We are friends but . . .

[IanWitucki21]

Hello,
I met this girl last year when I was a junior. When I say "met" I mean that I just knew she existed. For all of my junior year I saw her in one class everyday, but I did not give her more than a second or two of thought each day. This year was completely different. I had three classes with her in which I regularly talked with her. Sometimes it was just small talk, other times it was full-fledged conversation. Then I got switched out of two of the classes second semester yet we kept on talking in the hallways, in one remaing class off and on, and via text. We became decent friends. Still I wasn't attracted to her. Then I asked her to prom. Still when I asked her, I didn't think of her as someone more than a friend. But we still continued to talk on a regular basis. And eventually over the course of two months I started to think of her as more than a friend. Yet it wasn't physical attraction. I didn't think she was stunning, or hot, or even that pretty. Yet I started to become attracted to what was on the inside. Her heart, her personality, her laugh, her intelligence, etc. Then after a few weeks I began to become physically attracted to her. But its not that she isn't physically attractive. Its just finding her beautiful on the inside made me realize that she is beautiful on the outside. Anyways, I told her about my feelings. She told me she liked me but not in a romantic way. Which I was cool with. We went to prom and we had fun, it was a little awkward at times but it was fine. I felt like I was a little too romantic at times and so I apologized to her. But she was cool with it. And know I am beginning to think that I am in love with her. I constantly dream about her. Not having sex with her but just having her be with me in my dreams. I also can't get her off my mind during the day. I am starting to believe that I must better myself physically, mentally, and spiritually for her sake not mine. Do you think I am in love with her? I am wondering what to do. Should I keep on being friends hoping that one day she will fall in love with me or should I just let our friendship fade to avoid a disastrous end and/or doing something that I will regret? Thanks for your time and suggestions.

Ian Witucki

[lillylove123]

Don't stop the friendship. Just keep being friends with her and make sure that she is comfortable at all times

[IanWitucki21]

Thanks I will definitely consider that. I really like her, and I don't mind being friend zoned. She is a really shy person and she is worried she will be lonely in college because she knows no one. I want to be someone she can talk to when she is stressed, lonely, bored, etc. But I also am afraid that if I continue to think about her I might do something impulsive or regretful or I might began to obsess over her and I definitely do not want that to happen.

[smackie9]

You need to heed her words, and start to distance yourself. You are missing out.....not with her, but with other girls. You are not going to have much of a chance with her, so your time and energy is best spent on focusing on meeting and hanging out with other girls. Being that close to her, being there for her is not a good idea. Any future GF will not find your relationship with her appropriate, and it will cause too much bs. There is nothing wrong with have light friendships with girls, but when it comes down to adult relationships, there isn't room for intensely close friendships with the opposite sex.

[IanWitucki21]

I agree with you for the most part and I thank you for your advice. This girl is the first girl I have fallen in love with and she has been so nice to me compared to the other girls have shown interest in. Maybe she just needs to time to get to know me better. But also maybe I should give up on having a close friendship, and stick to being just your usual friends like you said. I don't know what I am going to do . . .

[smackie9]

It takes time but you will gravitate to some other interest or end up hanging out with others. We all move on, it's never forever. During the summer there are plenty of things to do like finding a job, meeting new people at parties, making new friends at the lake, camping, or whatever you have planned.

[IanWitucki21]

Thanks for the advice and insight.

[IanWitucki21]

You speak wisdom and it would be unwise for me to act contrary to your advice, yet I find that love is not about making the wisest decision but about being true to ones heart and my mind, my heart, my soul all tell me to go after her. If I fail, at least I will be able to tell myself that I gave it my all. I have thought long and hard about forgetting about her. I even trying to stop thinking about her, but the more I tried the more difficult it got. I can't stop dreaming about her, not having sex with her in my dreams but just being her presence, being with her. Is that a sign that I must try or what? But right now is not the best time to advance my interests. Right now isn't even the best time to become best friends with her. No, right now is the best time be patient, to be there for her when she needs me to be, to become the best man possible for her because she deserves it. Life is short and you only get one. When you meet the girl of your dreams, you must not give up easily on her. And I am not one to give up. Wish me luck, I am going to need it. Thanks and God bless.

[pcmaster]

Good luck [MENTION=80352]IanWitucki21[/MENTION] . I see where are you coming from. Wish you to take actions that will lead you to happiness. Be brave and have a good summer. If you wana have fun then do something.

[Melynia21]

I know it's an old post. But i really like your story because it same like mine. But you know for some reasons give up is the best solution. You love her but at same time you hurting your self like i did. Your self is important. I know it's hard to forget her but you should try. How if she loves another boy? You'll get more pain if that happen. Dont wasting your time like i did. But if you still wanna waiting i hope your end story will not like mine. You're a good man, i thought the boy like you were extinct from the earthb. M.

[smackie9]

You have better results walking away than you do clinging on. You are most attractive when you are less or not available.