Hi, no one to turn to so..

[Szin]

..thought this could be the place.

So, I've met this woman, even though I was in a relationship, not a happy one, but not the worse either. As I got to know her by chat and text's, we started to "skype date" meaning playing games and just had fun. This turned into more romatic topics, as she was leaving her relationship, and was stressed out by her ex. As I know, I made her smile, she tolt me people had seen a change in her personality, all for the better. We met a weekend, went to the movies and out to eat, was about 3 weeks after we started talking. That quickly became romatic, we cuddle and sat close throughout the hole movie, it just went so fast. Kissed and just felt amazing. After that the text became more intense, she tolt me she missed me and wanted to see me and be with me, but as we both were stuck with ex partners and 2 hours transport between us, it wasen't really an option.

After that date, we met again 2 days later at my place, spend 5 hours on the sofa, kissing and cuddleing. No sex. agreed upon that we both should be clear of the partners before we went to that level.
Same for that 5 hour date, everything was amazing and nice. She is pretty, funny, charming, bit nerdy and just awoke a lot of feeling in me. When she left I could not get her out of my head at all. And again the text and chats were intense about she really wanted to have sex and see me and so on, and the same from me. I tolt her directly that I really wanted to be with her and make it all work out.

Then a few weeks later her mindset changed, like, over 2 days, the kissing smilies and sweet talk stopped, completely 'friendzoned' me. I asked what it was about and the reply was 'just how it is'
This messed up my feeling compltely. She said she had been busy and stress at home. I knew that it was hard on her, with her current situation, but, I also thought that, if you went to the level we did, you might call on the other for support, not shutting them out. I am 36, she is 27 and we both have a child, me from another partner, and her from the one she is leaving.

As the cold continued, I got frustrated. Ending in me maybe crossing some limits, from a 5 weeks "relationship". I can be pretty intense, in the sense that I speak my mind, I tell her what I felt and how she made me feel. She said she was sorry and she had just been busy. And nothing changed. I send her a text, saying I missed her, and got a "Good morning " back. My inner logic stated that 'back off, leave her be, see what happens' - but insted my heart just "No, break it off, she clearly don't like you anymore" And I did, send her a text saying I neede to talk to her, and she asked about what and everything happend over text insted. Universaly stupid, as you read the text as you feel, and not how the sender sees it, and that ended like a supernova.

A lot of text later, I think I may have explained to her how I felt, how I saw her change, that she did not give me any warning. If she was busy and stressfull, just tell me, I'll give you space, but if you shut me out, My mind will probably think just about anything else. And nothing works with bad comunication. The last texts was I said I would wish I could hold her in my arms again. Shield her from the world. I hoped she would let me in her heart again, I knew I was maybe being out of line, but, emotions gets the best of everyone when we get shut out with no warning.

Her reply was She just neede to settle her head. And I said I would back of untill then, let her contact me. And now im here, waiting. And my heart have just died. I am pretty sure That if or when I hear from her again, its to tell me nothing will happen, that its over and I can't help feel I ****ed it up, We just had such an amazing connection, and the distance just seemed to kill it, easier to disconnet when you ain't allowed to see eachoter, and that is painfull, as im sure it could have had been something wonderful, if the settings were correct. If it ends, I'll go through life thinking what if.

If someone read all this then thank you. Feels nice to see it all in wrighting, not soothing the pain but, helps on the mind and she is there all the time.

[EndlessDecision]

That's deep, I kinda want to assume that she just wanted a FWB situation with you but didn't want to be direct about it or would feel guilty about it. The best thing to do while waiting...is .....not to wait. Stay busy and focused on a few long term goals that will help define who you are. I guarantee you will feel good about it. THinking about her will just make things worse so either find a way to make a relationship work between you two or find a way to tell her that chill open FWB situation is perfectly fine with you (so there is less pressure on a romantic side of things).

[Szin]

Thanks for the answer.
Problem is I kinda said I would let her contact me, so not sure how it would be taken if I broke that and wrote to her insted. Everything is complicated.

[SummerNight]

It's hard to tell you why she had a change of heart but the best thing to do is really focus on your life and goals. If you don't do that then you will suffer so much more. It's like when you are staring into a pit you will feel more and more that you will fall into it. The more you think about that situation with this woman, the more you will feel bad about the whole situation.

[eve.ashley]

did you end it with your girlfriend by now?

she got scared and frustrated....

make a clear cut with your past, and go after the new girl lovingly but assertively.

[Wakeup]

DO NOT go after her unless she's broken it off with the guy she is in a relationship with.
OP: You've been cheating and so has she. How well do you think a relationship with her would turn out when the two of you are basing your feelings on nothing but lust while you keep your perspective back ups (partners) in your lives.

If they'll do it with you, then they'll do it on you.
Past behaviour is a good predictor of future behaviour.

Just because you didn't have actual intercourse it doesn't mean you didn't cheat. Why did you break up with the mother of your child? (only to cheat on the girl you're currently with)

You need to figure yourself out and hone your personal boundaries because it seems you don't conduct yourself as a man who has promised monogamy should conduct himself in a way to keep himself out of extra-curricular trouble. How did you meet this girl you're in lust with and why would you keep up your introduction when you were in a committed relationship?