Caught my girlfriend cheating

[Justin24]

I dated a girl for two years and found she was cheating on me for a year, got back together with her later on and she did it again. Flash forward to now, I'm dating an incredibly sweet girl and her family has welcomed me into their home for the past three months like one of their own. Last night I discovered that she's been texting another guy for the past year, and telling eachother they love one another almost every night. This guy is 20 years older and lives far away. My girlfriend claims he's just a friend who has helped her emotionally with her mom (Her mom was diagnosed with ALS and another serious disease). She told me when she met me she began to fall for me in ways she never thought imaginable, and that she loves this guy like a friend but couldn't bring herself to break off communication out of pity but has tried to contact him less and less, which granted from her texts seemed to look true. I know she loves me more than this guy, but at the same time she would text him calling him her person and say I love you and babe and baby and stuff of that sort. Her brother texted me last night pleading with me to give her another chance and that he held her all night sobbing. Last time I gave a girl a second chance, I regretted it. I know in my heart this girl is different, but apparently not as different as I would have hoped for. I left in a haste after discovering the truth last night, she took off today and is hoping to meet up and tell me her side. I told her last night that it's be better if she doesn't contact me anymore and after much begging she seemed to reluctantly agree. I need advice, should I hear her out? Should I just cut my losses now? This girl means a lot to me, and if i hadn't been cheated on before I probably would have just brushed it off by now. But I've learned that not everyone deserves a second chance

[megvoh]

Telling another guy you love them when in a committed relationship is a big No! No! and then using pet names, suspicious stuff.

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To add she doesn't respect you or your guys relationship doing any of that with another man, and that man is disrespecting you too and she lets him because she is enjoying his constant attention.

[Khocie]

It is not fair to judge people based on those you have had in the past at the same tie it is human nature to act in a particular way due to the experience of the past. At this point you really have a right to choose leaving her or trying to make it work. She is not ennocent also, I can understand the man was there for her when she needed someone to support her but your presence to her live should have replaced a need for the online guy if he really does not mean anything to her. She might be in love with him other wise why would they call each other with pet names. I would support any decision you make at this point

[Wakeup]

She sounds like she's sorry for it and perhaps if you have a talk with her about the inappropriateness of what she is saying to this man while being in a committed relationship, maybe she'll agree to block and delete him. She's emotionally attached to him that's for certain and that's not conducive to regaining the emotional connection you two enjoyed before her little "attachment" was discovered.

If she doesn't volunteer to block and delete him then I'd tell her to go have a happy and fulfilling text-husband and be done with her.

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Your call really , she's at fault no matter how you look at it.
The thing that is quite troublesome is that she's come in terms with you breaking up by accepting your offer ,hesitantly or not ,obviously choosing the other guy.
IF,you did want to give her a chance since everyone makes mistakes ,be sure to have a talk with the other guy ,cause getting rid of an attachement that lasted for years is quite the ordeal.

[TheEvilJester]

I will say this.... In my personal opinion, just the fact that her and this guy are friends is not the problem. Unlike what some may think, I think men and women can be just friends, it is just that the appropriate boundaries have to be understood and respected, especially when one or both are in a relationship with somebody else.

I can also agree that the "I love you" stuff is a bit iffy. I mean, sometimes saying "I love you" to a friend, regardless of gender, can be okay so long as both parties understand the meaning behind those words or only meant as "I love you as a friend." All the same, I can understand if it makes you uncomfortable, and you are definitely not wrong for that.

However, in my personal opinion, she definitely crossed a line in at least a couple ways from what you've shared with us. One, the pet names are not okay in my book. There is a difference between "nick names" that you'd call any friend and "pet names" that are more intimate and should only be used in a romantic relationship. Calling him "her guy" is not at all appropriate.

So, honestly, you are not entirely wrong to have broken it off. Do you give her another chance? Honestly, that really has to be your decision. It does sound like her relationship with this guy was never romantic, though. At least not in her mind. So that is very different from her directly and blatantly cheating on you. So, maybe that means you do give her another chance. I don't know.

If you do, though, you definitely need to have a discussion with her as to what the boundaries are for what you do and do not consider appropriate between her and this guy, or any other male friends she may have. That may mean her needing to distance herself from him completely, or it may even just mean balancing their friendship out more appropriately. Either way, IF you do decide to give her another chance, the appropriate boundaries need to be defined and respected. If they are not, then that is your clear sign to leave her for good.

Good luck to you.