My Co-Worker - Guys insight needed

[Chloesims]

Hi I will try to keep this post short. I've started a new job and in the last month have been come very attracted to my coworker he is quite high up in the company probably more of a boss. He's older than me but he's lovely, he's so caring and kind towards me, and now I find myself attracted to him.

He knows when something is wrong with me and asks me constantly if I'm okay he even phones other co workers outside of work to ask if I'm okay he tells them to tell me I can always talk to him. Weather it be work related or personal he wants to know he wants to help or talk to me but recently it was personal and my co worker told him not to speak to me about it.

We are hardly ever alone but when we aren't around the other office staff (mostly women who all flirt with him) he stares into my eyes he gets very close when explaining something I'm pretty much leaning on his chest, there's always that one extra second where neither one of us move but really there is no need for us to be standing there.

There's been occasions where I've been in his office and a co worker has had to come and find me because we're just caught up talking about everything to do with our personal lives and his childhood. He's also made out to co workers that we have been together the previous night (although we haven't) he's told one of them that he and I are going out to get drunk (she told me he said that and I was confused) she seems suspicious now because of all this and she has picked up on his attentiveness towards me.

He's started touching my arm when we speak, accidentally touching my hands when we work on something, last week he put his arm around me and lent down to me (as though he couldn't hear what I was saying) he doesn't move when I need to get past and have to squeeze past him in hall ways etc and we keep having moments where we are really close but not touching and he's staring into my eyes but he seems nervous, jittery, sometimes looks like he's blushing.

He winks at me quite often now, we talk about all sorts when given half a chance, he winds me up constantly about everything, I said a guy was good looking once he went on about it for days, weeks after the guy returned and his first reaction was to tell me and then tell me why this guy was a loser. He has started mentioning his attraction to other girls - model type girls I assume judging by the place he was at when he seen them .... And hinting things like chat up lines he uses when he's pissed, he said he needs a young and attractive girl to come with him to a show that's on. All the women are older than him I am the only young one, he jokingly made it very clear he wasn't attracted to them though by joking and saying he said young and attractive and they don't fit the bill.

Here's the bit.... He's married... Yet rarely mentions his wife around me unless it's something negative.... He does however speak about his wife to our other coworkers (I've overheard him) when I ask about his weekend plans he doesn't mention her. If on the off chance he does... He follows it up with something negative about her.

Sometimes I catch him staring at me, he makes jokes and always looks over at me, he laughs at everything I say, as I mentioned he constantly winds me up so I do the same back. If I say something to another coworker in the room he will have heard and then later at some point will bring it up with me.

He makes rude jokes towards me, he has made something I said into an inuendo of us having sex, if there's something mentioned that could possibly be made rude in anyway he looks over at me giggling and pulling a face where you just know when someone is being rude, he tells me rude jokes that usually involve something to do with me or where I am sitting or something.

He's always trying to get my attention, if a coworker comes into the office he will start joking saying things like watch her (for no reason) he smiles at me all the time he lingers around like he's about to say something to me then doesn't. But he does joke with other women I work with, and I think he can be a bit flirty but he doesn't touch them, or make sure they're okay all of the time, or talk to them so in depth... I just don't know.

Please don't comment lectures and things like that I know he is married but I am curious of what his actions mean.

[Wakeup]

Here's the bit.... He's married...

Then why are you allowing him to be inappropriate with you? Stop him from crossing relationship boundaries with you. Yours and his relationship is Boss/Employee.

Think how you would feel if your husband was doing what he is doing with some little chippy at his work? You are ruining both your own emotional health and your ability to find your own partner who is available to be yours in the full sense by feeding your crush on this man and allowing him to be the inappropriate acting husband that you have enabled him to be.

What his actions mean is that he's picked up from you (because you don't shut him down) that you are an easy piece to garner on the side. If you're smart, every time he does something with/to you that makes you think that he is in love with you that you mention his wife in some manner and thereby hit it home to him AND ESPECIALLY TO YOURSELF that he's being inappropriate and he's disrespecting you by thinking that you'd be the boundariless twat that would be willing to help a married man cheat.

[luke_snow]

Hi,

I know he is married but I am curious of what his actions mean.

In answer to your question, IMHO he wants to test the waters to see if you will have an affair with him. As he is senior in the company, and at least middle aged or older I assume by marriage and career, then he would be aware of what he is doing rather than falling into something he is uncertain of. You might also consider whether he is using his position to influence women as I have seen in the work place (especially in larger companies). What this usually means is that they are looking for sexual gratification and not much more, or an escape from their marriage - either way there is a short time span on this type of relationship.

Then of course, there is the moral question of whether you should be involved at any level with a married man. I assume because you have made this post that you are at least questioning this - otherwise you would have probably become involved already. You already know the answer to this. Don't weight it up, your gut feeling is correct. It's messy and statistically almost never ends up lasting.

Finally consider the issue of work place romance. Colleagues and superiors may treat you differently and this will affect your happiness at work and career progression.

So my advice; back off, don't engage in flirting, and better to not put yourself in the position where emotions could take over your decision process (e.g. go out to lunch together, drink after work, volunteer to work together). It's better to stop emotions running now, before you've actually become involved. Consider causal dating so that your emotions can be put elsewhere outside of work. Hope this helps.

[Wakeup]

To make it clear: He means "considering casual dating" with other men... not this married flirter that you are crushing on.

[Chloesims]

Thank you I don't think he would make a move anyway so it wouldn't happen x x

[Wakeup]

Don't rely on assuming he won't make a move. Keep your interactions with him professional. Its obvious you're crushing on him and have come her to verify that he likes you too or not. He's married. He should be considered bad news for you and totally off limits. Remember that always.