Some advice, please & thank you.

[Pride4o8]

What's up everyone? Im new here, & I would love some advice if you have the time.


So I met this girl online. We texted, met for coffee, then she suggested lunch during the week. I took that as a good sign, & we continued to text almost everyday. We met for lunch on a Thursday & it was great. I asked her to dinner on sat but she had plans, but she suggested next weekend. We continued to text & I tried to keep it playful.

She suggested we get dinner while we watched the warriors game at a bar on sun. It went about as good as I could've hoped for. We talked & teased each other during the commercials, I made it a point to try to make physical contact whenever possible, & I got a nice hug after walking her back to her car.

It goes without saying that I thought things were going great between us. But this week, although we continued to text as before, she said she had a birthday party to go to on sat & had to run a lot of errands when I asked her to watch game 5 on sun. & she failed to suggest another time to go out.

I consider myself very intuitive & I know this is a horrible sign. Normally it wouldn't phase me but I'm really into this girl, & would like to get us back on the right track if at all possible, which is the purpose of this post.

So I wanted to make her miss me so I tried backing off from the texting, & it has seemed to work a little. She still texts me regularly, & is as attentive as always when I do text her, always getting back to me within 10 min, which confuses me. If she has lost interest wouldn't she try to fade away? Needless to say, it's pretty frustrating trying to figure out where I'm at. I want to continue to see her but I'm really hesitant about asking her again, since she should be the one to make a plan since she's busy right? It's only Friday, but I'm one who likes to have a plan going forward.

What's your opinion on my situation guys?

Some info regarding the girl...she's originally from Hong Kong but has been living here for 15 years. I felt this is relevant since asian girls have a whole different mindset when it comes to dating vs. American girls. I've dated many Americanized asian girls & even they differ in so many ways from the ones that weren't born here in the us.

She's also very careful & cautious when it comes to certain things, such as not revealing her actual dob, & only telling me it's in August after I told her my exact dob. She also is very inexperienced in relationships. She won't reveal the exact #, but she said it's "less than five" & her last relationship lasted 5 yrs, which ended a year ago .

She's also somewhat self-deprecating in that I'll catch her putting herself down once in a while. She has made it a point to tell me she used to be overweight. She now goes to the gym regularly &
she's totally hot in my eyes.

& not only is she hot, I'm really into her personality & just feel like I'm falling for her. I rarely feel this way, but I really think she could be the one for me.

I have a lot of questions...

What should I do?

Am I possibly making myself too available?

How should I handle it when she puts herself down? Should I re-assure her that she looks great or try to change the subject? I used to think she was fishing for compliments so I would give in once in a while, but it seems she has a hard time accepting them.

This is an extremely timely matter, as I don't want to blow it with this girl. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks to anyone reading this...

[LunV93]

It all has been to quickly, you shouldn't be so confused and I think you shouldn't act as if you don't care. You two were having a great time a few days ago and now you are freaking out because she couldn't hang out with you one day. She steel texts you and acts normal and you are acting weird. I think that if you keep acting that way she will think that you lost interest and go away.
Sometimes it is hard to lose your pride but maybe it would totally worth the pain. You have nothing to lose so why not asking her out again? You can try it once and if she doesn't accepts then you wait untill she asks you out.
These games shouldn't exist, if you miss someone call her!

[Wakeup]

IF you're going to ask her out again and she balks, has an excuse but doesn't give you a time that is good for her then: Next her.

If she was interested in more then you paying for her dinner she would have (as you intuitively know) asked to reschedule. Don't bother texting her anymore without asking her out. If she accepts another invitation from you, then you'd do well to do something inexpensive because my "Just-meeting-men-on-line-to-get-dinner" warning bell is chiming.

BTW: When you re-assure her when she puts herself down you're putting yourself in the friend-zone. Just ignore her bullshit fishing and only compliment her when she hasn't said anything negative about herself... If you be silly and continue to have this budding text buddy/Thanks for feeding my ego relationship you're currently establishing with her while you don't get to spend quality time with her.

[TheEvilJester]

I agree with Wakeup. I feel like I am saying that a lot lately, but that doesn't surprise me because I think Wakeup often has very good advice. Bottom line, what are you currently achieving by waiting around hoping she will try to make plans first? For that matter, from your story it sounds like she has been the one to at least suggest getting together before. Even if she wasn't necessarily the one to specifically get the ball rolling on making solid plans, you say she suggested lunch/dinner a few times. So, that sounds to me like she is interested.

She wasn't available for one weekend. Okay, so sure that COULD mean that her interest is fading and maybe she is no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Thing is, it could also just mean she was busy that weekend. Unless there is more you haven't shared yet of your story, it was ONE weekend.

Sure, since she is the one who was busy it would be nice if she suggested alternative plans, but just because she didn't doesn't automatically mean it was because she didn't want to. So, why not try again? Try for this weekend, or maybe next weekend. If it starts to become a regular thing where she seems to never have time for you, then I would say that is a good time to next her. I wouldn't necessarily immediately jump to the conclusion right now that she isn't interested, but I also wouldn't drag it on for too long.

I am not sure how I feel on the subject of complimenting her when she puts herself down. I do agree with Wakeup at least in that you shouldn't overdo it. That could have one of two results. It could put you in the friend-zone as Wakeup suggests because you'd become her buddy who is always there for her. The other possibility is it could possibly scare her off by making her think you are too into her.

However, maybe this is just me, but I don't necessarily feel like you should completely ignore it either. I think maybe just a simple, quick reassurance and then leave it alone. Again, I don't know. Maybe that is just me. Personally, I'd do the same for somebody who is just my friend, so I don't see the harm in doing it for a girl with whom you want to be more than friends. Again, within reason. Too much of that and you just become her "shoulder to cry on" so to speak. Fine if you wanted to be her friend, not so much if you wanted more (though, if and when you actually ARE boyfriend and girlfriend, I would say that is different).