Show me who to love Kay

[Saturns]

The struggle is real right now OK lol. Im 20 ive never had a girlfriend and people seriously dont believe me when i tell them that. Im apparently pretty good looking( could put on some muscle haha) and i would never even consider doing something like cheating or whatever else, the only thing is im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shy and nervous about approaching a girl out of nowhere with romantic purpose even though i dont get nervous about anything else, like i literally think im about to puke im so nervous. Not only that but i have no girl i like, im not gonna lie, if i cant look at her and enjoy doing so then why would i wanna be with her all the time, i also understand that a viewpoint like that can easily change with personality (or many other things) as a factor, but god damn the combo of "Cute girl + My nervousness" is like throwin me way outta there i guess. Is is SO bad i just wanna hug some cute girl all day

[Wakeup]

Do you belong to any sports teams or do you play music or do you have any other kinds of outside interests that will help you with your over-all confidence?

Here's something for you to have in your head when you approach a girl: "I'm the prize and if she's worth having then she'll realize that."

Another thing that you should have as your mantra: Rejection is only a lost opportunity ~ Her lost opportunity, certainly not mine.

Another one: She's only a girl and If I don't even know her then I have NOTHING to lose by talking to her.

Another one to tell yourself: Stop putting so much pressure on yourself... she's just a human just like me.

[basilandthyme]

I'm not surprised you have trouble approaching a random girl. It would have to be the most difficult way of meeting a woman and quite likely to fail. It makes it even more difficult as you're only interested in the pretty ones - they get hit on all the time and by men who have more confidence than you. Because of this, pretty girls would also have far more experience in saying 'no'.

As you say that you have confidence in all other areas, I'd suggest you stick to approaching girls who you already partially know. Friends of friends, girls you meet at sports clubs and events. Girls who frequent the same pub as you. Girls at college. In short, approach women who you have been exchanging smiles with when you see them.

I do also believe that your interest in appearance is holding you back. You talk about how people are shocked that you've never had a girlfriend and go on to talk about your looks. If we're talking about the initial attraction to appearance, I'd have to say that I was always attracted to an open and honest smile and nice eyes. Basically, I look for what type of personality shows through his face. Yeah, there's the odd hot guy I would have like to have shagged.....but good looks mean little in terms of a relationship and I think most girls know this. Even my 15yo announced yesterday that she's grown out of only being attracted to cute boys LOL

As for restricting yourself to good looking girls - what would you do if this good looking girl suffers a facial injury, gets sick and starts looking haggard or heaven forbid, gets old? If having eye candy is so important, you're going to find yourself struggling as you you age. Good looks are temporary - only a rare few really stay good looking for life. I know I'm being harsh, but you are restricting yourself so much.

Anyway, here's my dating strategy: Learn to smile at women you see frequently. Not just the pretty ones. If a girls starts to smile back when she sees you, introduce yourself and exchange names so that you can greet each other with words. Then if you find that she seems interested, then ask her out. Meeting her in a step by step manner is not only less scary, but more likely to succeed.