Emotional affair

[Gardener13]

So I have such a crazy complicated situation going on its almost unbelievable. I know many on here will hate me, but I want opinions rather than just abuse.

Its a long story too.

I am 28 and last August I started working for a new gardening company and met a 47 year old woman who is married, she was very friendly.
We worked together and got on very well, and became friends. We had to communicate a bit over work stuff, and chatted away and met up for coffee occasionally if both in town at the weekend.

We started chatting on text about all sorts everyday and when working together a couple of times a week we would laugh and giggle all the time. Despite the age gap we just appeared to have clicked with each other.

As time went on we continued meeting occasionally and chatting like casual friends, until one night when out with friends she text me saying she missed me, and that she could not say why without getting into trouble. Then that we were good at talking but avoiding the issue. I guessed at that point she had feelings for me. I realised over time I did for her too. Our texts now had some flirty innuendo’s in them.

This was brushed under the carpet and things continued the same way until after Christmas. When we both left the gardening firm and because we get on so well, we decided to start our own business A few weeks into starting our business we joked in the tough times we would need a hug, which we then hand. It lingered longer than a normal pals hug.

We then began hugging more and more, our eye contact was long and intense. One night it came out over text that we had feelings for each other and we needed to talk. We met and discussed things and she said she thought about me more than any other friends. We agreed nothing physical could happen.

However things have got more intense. Since then we have grown closer and closer, we work together each day, laughing, we hug face to face for long periods and often, we cuddle now side by side and she rests her head on my chest and holds me around my waist, we touch each other so often and feel so relaxed with each other.

I have via text said I love her, she says thank you but never says it in return, however the way she looks at me and touches me plus her love of snuggling up to me, I guess she must feel the same way to some extent.

Our business is booming and above all we are great friends with so much in common.

So rather than just abuse me. Give me some thoughts on whether she does Love me, and where we are.

[Wakeup]

You know that feeling you have up your ass like a butt plug kinda feeling when you're around her? Well, that's your emotional tampon needing changing.

You might as well put a sign on your office door that reads "Head Cuddle Bitch."

She's married and she's not leaving her husband but she'll take your little twat teasing because it revs her up for better sex when she goes home to the old man.

Why don't you cut out the shit, distance yourself from her by not texting her or letting her cross committed relationship boundaries with you? Soon enough you'll have rehabilitated yourself from this drugging she has over you and you'll be able to move onto and be motivated enough to actually go out and find a girlfriend that is free to be with you.

In the meantime, while you remain CCB (Chief Cuddle Bitch) of your firm you waste valueable dating years being in this trance she plays you in.

[TheEvilJester]

This is one of those hindsight kind of situations, because I think starting a business with this woman was really not a good idea. She is married, so these complicated feelings are not okay from your side or from hers. You can't help how you feel, but that is why you should do the right thing and distance yourself from her. The problem is, now not only do you work together, but you started a business together. I don't know how exactly you can manage to avoid your business partner, so unfortunately, I am not really sure what advice any of us could provide. The best advice would be to avoid her and limit contact to only professional if even that. That may be awfully difficult given how closely I am sure you have to work together.

Does she really love you? None of us can answer that. It is possible she does have legitimate feelings for you. It is also just as possible she is just using you for the thrill it gives her, and she has no intention of ever ending her marriage to pursue a relationship with you. Another possibility is she is sort of "using you" without really knowing/intending to do so. Maybe there are problems with her marriage right now, and being with a nice, sensitive guy who cares about her is confusing her feelings.

The thing is, no matter what the case is, she is married. If she ever wants to pursue a relationship with somebody (be it you or anybody else) then she needs to end her marriage. It is wrong to mess around when you are in a relationship, even more so when you are married. Even if she does end her marriage, ideally she needs to take some time to reflect and once again learn to be happy by herself before pursuing a new relationship. It really is not a good idea to jump from one relationship to another without giving yourself some breathing room.

Frankly, you shouldn't have to, nor should you allow yourself to wait around for that. At the same time, she should not rush that process. So, even if we look at this from the best case scenario, the answer really is still that you really should move on.

