I'm 25. Plenty of people have told me I could be a model.
I have one problem - every single time there's been a girl I've really wanted I haven't been able to get her, and two times this has broken my heart. I feel like the most recent time has been the roughest. I want to get out of her friend zone, and I do like her as a person in a lot of ways, but let's get real. I'm not dedicated to chasing her down.
I guess what gets me about this one is how she asked for my number within 2 minutes of meeting me. How we have strong common interests and intellectual threads that tie us together, how she's my exact type down to a tee, but I kissed up to her because I didn't want to mess up things with the second girl I really fell for. She called me hot a billion times in the early going, but I just know I ****ed up immensely in how I handled things.
And that's fine. You live and you learn. I was far more immature back then two or so years ago. I've made colossal strides since then as a person. And the last time we talked (since I was earnestly asking for some advice about another girl...and I really did want the advice, it wasn't a game) we finally had the awesome chemistry we really should have always had.
Again, I won't chase her. I'm open to the idea of falling in love with someone else, and it almost happened. And I realize I need to stop wasting my time and being tentative. I've never really enjoyed touching, and flirting with, and sleeping with all the girls I haven't cared less about. I've always wanted to really get to know the girls I ended up falling for, but, truth be told, when being honest with myself I knew I wanted them the moment I first laid eyes upon them, and anything else I can tell myself is a lie.
So, I want to know - what do I have to do to not hesitate and always keep my options open? Yes, I want the girl I've mentioned, but I don't need to have her, what need to do is break this cycle and learn to believe in myself.