wakeup]

Why didn't you ask him that question? Is this the same dude you've been on here about before where you told him you loved him and he didn't say it back because it was too soon for him?

If it is, have you met his friends, his family yet or is he still keeping you basically a secret from them?

[dontaskme]

I wouldn't recommend saying 'why haven't you said you loved me yet?'

What's wrong with that ^^^?

Quit beating around the bush and ask him the question ^^^?

[hunterprincess]

In my limited experience and with the guys I have dated and associated with, if they feel attacked or criticized they are less likely to open up or have a productive conversation with you. In a sense, if one is to start and inquiry into someone's potential darkened past then they need to create a safe environment in which the person can open up and not feel judged.

[dontaskme]

It's been a year for fukcs sake, that's not attacking or judging. She has the right to know by now.

[hunterprincess]

Things are not always as simple as they may seem. People come with baggage and history, that in some cases dictates who they are and what they do in the present. I have had experience with emotionally closed off guys, with guys that come from broken homes and have been physically abused by their parents. I am not saying being straight forward isn't the right thing to do, but some situations and some people have to be handled lightly and with care. I think trying to understand why someone is doing something, will help communication in the long run. The old saying, "walk a mile in their shoes," is a very applicable quote for relationships.

[dontaskme]

Again, it's been a year for crying out loud, if she hasn't known the man she's sleeping with who refuses to say "I love you", then there is something deeply wrong with the OP.

Quit being attracted to drama princess. Drama only attracts the people who are actively looking for it.

Be straightforward and ask, if he refuses to say the words, then you just saved yourself some precious time and unnecessary distress.

[basilandthyme]

On the "love you" question, I agree that one shouldn't use the exact phrase "why haven't you said you love me yet?". It comes across as an attack.

However, after one year, it is perfectly OK to ask how he feels about you. If he again says "you're the best thing which has happened to me", it's OK to follow up with "do you love me?". If he can't give an ILY when you ask directly, then I agree that you need to reconsider staying with him. If he doesn't love you after a year, it's unlikely that he ever will.

[Wakeup]

It's been a year for fukcs sake, that's not attacking or judging. She has the right to know by now.

I agree and not only that... after all this time with her he should know by now whether or not he loves her and Op should be asking if what he's saying about her (in the opening post) means that he loves her.

Op: I ask again... why is he saying "don't give up on me?" Are you threatening to leave him for not being on the same page as you?