Don't know if I should let go or keep trying?

[RussiaBound24]

Ok to start off I've been seeing this guy for about 2-3 months now, we met on a dating app, his profile was bare save his height, that he's in the navy and that he likes to have good times with good people, now normally I don't deal with military guys, don't care for them because of the ones I've met and dated but well we can all see how well I stuck to that personal trait but I saw his picture and wasn't instantly taken or uninterested but I knew I had to meet him, something just told me to do it, and I talked with him for a bit and we both agreed to meet for coffee. I got there before he did and was uncharacteristically nervous and anxious, I had actually been praying to miss the bus so I would miss the date or wishing I would have stood him up, but no I went to the coffee place. I was sitting waiting for him, drinking my white hot chocolate trying to calm myself, when he walked in and we locked eyes, and I felt my heart stop, it was almost instant connection, connection I hadn't felt for another person of the opposite gender since my oldest friend in grade school, I waved he said hi and had the same look I had, fearful joy, I waited as he got his coffee and when he sat down he didn't talk the whole time just listened. We left there cause it was closing time and went to another place, and then drove around for a few minutes before he dropped me off at home, with the most awkward kiss and exchange of mobile numbers.

Now we went on three dates before he finally brought me to his place, and that night was the first time since the start of my last relationship that I've enjoyed and wanted intimacy that way. The next time we were intimate like that I had mentioned that I was planing on taking TEFL to get a teaching certification and to move out of country to Moscow, he didn't say anything about it, he mentioned that he wanted to move back to SD, and that maybe I should move there to take my courses, I dislike SD a lot for a number of reasons so when I said why there in a less than savory way he said oh I think everyone should live there, end of that convo. On to the next time we were alone again I mentioned again my dream home in Moscow, he said that he was thinking of moving too, to CC but if he found a place here he'd stay here in my town ( him moving to CC would put him in a much cheaper place and a bit closer to his work), and I said oh that's cool, but its cheap out here too and I told him some options and he said he'd see, now the time before this he had mentioned that a chick he had been seeing before me when he first got here had claimed he gave her something, he had been tested and said he's clean she said whatever she said and I had asked why she would say that and he said it's probably because I'm not emotionally attached to anyone or anything, the only reason why he told me about her was cause I was worried, my educated guess and knowledge of how the military works stands to reason he's clean, as testing is mandatory and they give them whatever they need.

Now since those last two times he's gotten very distant and quiet, talking less and less and as of today neither of us texted one another, so I don't know if he's pulling away to save himself, or if he really is emotionally distant and unavailable, I just know I fell in love again for the first time in 6 years, and I never thought I would, and I had a relationship for two years before breaking it off about 8 months ago cause it was deeply abusive and I just didn't love him, I was in lust with him, with this current person I don't feel just sexual attraction, I actually care and worry about him and always pray and hope he has a good day and nothing goes wrong, but I'm feeling like I just wasted two months for a person that wasn't ever going to be anything more than a lay...

I also know he just got a promotion just a couple weeks ago so I don't know if he's just mentally tired and worn out by the end of the day or what, but I'm literally going up the walls driving myself insane with worry and anxiety. Lord knows I didn't want to fall in love again, at least not this quick.

[basilandthyme]

I'm confused. Why are you starting out dating a guy and worrying about his intentions if you're planning on moving to Moscow?

[RussiaBound24]

I want to move there but do NOT know if I CAN, I have a few medical issues that might keep me state side, I've also been debating on waiting for the political air there to kind of disperse, and just because I'm planning it doesn't mean it will happen. I am looking to do this for two reasons one is necessity I need a job to move from a toxic family and two I want to see Russia. I also know I might stay state side for a while IF and when I get the certification done simply for experience, and just because I want to move there doesn't mean I cannot date and worry about another persons intentions because of plans that are not set in stone. If everyone did that then a lot of things wouldn't be the way they are now, certain people wouldn't be here if they did the things they planned, like me for instance had my mother divorced my father when she had planned to I would not be here but she went against her plan because of some reason. Life is a game of what if, what if I don't go down this street, what if I had gone down this road what if what if what if, like I said my plans are not set in stone for a number of reasons, and I want to explore as much as I can as soon as I can, especially if I feel like I've connected with a person, I'd rather put off something that will still be there tomorrow and see if I can cultivate what's in front of me right now. Russia is still going to be there tomorrow, my chances of maybe being happy with someone who MIGHT like me probably won't be.

[basilandthyme]

OK, this is how you feel about dating. But it doesn't mean that your guy would share the same thoughts. Could he be pulling away because he doesn't want to get emotionally tied up with someone who's talking about leaving?

[RussiaBound24]

Sorry for late reply, net has been really awful.

That is something I have been considering and I've been trying to find a way to let him know my feelings without being too... Pushy? I don't know the word I really wanna use for this, I kind of wanna let him know without saying it outright, but we all know how well that goes in so many situations not just the ones that concern matters of the heart, so I'm just lost on what to do.

And that attitude I have I usually have it for more than just dating issues, I use it for so many more things, I try to use it for life in general, just makes things seem a little smoother.