I need help. I do need advices 😔

[hana13]

I'm in a relationship since third year high school and until now, I'm still with him but right now, I'm so depressed. my boyfriend told me that he'll break up with me personally this tuesday but I can't do it and I can't face him since that will be the last time I could see him well maybe you're wondering why he'll break up with me. these are the reasons(maybe) why. First, our realtionship is stifling/suffocating since whenever we fight it's either I'll compare his friends and me; I will not let him join the outings with his friends, etc.; I dont want to get him get closer to ladies since I do know when a girl is flirting with someone since I'm a girl; And vice versa in my part. second, we always say bad words to each other in a way that words are harmful enough to make me cry. Third, I deleted his COC and because of that he got mad at me bacuse he said that's the only game that he can do whenever he's bored and yet I ruined it because for 2yrs. he took care of that and here I am deleted it because he wasn't paying attention to me. Fourth, whenever he needs me he replies fast in text messages but whenever he's busy he'll always say that I must understand him. Fifth, whenever I want something he always say no but to others he wont even think to spend money. i know, it's a ****ed up relationship but still he may be the reason of what I am now but still he's also the reason I could be the happeist person of the world. what should I do to make him stay? what should I say to make pur relationship to improve? I need advice guys i cant focus on my studies because i'm thinking that what will hapen to me when after the tuesday he wont be on my side anymore

[Raina12]

I'm in a relationship since third year high school and until now, I'm still with him but right now, I'm so depressed. my boyfriend told me that he'll break up with me personally this tuesday but I can't do it and I can't face him since that will be the last time I could see him well maybe you're wondering why he'll break up with me. these are the reasons(maybe) why. First, our realtionship is stifling/suffocating since whenever we fight it's either I'll compare his friends and me; I will not let him join the outings with his friends, etc.; I dont want to get him get closer to ladies since I do know when a girl is flirting with someone since I'm a girl; And vice versa in my part. second, we always say bad words to each other in a way that words are harmful enough to make me cry. Third, I deleted his COC and because of that he got mad at me bacuse he said that's the only game that he can do whenever he's bored and yet I ruined it because for 2yrs. he took care of that and here I am deleted it because he wasn't paying attention to me. Fourth, whenever he needs me he replies fast in text messages but whenever he's busy he'll always say that I must understand him. Fifth, whenever I want something he always say no but to others he wont even think to spend money. i know, it's a ****ed up relationship but still he may be the reason of what I am now but still he's also the reason I could be the happeist person of the world. what should I do to make him stay? what should I say to make pur relationship to improve? I need advice guys i cant focus on my studies because i'm thinking that what will hapen to me when after the tuesday he wont be on my side anymore

First of all, calm down. Every problem has a solution. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you want to continue relationship with him. You already know the reasons why your bf wants to do breakup. So tell him that u r ready to make compromises but it shouldn't be only you. He must also be ready to make compromises on some matters. Give him a hug and tell him that u love him a lot and that he is the most important person in your life. Hug will surely have a psychological effect on him and will lessen his anger with you. Remember that if u really want to continue relationship with him then don't impose restrictions on him as to where he should and where he shouldn't go. Let him enjoy his life freely. Let him hang out with his friends. You too hang out with your friends. But if u think that your bf is cheating on you and once you are confirmed about it, then have breakup with him.

[hana13]

thank you for answering! but he's not cheating at all. and I know he's not because he's one of the persons I've met who's really loyal. But I do think the reason he wants to break up because he's tired in our relationship because of suffocation. What can I do to change his mind rather than talking, what efforts can I make to make him come back and wont leave me? 😔

[Wakeup]

Break up with him and then go zero contact. Tell him that he's right, that the relationship has become suffocating, that you're both too young to not have experienced things as single people without obligation.

Finish your studies and then when thats taken care of, start seeing other boys. There are better ones out there then this guy and while you're single you can work on your need to control so that you don't feel threatened when the next guy isn't spending 100% of his time with you. You need to learn how to entertain your self and sooth your run-away-thoughts.

Improve your own life as a single so that you keep yourself happy and interesting and you'll have something to do when your partner is out with friends.

You need to work on your insecurity and neediness and inability to self-sooth when you're not with your partner.

