What to think of a GF...

[ippn1]

we have been together for a year. We are both 28 now. So we had our one year anniversary on Wednesday. We dont have regular sex (she lives at home and she rarely came to my place where we can have sex even tho i invite her quite often she came only once a month). So on Wednesday we went to a dinner and during dinner i suggested/invited her to come to my place on Saturday, but she declined invitation, because her best friend came back from holidays - she was gone for 14 days, and my gf rather wait for her at home to have a drink with her than come to my place and make some love. To think about it, things like this happened several times - that friends or some other stuff were priority over me.

She also gave me nothing for our anniversary even tho she was constantly counting how many months/weeks/days are still missing till one year together, so i thought its a big deal to her. Am i wrong to being hurt?!?

[TheEvilJester]

Are you wrong to be hurt? No. Not at all. Quick question, does she make a decent paycheck? If she doesn't make a lot of money, then I wouldn't say she should have spent much on you, but it was your one year anniversary. You at least do something special. How would she have felt if you didn't get her anything or make a big deal of it at all? She'd think you didn't consider her important.

You have been together for a year, and she can only spare time to get together with you once a month? Maybe it is just me, but that sounds inexcusable. Maybe I am just being cynical, I don't know. But that sure as heck doesn't sound like she is treating you like a priority. Mind you, sometimes she should see her friends, just as you should sometimes see yours. You two shouldn't need to be together 24/7/365. But, once a month? When you two are supposedly boyfriend and girlfriend? Uh uh. I'm sorry, that just wouldn't cut it for me.

Personally, my advice would be to end things and explain to her that you understand if that isn't what she wants and you don't fault her, but you need somebody who will treat you like a priority and not an option. Though, that is only my advice. I can't say for sure that is what you should do. Only you really know what you think is best. Maybe there is more to her we don't know that makes you think she is worth keeping. That is up to you to decide. But, I personally think everybody deserves to be with somebody who is crazy about them. Everybody deserves to be with somebody who considers them their top priority, not somebody who constantly makes you feel unimportant. Good luck to you.

[ippn1]

Are you wrong to be hurt? No. Not at all. Quick question, does she make a decent paycheck? If she doesn't make a lot of money, then I wouldn't say she should have spent much on you, but it was your one year anniversary. You at least do something special. How would she have felt if you didn't get her anything or make a big deal of it at all? She'd think you didn't consider her important.

You have been together for a year, and she can only spare time to get together with you once a month? Maybe it is just me, but that sounds inexcusable. Maybe I am just being cynical, I don't know. But that sure as heck doesn't sound like she is treating you like a priority. Mind you, sometimes she should see her friends, just as you should sometimes see yours. You two shouldn't need to be together 24/7/365. But, once a month? When you two are supposedly boyfriend and girlfriend? Uh uh. I'm sorry, that just wouldn't cut it for me.

Personally, my advice would be to end things and explain to her that you understand if that isn't what she wants and you don't fault her, but you need somebody who will treat you like a priority and not an option. Though, that is only my advice. I can't say for sure that is what you should do. Only you really know what you think is best. Maybe there is more to her we don't know that makes you think she is worth keeping. That is up to you to decide. But, I personally think everybody deserves to be with somebody who is crazy about them. Everybody deserves to be with somebody who considers them their top priority, not somebody who constantly makes you feel unimportant. Good luck to you.

Once a month - i was talking about sex. We see each other 2, 3 times per week. She is affectionate, always invites me on friends bdays, family members bdays, is caring, and she initiates dates half the time we see each other. We hear each other everyday. but the lack of sex has always been a problem - since the start. there were many times we havent had sex for 5,6,7 week straight and she never said a thing about it, like she doesnt even care!

[basilandthyme]

>>like she doesn't even care!<<

Perhaps you've identified the problem here. It could well be that she doesn't care about sex.

Also, why is she still living at home? And why doesn't she come to your house more often? I'd be jumping at the chance if I still lived at home.

[Wakeup]

She's frigid, a-sexual or your libidos do not match. All good reasons to talk to HER (not us) about your obvious discontent.

If you've never talked to her about this then how would she know that you're not satisfied with things the way they currently are?

[ippn1]

She's frigid, a-sexual or your libidos do not match. All good reasons to talk to HER (not us) about your obvious discontent.

If you've never talked to her about this then how would she know that you're not satisfied with things the way they currently are?

i talked to her about it at least 3 times. But nothing ever change. We have sex soon after converastion/argument about it and then the dry cycle continoues for another 4,5,6 or more weeks...

[Wakeup]

i talked to her about it at least 3 times. But nothing ever change. We have sex soon after converastion/argument about it and then the dry cycle continoues for another 4,5,6 or more weeks...

That's called the ole "bait and switch"

Dump her. She's not a very sexual person if she can go that long without wanting to tear off your pants and do you right there in your car.

If you get married then the sex will dwindle down to zero times a month in no time at all. She stays with you because you're convenient or she's getting some emotional fulfilment from you but she sure as hell won't be a wild and frequent lover to you ~ EVER.

[smackie9]

She is a sexual person, but not with you. There are those who only love the idea of a relationship but are not actually in love with the person they are with. I believe this is the case. I'm not sure why you have stuck it out this long if she isn't really reciprocating, or behaving the way someone would when they are in love.

It is what it is, she's more into being in a relationship that being with you. It's not your ideal relationship so the logical thing to do is to end it and meet someone who is into you and fulfills your emotional/sexual expectations.

[TheEvilJester]

Thank you for the clarification. I somewhat alter my opinion, then. I assumed you were saying you only see each other once a month. I didn't realize you meant sex. Then, perhaps your answer isn't as cut and dry. It sounds like you say she does make you a priority. If you two see each other all the time, I wouldn't worry that she wanted to see her friend on one particular occasion. Especially considering her friend had been gone on a trip. It may not have been all that long of a trip, but it was still a friend she likely sees/talks to often that she hasn't been able to see for a while.

As far as the sex situation.... Here's the thing. Inherently there is absolutely nothing wrong with her not wanting sex all that much. At the same time, there is inherently nothing wrong with you wanting it more than she does. The issue is can you two reach a happy medium? It sounds like you have already tried to talk to her about it on a few different occasions and nothing has changed. That makes it seem most likely that nothing ever will. Once again, that doesn't necessarily make her wrong, but it definitely doesn't make you wrong either. It just means that perhaps you two are not compatible sexually. That is very unlikely to change. So, if that is important enough to you (and let me reiterate that you would not be wrong if it is) and you two just are not compatible in that sense, possibly best for you both to just move on.

I know that seems a little trivial on the surface. You feel like you two are otherwise a perfect match other than this one teeny tiny little thing. Problem is, sex is not a teeny tiny little thing. It shouldn't be the most important part of a healthy relationship, but it IS important. If you two don't match, you two don't match. That isn't likely to change. In fact, as others have mentioned, it would probably get worse. After marriage (and especially if you eventually have kids) sex tends to happen less often.

Good luck to you either way. I hope you figure out what is best for you both.