it's just getting at me so can you help?

[theGingerOne]

(I have changed names to protect the identity's of the people) hi guys now before you start reading i would just like to say thank you for taking the time to read this and then if you do decide to comment thank you even more so about 1 year ago now started to have feelings for this girl called Bella, now when this started out I didn't expect it, the feelings I mean but I don something stupid because of these feelings....I pushed the away and then with that her. So my hole life I have been taught to hide my deep feelings away because people can use them against you, and every time I have had let some one in I get broken so I stoped for a while, but I found someone I could open up to but after a while she turned out to Twitter me completely and used me against my self this is my past relationship.

Beginning. so there was this music competition and I was in it with my friends as a drummer and she was with someone singing of monsters and men little talks and I remember that night being in the pre show room with me ear pressed um with a cup agents my ear to a wall to hear her sing. I went out side to cool off and my friends came out to join me so then what happened was she came over and stood 2 feet away from me and I she was wearing this pinkish dress with flowers on and I just imagined if she just came over to me and put her arm on my shoulder.
And guys I all ways remember the first time I fall for some one romantically.

Now I hadn't fallen in love with Bella but I had before in my past relationship but after that ended I said that the next girl will not be friends before but we can't change what happens. So over the next couple of weeks I started seeing her a lot more in the lockers I would go to class earlier so see her, take different routs to see her and adjust my time table just so I could spend an extra minute with her. So I started notice it what was happening so then I thought what if it is a good thing so one day she was in the locker room so I went to ask her out and she said guess what and I was like what she said Adam asked me out I was like so what did u say she was like well I no obviously so I thought maybe I shouldn't Ask her out .

Then I started so pushes her away, how did I do this, in the most cruel and painful way for the both of us and would result destroying me emotionally and hurting her and ruining any chance I get to be with her so, what I did i matched her up with a guy called chuckles and I thought if I see her happy with someone else I would have to leave her alone....but now I tore me apart by a little piece by little piece so it didn't work but me being me I just superseded my emotions and lied to her by seeming happy when I saw them two together.
No one new about me feelings that were now getting bigger and bigger and suppressing it for so long will come back and bite me in the ass later on. I told 1 person about her my friend Ralph as we were walking back to mine to shoot one day and he said you could do so much better and I was like she is better and if not then I don't want better I want Bella. After that it came to the holidays and new years came around and I want over to one of my friend Bryan 's girlfriends May and when I heard that she was guna be there I well was quite happy so I went and my friend Bryan was then with May and my other friend Tom was there with his girl friend crystal and then there was just me and Bella (quickly I forgot to add that Bella and chuckles had broken up) so all night we had been geting close and personal and then when the ball dropped we kissed and again and we had a moment after and then a bit later she said she was tired so she wanted to go to bed so we all did and I slept down stairs with the lads and she slept up stairs with the lasses but then May came in and said Bella wants to say good night and then I kissed her good night.
Later on May came in cuss the lads were still up and she said Bella went upstairs and was feeling out then I gut all confusing after that I can't really Remember. so then the next morning I spoke to Bella as she said I'm sorry for kissing you I shouldn't have done it and she said she was not looking for a relationship and I said that that was ok of of corce I was lieing again. Week later I asked Bella to prom and she told me later on yes I was so happy I could not express but a day later found out I had a exclusion ( I was not aloud to come in to school the next day and I would go on record) the news quickly got to Bella and she was angry.

There was a line to get in to prom and there were to be NO exclusions so I asked the head of year to please please let me go and she said its down to the head teacher so I went I to his office and I found out he was else were so I rushed and found him so he was I a good mood and I asked him and he said we will see. So fast forward to Mays pool party were every one from New year's was there plus more people who I was friends some closer than others. Things were good between me and Bella and we would txt regularly but tonight she was off with me and she spoke to me but not as much as expected so it was weird kinda. Then let's fast forward again and its near the end of exams and we are still talking the same and the big group mainly from the party's, we have gone to costas and she sits right next to me and is laughing at all my jokes and she smiles when I wink at her. Then we have revision sessions and she comes in to my class just to talk to me and said hi as soon as I walk in to her class to ask the teacher were the books are. We all so go to Costa with my friend P.T and she see us and then asked so come with us so walks and talks with me the hole way.

Then fast forward even more and no more exams and a pool party and she's there and it has been her bday and we all chipped in to get her a bracelet and I have put double to what we were asked to put in and I asked May (btw May is the one that is hosted most of the party's so if i say different just assume is her party) so I asked May not to tell Bella I put in the most other wise she might think that I was trying to buy her so then she loved it but most of the night she just well kinda ignored me but not badly or in a bad way just more of a she was annoyed with me because at the beginning I had just come in a suite cuss I just had to hand out some C.V's and then she was in her two piece but still had shorts on and she was like Don t pushed me in and I was like oh ok so I picked her up and jumped in with her whistles I was in my suite but because she still had her shorts on she go annoyed so I apologise the next day and she said it was fine.

Now prom night is here and I have just come back from camping and I look scruffy, long hair smell bad finger nails no shave so then I had to get all dressed up for prom and I had brought her a dove necklace and I have dove cuflinks and designed the corsage and I go to Mays and I walk in to the back and wow like wow my breathing started to climb she just looked so beautiful and I just think of it now and I get butterflies but I couldn't express how amazing she looked, and I was so happy and that I was taking the most beautiful girl there but I didn't really know how to say how good and amazing she looked I wish I could have. So prom a ok night and had a talk with one of my mats Taylor we were at the venue and we walked up to a hill bit to get away from all the noise and talked about what was happening and he told me that last time there were at a party (I could not go I was away) she told him some thing witch now makes sense why Bella and chuckles had a bad brake up and I was so annoyed a chuckles.

Then we decided to head back and noticed that every one was in so we cleaned our selves off and walked in late with every one cheering so I saw my friend Tom talking to Crystal and I decided to grow some balls and talk to Bella so I wanted till she was off the dance floor and and then I asked to talk to her so I said that I think that you have known that I have had feelings for you for some time but I don't think you know how long I have had them and so she said I think I do I said when do u think she said a couple months ago and I asked her when did I start seeing you randomly in the locker room and she stops to think and then said sounds that was the name of the music competition and she said oh wow nearly a year ago and I said but I just wanted you to know and that so yh and she said well I sort of do this thing called courting and sad I do u know what that is and so I said no and she said I was a kinda religious thing and that she has to really get to know a guy before dating and normally u save the first kiss for marriage but she said she won't do that and she said she started to do it after every thing happens with chuckles and then I was a good ending and we hugged and walked off. I dident tell her anything else, nothing about that I didn't want to feel for any one and that I put her hand chuckles together and that the kiss we had was more than a kiss, i have more to tell her but it's hard. Prom was on the 3rd of July I broke down like never before that knight when I got home and am annoyed at my self for feeling for some one else and am thinking that shutting me self out more and more from feeling it so that way i don't get hurt and I don't fell, I haven't herd from her since. its the 5 th of July now
6ft 4 1/2
Ginger
Nerdy
Keep fit and build robots am doing a degree I advance electronic engineering at college

[basilandthyme]

Really want to help you. Can you please add paragraph breaks so I can read it

[Wakeup]

Seconded! ...

[theGingerOne]

Thanks and there you go

[smackie9]

Go talk to her and see if she wants to go out and do something.