Is my relationship dead?

[jaseyrae]

My boyfriend(29) & I(26) have been dating for 7 years, living together for 3. It was basically love at first site and the first few years of our relationship were great, they still are but there have been A LOT of bumps in the last 2(years)or so. Our communication has dwindled so much and I don't know what to do. He has a 7 year old son but doesn't have custody of him, the maternal grandmother does. He still gets to see him a few days a week but I don't spend much time with him because it's just awkward for me(he has to go to his parent's house to see his son). He wants me to spend more time with his son which I get, but it's still awkward.

Another problem is that we haven't had sex in a couple of months but it's me, not him. My sex drive is nowhere to be found. I don't know if it's my birth control or what but it's come to a point where I don't even have an urge to touch myself let alone let someone else, and I used to love sex.

In March of last year, I caught him talking to an ex and we fought but got over it. I basically gave him a "pass" because he promised not to do it again.

A few months ago(January)I caught him trying to flirt with a co-worker(we'll call her A) via email. He was asking another female co-worker(we'll call her B) for advice(via facebook) on getting through to her but she knew he was in a relationship(and still tried to help, ugh). They(my bf & B) both have a child from a past relationship so I think that they sort of "bonded" over that. He talked to her(B) more than the girl he was trying to flirt with(A), mostly about innocent stuff and there was some flirting. They also talked about me, like he told her that we got in a fight over money because he sold something on craiglist and I kept the money because I was paying all the bills while he was only working part time. He didn't quite pass all of his courses in school and his job didn't expect him to need full time work again so he got laid off and started working with me. He's a salesman and gets to use an iPad which I was fooling around with the other day. His text messages from his phone are connected to it and I found a conversation between him and the co-worker(B) that was trying to help him flirt. This is the gist of it:

Him: Hey listen I know in our last convo I came on a little strong and well I wasn't quite like myself & I'm sorry...I saw that you're not my friend anymore on FB I guess I can respect that, not sure I said anything bad, hope all is well
Her: It's ok, everything is good here how are you?
Him: I'm fine, been super busy getting back into school in September and just busy with life in general...how's your daughter?
Her: That's good, so happy to know everything is great and she's good she came to work with me the other day

Then they proceeded to talk about random stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. He texted her again today because he was in the same town that the place they both worked moved out of so they were just talking about that. Later in the day he asked her if she'd want to do something within the next couple of weeks since I'm going to a concert and he won't have anything to do. He mentioned two other ex co-workers so I guess it would be sort of like a reunion for them, which I'd be fine with, but what if the other two people can't go and it ends up being just the two of them? I can't risk that and the fact that he's not going to tell me he's doing this is what makes is worse. If he wants to go out with ex co-workers, go ahead but don't do it behind my back. He texted me today and asked for the specific date of the concert, like really? I don't know if I'm twisting this out of proportion but I don't want to miss the concert and I don't know how to confront him about it. I feel like I'm at my wit's end with everything and I don't know where to go from here. Any advice is appreciated.

[basilandthyme]

Yes, your relationship is very much on the rocks. But before giving advice, I have to ask about the rest of the story. Your partner can only see his son at his parents house. So, we're talking about supervised access, yes? A person has to be extremely unstable to only get supervised access to their child. Why does he not have shared custody? It's also strange that you're not comfortable hanging out with your potential inlaws.

Tell us more about the background to the story.

[Resessions]

Just being honest here..not trying to bum you out but if he's wanting to cheat on you (which I'm assuming is your real concern not so much him hanging out with female ex co-workers) then he will end up doing so regardless of whether you attend that concert or not. Communication is your key. I would find out why he feels he has to run to another female for this and tell him how you feel. Now, you have kind of betrayed his privacy by reading his messages and text so he will probably be pissed but there probably isn't a way to avoid telling him and get to the root of the issue.

[jaseyrae]

Sorry I should've explained it better. The visits don't have to be supervised. The maternal grandmother lives 5 minutes away from my boyfriend's parents while him & I live about a half hour away from them & she's lazy & won't drive him to us, which is fine since the grandparents are the ones basically raising him(the mother was/probably still is a crazy crackwhore) & my boyfriend tested positive for weed throughout the court process so that's how the maternal grandmother got custody. I have no problems with my potential inlaws but I know how much they loathe the fact that I spend little to no time with my boyfriend's son & I think I've avoided it for too long to fix it. I have 3 younger brothers & a family that I enjoy spending time with as well so while my boyfriend spends time with his son that's what I do.

[basilandthyme]

Alright - got a better idea now.

The lack of desire you feel for him would be directly related to how you feel about him. Problems outside the bedroom frequently manifest themselves inside the bedroom. Odds on, your partner's flirting with other women is also a sign that he's unhappy in the relationship too.

It's possible that the both of you could acknowledge the distance and disconnect and work on it. But it would need commitment from both of you and changes from both of you. You have to figure out if you're willing to make any changes yourself before choosing this route.

All that being said, your boyfriend's priorities are not good. He chose weed over his son!!! And for some reason, he still hasn't proven to the courts that he's a good father - and clean from drugs - who can go get his son and have him stay at your place for weekend visits. I don't think he sounds like such a great guy.

I'd suggest you look at making a new start with a new guy.