[Raina12]

If he would have really wanted breakup, he would have done that immediately. Y did he mention tuesday?? what i think is that he too finds it difficult to do breakup. As you told he is tired in relationship. Obviously, there is no way to change his mind other than telling him that you will change yourself and wont make him get fed up with relationship. Ask him to give u a last chance. And that means that you would really have to change your attitude towards him. Be nice to him, don't fight with him. Fights always make the realtionship suffocating cuz every person wants to get loved not emotionally tortured. Do such things for him which he likes. Make him feel special. This is the time when you want to convince him to continue the relationship with him therefore don't be rude with him even if he gets mad at you. Be polite and humble.

[Wakeup]

Don't give up yourself for any guy. "Be nice to him?" Really, when he's being an indifferent ass to her she should just step up her nice-ness? Are you saying she shouldn't tell him that he's not fulfilling her relationship needs and this is what I must have in order to stay and be happy while I stay?
You're really not suggesting that are you?

"Be polite and humble" Well, she can certainly be polite when explaining to him that there is a compromise to be had when it comes to BOTH persons in a relationship getting what they need some of the time. That it shouldn't always be one person always getting their way.

"Don't be rude with him even if he gets mad." Excuse me but that is implying that she should just sit there and take his disrespect. She can certainly stay calm but op, that doesn't mean that you should communicate what it will take to keep you happy and if it's too much then what does he think would be a good compromise that would suit the two of you. If he doesn't want to compromise or you are unable to do so because of your over-neediness, fear and insecurity then you need to get the help you need to be more confident and secure in who you are.

You need to grow so that you can self-sooth... you certainly don't need to revert back to door mat for him or anyone else. You have needs, right now they may be excessive, let him know that and work on a compromise (if he's even willing of course).

Frankly... I think you should just break up with him first. That will give you back your personal power and it will also give you a chance (if you do the proper work) to grow into a more mature, confident woman that realizes her worth.

[Raina12]

She wants this relationship to work.. She doesn't want breakup. But all the ways u r suggesting her would surely lead to breakup. Sorry to say

[hana13]

I also intended to do that but it's just so hard. our relationship is already for four years and I dont want that to let that passes by so quickly. what about all the moments we've shared. there were times I know that we face struggles in our relationship but we were still able to pass through. it's just that what should I do to make him stay thank you btw for answering my post

- - - Updated - - -

uhmm tuesday is the only day that i have free time. we still have classes that's why we'll meet at tuesday. what should I do to make him stay though? despite all the talks that I will share on tuesday. Im sorry if im being pessimistic it's just that this is the first time i've felt that he's seriously will left me behind.

[Raina12]

are u sure he won't stay? He will listen to u, at least. Can't u even explain him what u feel?

[Wakeup]

She wants this relationship to work.. She doesn't want breakup. But all the ways u r suggesting her would surely lead to breakup. Sorry to say

Sorry to say that all the things she's already done have led to breakup. The only thing that will happen if she takes my advise will be her improving her own self worth and confidence so that she doesn't continue being the needy, controlling and angst ridden girlfriend that she's always been.

[hana13]

well I think he'll listen but I think the feelings of leaving is way more harder than not leaving me though 😭😭 what should I do? damn until now the letter I made for him(big letter) i dont know if i should still give it to him! 😭😭

[Raina12]

Come on, do give him that letter. U should try your best to make this relationship work. The rest is up to him. If u have written all your feelings in that letter, u surely should let him know so that u don't have to regret later on

[smackie9]

You can plead your case with him and say you will correct things, but he is going to make the final decision on whether he wants to make it work or not.

Sometimes being broken up helps both parties reflect on the relationship, and give you time to sort out the problems and see a solution. Right now there are too many bad feelings and emotions involved to have any clear thinking. So maybe a breakup will be beneficial to your situation. He's gonna miss you, and may want to drift back and work things out after all. Forcing, begging, pushing to stay will only make it worse. You are going to have to keep a cool head, make your case, and accept the outcome.

[Wakeup]

How needy and pathetic does your letter sound? Maybe you should let us read it before you give it to him which may very well decide your fate in the negative, you don't want to make things worse or give him reason to think that breaking up with you is the right choice.

[dontaskme]

Ask him to give u a last chance. And that means that you would really have to change your attitude towards him. Be nice to him, don't fight with him.

Do such things for him which he likes. Make him feel special. This is the time when you want to convince him to continue the relationship with him therefore don't be rude with him even if he gets mad at you. Be polite and humble.

Hmmm... ^^^ A poster with obvious co-dependent issues giving co-dependent advise to an OP with low self esteem and controlling issues. Great!