Waste of time over a younger guy or shall I give him the benefit of the doubt ?

[Loobyloo41]

Ok so I am new to here and to be honest my head is telling me to stay well clear, unfortunately as always the heart tells you something different!

I met this guy at an event a month or so ago, didn't think much of it and then decided to add him as a friend on Facebook - he accepted straight away and messaged me and we talked for hours and within minutes he had given me his number and wanted to chat on What's App. Again didn't think too much of it until he suggested meeting up and going out for a drink sometime. He said he had been "checking me out" lol at the event but I hadn't looked at him in that way at the time.

So over the course of the next few days we were texting one another all the time, chatting, getting to know one another etc., then we decided to meet up - he lives about 2 1/2 hours away from me but the distance wasn't an option for me. He was heading my direction for a meeting and we agreed to meet up on the evening. Anyway over the next few days he went quiet, not contacting as much as certainly not as chatty as he was.

Anyway, on the Saturday before we were due to meet up I messaged him to ask if he was ok and he replied not really could we talk tomorrow. The meeting that was arranged for Monday had been delayed a week as things were not going according to plan. So on the Sunday night he messaged me and said that the meeting was definitely being delayed and could we arrange to meet another time. I told him I was away the following week and it would need to be when I got back. It was left like that.

Every other day I would get a text asking me how I was etc., sometime he would be really easy to talk to other times it was like he didn't know what to say or he was preoccupied and busy yet he was constantly on What's App - not that I looked you understand LOL!

He kept in touch whilst I was away, then one day straight out of the blue said, I am in the area next Thursday if you want to meet up. I agreed and during the course of the next week we arranged where we were going to meet and that he was on about staying over as he had two days in the local town.

Even up until the day before he was saying how he was looking forward to seeing me, said that he thinks we will become more than just friends, and that even though he travelled the world there would be times when we would be able to get together.

Wednesday came and he said that his team may be staying over as well and it could prove difficult to meet, given the job that he does (its his dream job) I thought OK let's see how this plays out. Anyway he said he was hoping everything would be fine and that he hoped to see me as planned blah blah blah. Thursday morning came and went and I heard nothing. Got a text early PM asking me how I was, he told me the meetings had been delayed and that they were running behind schedule. I text him back and asked what the plan was for this evening and he said he wasn't sure. To be honest, given he had cancelled the first time, I had already had it in the back of my mind that he was going to cancel again - women's intuition and all that!

It got to about 4pm and I had still heard nothing and I was due to leave work so I text him and asked what was going on, he said he was still in the meetings - I replied "shall we give it a miss then" - he replied just after 5pm saying that he had only just left. No explanation no apology no nothing so I was still not sure what was going on.

By this time I thought sod it I cannot be bothered with this and send him a message saying that I was sorry things didn't work out and perhaps we were never meant to be. He didn't respond even though he had read it.

I stewed on it for an hour or so and then said..........listen if you were not interested in me or have never been interested in me you should have just said, I wouldn't have minded and we could just stay friends if it's easier for you...............his reply was "I am interested"!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!! Then I played along with it and asked if he wanted to remain friends, give it another go and he said to give it one final attempt at meeting up. I asked him if he wanted to stay in touch and he said yes.

That was last Thursday, I haven't heard anything from him since, I didn't want to hassle him on text as he would probably start to think oh god what does she want now, so I left him to it over the weekend. I knew he was going to be out of the Country all this week as well.

I have thought about making contacting and asking how he is, but my head says NOPE don't do it and I know that's the right thing to do.

I just wondered what people's thoughts are out there - do I give him the benefit of the doubt or shall I just kick him to the kerb and forget all about him? It's a shame as he's a nice guy and we got on great, he's seriously gotten to me yet we have only ever met twice - why is that!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

PLEASE NOTE ALL THE ABOVE HAPPENED IN FEBRUARY/MARCH THIS YEAR.... update...........



I stopped contacting this guy but he kept getting in touch with me. He has always initiated the contact and every time he has asked to see me I have said "no", that I am busy, but he keeps asking and asking. I am not sure if the more I turn him down the more interested he is!

Things did go quiet for a bit and he would only make contact one a week or so, but that was because he was always out of the Country and had a busy schedule. I left him to it and when I would hear from him, I would sometimes take all day to respond! Thought I would make him wait for a change.

Anyway, these last couple of weeks he has been asking to see me. He asked me twice last week and both times I couldn't make it and they were genuine reasons.

I said that I could make this week as I didn't have much planned, but since that message to him things have changed. He asked to see me this week on one night that I cannot make - he is busy the other times as he is away.

He then text me the following morning to say hello and ask how I am.

We have set a date of meeting up next week, now whether this will happen I have no idea - I think I have got to the stage where I can take it or leave it. He does ask me from time to time if I am interested and I genuinely am, but there is still this alarm bell ringing in the back of my mind of WHY does he want someone 14 years older than him when he could probably have the pick of women with his job and lifestyle!!


I would have though that after nearly 4 months he would have given up the chase by now, but he hasn't!

So there you go, 4 months later he is still chasing me and still keeping in touch............ confused? I definitely am!!

[basilandthyme]

I'm a little confused about the distance. You said that 2.5 hours was not an option for you (I agree - I wouldn't do it either), but you're still considering whether or not to see him. If you're not up for travelling to see him, why bother continuing to chat with him?

As for WHY he wants to see you? Given that he'd been checking you out previously, there could be an element of MILF going on. And he probably enjoys the thrill of the chase. Or has a 'treat em mean, keep em keen" thing going on. All in all though, this doesn't have the foundations of a good, solid relationship with a reliable partner.

[fukushima123]

Considering two months have passed without a date, I'm surprised you haven't gotten bored yet and moved on.
I mean no offence, but why wait for someone who can't even make first contact? (cue Star Trek soundtrack)
In my mind "chasing" involves several dates or actual hanging out scenarios.
Cryptic texting or emails don't really count in regards to a "chase".
It's just a way to keep someone on the back burner if things with other people don't work out.
A guy who really wants to be with you won't waste any time.
For the time being (while you figure things out) go out and oggle the available men walking around?
But seriously, meet other men.

Does he know that you are older and is he making that his excuse for not seeing you?
I don't feel he is honest enough to answer this question truthfully anyway.
Time to move on sistah!