Just as Wakeup said, you do not want to just wind up becoming basically her male girlfriend when you have feelings for her otherwise. All the same, it would be wrong to expect her to leave her relationship, but also wrong of you two to do anything while she is still in it. So, the best thing really to do is to move on and find other women to date. If fate just so happens to wind up with her being single at a time when you happen to be as well, then heck, go for it. But, right now you would be hindering yourself from possibly finding a girlfriend who may make you very happy and might actually be available. You should never wait around for something that may not ever happen.

Good luck to you. Unfortunately, your situation is that much more complicated because you started a business with this person. I wish you the best and hope you are able to find a conclusion that makes all parties happy.

[woody]

Messy, heartbreak, back up boy, only ends one way scenario.

Avoid

[TheEvilJester]

Woody did a wonderful job of summing it up very succinctly. Just go with that. That EvilJester dude never shuts up! LOL!

[pcmaster]

The moment when you hugged you crossed the line. Thats where you get more attached and thats where from a lot of feelings coming from. You might start to stop hugging and touching eachother for beginning and afterwards it would be easier to keep a distance. Basically thing is you are free to do whatever you want. You can even stay in this hugging relationship with her until you find another girl but not sure if you will have enough stimulus to find another girl if you keep hugging old one.
However its not fair from her to keep this going because she cant give you everything you deserve. Seems like she just stringing you along like a toy while her real man ,the 50 year old, fcks her like a bitch she are without any ceremonies. You and her always have put you in the second place in this emotional affair. I suggest you go for a woman who will put you in the first place.

[IndiReloaded]

You and her always have put you in the second place in this emotional affair. I suggest you go for a woman who will put you in the first place.

The only thing I would add is that you have put yourself in 2nd place. Unless and until she gets divorced (and if there are children you would be a monster to encourage this) then it's business only.

Also, I would try to buy her or myself out of the business asap.

[eve.ashley]

you have done nothing wrong. you seem like an amazing guy.


ask her, what you guys are doing together?

as she sees it now.

remind her you are hanging on, suspended in mid air...

if there is legitimate hope, fight for her, if not, protect yourself and stay away from her...and that means not working with her either, ASAP.

i do not think it's monstrous, at all, to ask someone to dissolve an unhappy marriage. i'm sorry people are calling your love interest bad names...

we have little info about her here, for all we know, she could be a wonderful person, stuck in a bad marriage, madly falling for you, afraid to dream of sex and a relationship with a man 19 years her junior....

tell her you don't care about the age difference and ask her what's the state of her marriage.

one thing is for sure, if she does love you, or is falling for you, she will be terrified.

you really are significantly younger.

she really would need to be sure that either things are not fixable with her husband, or she cannot live without you, to have the courage to date you.

we are talking 19 years darling. that is a significant difference...

i know you like her very much, but have you considered walking away and letting her save her marriage?

can you guys have a future together when she will be 60ish in ten years?

on the other, hand you are a grown man, you are not a teenager infatuated with his teacher...

you know what you want, and if it's her ask her straight up, what is she planning to do.

whatever you do, do not immediately assume the worst about her, only very scared, immature people do that...

be brave and find out what her deal is.
if you have a legitimate chance, fight for her, and if not, walk away...

bear in mind that she probably never dreamed a man of 28 would be interested in her...

maybe she simply needs time for it to sink in...

if she was a selfish opportunistic person, wouldn't she be shagging your brains out by now???

on the other hand, you must be prepared that she might never have the courage to end, even a bad marriage, over falling for a man so much younger than her...

women, unlike men, are constantly told they cannot do that, marry a second, much younger husband...

good luck man, you sound like a great guy, i hope she knows that.

[IndiReloaded]

It's monsterous b/c some people value the commitment that marriage represents. Particularly if children, who do not ask for their parents to divorce, are part of the package.

Unless there is abuse, OP (in which case, you should then consider she will have other issues), you should not put your oar in until she divorces *for her own reasons and without your input*. To do otherwise, even if she does leave him, runs the risk of her blaming you later for it.