should I not have taken the lead?

[moxieeixom]

Hello!
It would be extremely grateful to gain some insight from you guys out there.
…

He was my music tutor. Nothing dodgy, we're in our 30s.

A few months ago he stopped teaching to have an operation. I sent him a thank you email after our last lesson, and suggested a drinks catchup at some point. (We have never met up for drinks outside before). He wrote back thanking me for my thoughtful email, that drinks sounds great and he'd get in touch when he's free.

Two months later, he texted me and said he was returning back to work soon and if I wanted to start lessons again, that he had been meaning to meet up for drinks but was very broke.

I responded back saying I was unable to start lessons with him right now as I was busy with a heap of other music related activities. I didn't mention the drinks. He wrote back very happy that I was out and about progressing my goals, and that he wants to see me soon for drinks soon nonetheless cos he wants to hear all about what I have been up to.

I wrote back saying that I'd 'see him around'.

A friend later commented that my response didn't sound very enthusiastic, and is something you would respond to a guy you weren't interested in. I fancy him, have fancied him for a long time actually, but we both have fairly reserved personalities. Most of our dialogue has happened inside the studio during our weekly sessions (usually not more than 10mins conversation).

Anyway in light of that! three weeks after my last msg, I texted him to suggested a drink next week. He hasn't responded yet - a day now.

He is usually consistent with answering messages, but I don't know if he might be freaking out. I would be happy to let him take the lead to ask me when he felt ready to, but I got the feeling that it was my turn to do something. Rather than making him do ALL the work.

He seemed keen on catching up, but could he be freaking out that I actually attempted to make it happen? I have no idea. I would really hate it if he was only being enthusiastic in his responses because he felt like he needed to. If he wasnt up for the drinks, I would prefer he didn't keep bringing it up. He comes across to me as a reliable person, so I kind of have faith he means what he says. But, I can be so wrong sometimes.

Any ideas why he may be taking his time to respond?
Much appreciated!

[Wakeup]

He's ether not interested in getting to know you outside of Music Teacher/Music Pupil relationship or he's still broke and doesn't have the money for a night out with you. (as he lamely made as an excuse the first time why he never made a date to meet up)

He could have easily asked you out for a simple coffee that I'm sure he could have raised the nickles and dimes to achieve a "catch up" with you if he was actually thinking romantically about you or even as a networking attempt at regaining you as a pupil is my "guess." (you shot him down there so he may have crossed you off his "potential income/current client" list???)

You've made the invitation. You did nothing wrong so stop over-thinking it and forget the dud. He'll contact you if he's interested to. What that "interest" actually is could only be discovered later.

[Khocie]

It is possible that he is really not that interested as you might be, maybe he is feeling uncomfortable to go out with one of his students even thought you are in the same age group. I guess you will never know unless he decides to reply you. I think you have tried enough to suggest going out together leave it to him now if he replies well good if not you know where you stand with the tutor

[moxieeixom]

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

He got back to me today - said that he was working every hour of every day at the moment but would be more free later in the week and would get in touch then… lets see what happens. I think I have to prepare myself to think of him as a mate, else i will really lose myself in nervousness when we do actually meet up some point.

[Wakeup]

Let us know how it goes. :0)

[Khocie]

sweet wish you all the best

[moxieeixom]

Well - seems he started to take the lead. And I'm starting to believe that him being super busy and broke is probably genuine.

He finished working on a film this week, and invited me to the premiere of it right away. he missed out on getting me on the guest list but asked if i was free for drinks after. He's been great in organising the whole thing - he asked me which neck of the woods would work for me, then he suggested this great pub on the river. he kept me updated on his whereabouts during the film premiere before we were due to meet up for drinks, gave me plenty of time to arrive, and when i did, he was already standing there and initiated a hug.

Surprisingly it was really comfortable, chilled out, not awkward at all - we had never had this length of time for conversation before, time in the classroom was generally a bit awkward.

two ladies sitting next to us were teasing us about 'what we were' - he remained humble about it (didn't play yes, didn't play no) and i had to jump in and say no no its not the case. when he popped in the loo, i said that i had known him for three years and had no idea about what his situation was. she agreed to suss him out when he got back. he of course gave a very vague answer 'ah..its complicated…I've got my hand (there was a bandage on it)..thats all i need..' he is such a frustrating mystery - is he really in a complicated/forbidden/weird relationship, is he gay, i seriously don't have any clue.

he was keen to borrow my cat for a couple of weeks - mice in his house. we don't live that near eachother. could he not borrow one from his neighbours?

was a really lovely night, but absent from flirting or spark. maybe we didn't get drunk enough! and a couple of things he was talking about at the start of the night made me assume he was gay - which meant no way was i going to reveal myself.

neither of us has texted since we parted last night. not sure if i should be the one to say something nice, like thanks - no pressure sort of words. what would he want to hear from me? anything? nothing?

[SuperHappyTime1]

Well - seems he started to take the lead. And I'm starting to believe that him being super busy and broke is probably genuine.

He finished working on a film this week, and invited me to the premiere of it right away. he missed out on getting me on the guest list but asked if i was free for drinks after. He's been great in organising the whole thing - he asked me which neck of the woods would work for me, then he suggested this great pub on the river. he kept me updated on his whereabouts during the film premiere before we were due to meet up for drinks, gave me plenty of time to arrive, and when i did, he was already standing there and initiated a hug.

Surprisingly it was really comfortable, chilled out, not awkward at all - we had never had this length of time for conversation before, time in the classroom was generally a bit awkward.

two ladies sitting next to us were teasing us about 'what we were' - he remained humble about it (didn't play yes, didn't play no) and i had to jump in and say no no its not the case. when he popped in the loo, i said that i had known him for three years and had no idea about what his situation was. she agreed to suss him out when he got back. he of course gave a very vague answer 'ah..its complicated…I've got my hand (there was a bandage on it)..thats all i need..' he is such a frustrating mystery - is he really in a complicated/forbidden/weird relationship, is he gay, i seriously don't have any clue.

he was keen to borrow my cat for a couple of weeks - mice in his house. we don't live that near eachother. could he not borrow one from his neighbours?

was a really lovely night, but absent from flirting or spark. maybe we didn't get drunk enough! and a couple of things he was talking about at the start of the night made me assume he was gay - which meant no way was i going to reveal myself.

neither of us has texted since we parted last night. not sure if i should be the one to say something nice, like thanks - no pressure sort of words. what would he want to hear from me? anything? nothing?

Best case scenario, he's timid and doing the 'three days rule' (I wanted to post the Urban Dictionary link, but my account is still too young) If you didn't know, you can call him just fine.

Or he is gay. By stereotypes, musicians/actors enjoy the company of men more than other professions. Sexual preference can be easy to pick out after enough conversation (between guys anyway). What strikes me is that he didn't flirt with you. Did you flirt with him? Did you make it sound pretty apparent that this was a date?

[moxieeixom]

No, no flirting - well on my side i had in my head is was gay, so kept my distance! Him - not so sure. It sort of puts me off from pursuing it. He was my 'teacher' though. Either way, I think I will send him a thank you text - it would be polite! And I really want to at least let him know I had a lovely time. Many thanks for your thoughts
PS. this wasn't a date - it would freak the both of us out! - its the first time we went out alone since our lessons stopped three months ago

[smackie9]

You want to get with a man, you have to put the sexy on...dress sexy feminine, act all coy and fluttery, and be flirty. You have a wall up big time....take a shot. BTW your message was lackluster. You need to put the focus on you and how you feel.