Should I stay or go

[Sally1210]

I have been in a long distance relationship for over three years and engaged for two of them. My fiancé lives in Ireland and I live in the U.S. We met on the Internet and met within three months of first talking and the rest is history. At the time of our meeting, he will still married but was separated for at over two years. His wife had moved back to the U.S. with their daughter and pregnant with another(the 2nd child is not my fiancé’s). We seemed to have run into road block after road block in our road to marriage. Many of these delays had to do with his wife and him not being assertive enough. He decided to adopt his wife’s second child without discussing it with me. I discussed with him that although I was fine with his decision that decisions that big should be discussed with me first. The divorce was finally finalized and he decided that he now does not want to live in my hometown. He now wants to love closer to his children. This was never part of our agreement and it was never anything that we have ever discussed. I do not feel that this move is realistic. I have a very good job in my area and he will be unemployed when he first moved here due to immigration. I do not feel that two people not having an income is a good idea for us or his children. I have encouraged him that he will be much closer living in my hometown than he would be living in Ireland, but I feel like my telling him these things, I am just trying to sell myself to him. We will need to help support his daughters and so my job will be important and it will give the girls the stability when they come to stay with us that they don’t get during other parts of the year. I am just starting to feel like he doesn’t want to be with me and these roadblocks are his way of pushing me to leave him so he doesn’t have to leave me. I don’t want him to be resentful of me if we don’t live closer than to the girls but I don’t want to be resentful of him if we do. I love him so much and my heart is just breaking.

[basilandthyme]

Yes, he wants to be with you, but he also needs to be near his children - he's their father! They will do far better with him being a constant in their life than being someone they visit on holidays.

If you date someone who has kids, it's pretty much expected that you'd move to be with them so that they can continue their parenting duties to the best of their ability. If you will resent moving so that he will be near his kids, you need to end it now.