Drastic change in libido; how not to scare my husband

[Itscomplicated7]

I've been married 13 years and together for 19. We have a 5 and 7 year old and are around 40 yrs old. Before having kids we had a very healthy sex life. In the past 4-5 years that completely tanked. Me having 0 interest in sex with relations happening only once every 2-3 months at best. Until the beginning of this year when I decided to stop oral contraceptives in the hope that the lack of libido was a possible side effect. It worked better than I could imagine. Now I could go every DIY (or more) The problem is I think I'm scaring my husband. There are time he doesn't get me to climax which is frustrating for me and I imagine for him as well. As we approach our anniversary I wanted to introduce some sex toys for the first time in our relationship (something we can both enjoy/share) but I'm afraid he'll be terrified. Any input from a mans perspective?

[woody]

Not a man but I know that for thousands of years, 'Ginseng' has been used to boost libido in both men and women. Search out which type would be best. I do know that if someone has hypertension issues, one must be careful but again, moderation.

Good luck. Sex toys good idea too.

[Itscomplicated7]

thanks woody; but I certainly don't need any help w/ my libido. I've been somewhat insatiable. And I think my husband's isn't lacking either, just maybe not quite at the same level as mine. (when I posted earlier it was with my phone and done hastily so DIY was meant to be day)
Since the turn around in my libido after stopping the birth control pills, he has actually said to me more than once "I'm afraid of you" half jokingly. But I know there is some truth behind that statement. I did want to make things more interesting in the bedroom and because we've never really tried toys, I thought our anniversary would be a good opportunity. I just really think it might freak him out and potentially lead to other issues (psychological/emotional erectile dysfunction) especially in light of some recent episodes where he couldn't get me to climax.

Which acually brings up another question. I can't understand why I am taking longer. Its not just with him that I have delayed climax but when I'm "alone" and it started suddenly. I'm on no meds now that I stopped the birth control and take no supplements. The only thing that has changed is getting an IUD about a month ago, but this started only in the past few days or week. It makes me think its in my head.

[Itscomplicated7]

Thanks woody, but I don't think I need any help w libido. When I posted earlier it was in haste and on my phone so DIY should have read day. In other words I am ready for sex nearly every day. His libido is no lacking either, maybe not as ramped up as mine. He has literally said to me "I'm afraid of you" in response to the increase in libido. I know its half jokingly but there is a shred of truth behind it. Now that there have been several instances when he couldn't satisfy/get me to climax I worry that introducing toys or "going too crazy" might scare him more and induce another issue like emotioinal/psychological erectile dysfunction. So I'm really hoping I can get a man's persepective on this.

[basilandthyme]

All genders cross post on these boards. You'll get advice from everyone. I'm a woman

So your guy is quite vanilla, yes? Very tricky. I'd start with a small sex toy - something which he isn't going to find intimidating. Perhaps one of those 'I Rub My Ducky' vibrators?

Also, try and balance your requests for sex with a bit of self love

[Showmesomelove]

You may find he is less shocked than you think, he may even be glad of the new additions. If he is frustrated about making you orgasm he may be glad of the additional 'help'