Shall I express my feelings of insecurities early on in a relationship?

[Chezmunt]

I have been dating my boyfriend now for about 2 months. I have found it very hard connecting with him on an emotional level as of course in the beginning of relationships things don't start off quite so intense so soon with feelings and such. But I am thinking by now things should start to pick up with that now shouldn't it? We have played the chasing game, flirted and enjoyed each others company and we have both said we really like each other.

We haven't yet said those 3 words to each other but I am sure he feels it. Or I would like to think he does anyway. The issue is that I find it is very on the surface still and this is making me feel like I am really only reliant on my intuition, guesses, my thoughts and feelings on how things are going. He also expressed to me that he does find it very hard to say how he is feeling and isn't very good with words... i managed to to get this out of him by some stroke of luck as I was probing him on why he doesn't cry as he mentioned that he doesn't cry for anything. I am thinking that the fact he has problems with this is the reason why I am feeling so in the dark about things because he isn't expressing his feelings to me?

So the last time we were together things felt really off and we didn't even have sex which made me feel something is wrong. We were about to have sex but as I was giving him oral pleasure I gagged and felt like throwing up so I went to rinse my mouth out came back and wanted to continue. He didn't want to continue because he said I killed the mood. When he went home I was left feeling empty, confused and upset. He was very cuddly and affectionate with me but the lack of sex and emotional connection with him makes me feel something is missing. I am pretty sure he hasnt even a clue that anything is even wrong. Maybe he is just trying to show that he doesn't just want sex with me and it really doesn't matter if we don't do it?

On top of all this, I am also very nervous around him still because I am finding it hard to drop my barriers. I am putting part of the 'off' feeling down to this because I got awkward every now and then and the conversation sometimes went dry. I am really scared of being hurt and I think in the past my boyfriends would try and get through those barriers but he isn't. I have a feeling that he is really into me obviously otherwise he wouldn't be bothering but this lack of emotional communication is making me question where things are going and I am not sure what is going on from his side. I just want to connect with him and share what we are both feeling because I am feeling very empty now. It feels like it is going stagnant and I am not being fed what is needed in order to move forward from this. He cant possibly be thinking this is ok by how on the surface things are at the moment? Or am I trying to run before I can walk with this?

I thought to write to him as I find it easier this way and talk to him about how I am feeling and I am not sure if it is too soon and too intense to bring up. I don't want to scare him off or put him off with all this as he seems to be playing it very cool. So I wrote out something I am thinking of sending him and would like some advice if it is ok to send this? Some thoughts on my general situation with this would be appreciated also.

Today I went through a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions as it was really bothering me. I was trying to make sense of the awful feeling of emptiness and it took a lot of figuring out to come to what I have just explained. I even thought maybe I should just end it with him because this feeling scares me and I want to end it before he hurts me sort of thing. Of course this will hurt me anyway but it will feel a lot better than it coming from him. Only because I don't know what he feels so I have conjured up all sorts of scenarios in my head. Am I thinking into it too much?

Here is the message I want to write to him:

I want to talk to you about a few things. This is probably way too intense to be bringing up with you but I need to talk about it otherwise I think it causes confusion. I don't know about you but over the weekend when you stayed over something felt a bit off. And I will be honest with you I have not been feeling very good about it. I am thinking it's got something to do with me and how I can't seem to just relax around you and I know the conversation was a bit dry at times because of this. I have been trying to make sense of why I am being like this and I have come to the conclusion that I am just being extremely cautious. I have been burned really badly in my past and I believe I have barriers up in order to protect myself. I think I am really just scared and so find it difficult to open up to you. On top of that i am really uncertain of how you are feeling a lot of the time and that makes it even worse for me. I really like you and I want to be able to connect with you more... I thought I would tell you this so it helps you understand if I seem a bit withdrawn. When you asked if I was down, you were right. I was feeling shitty because I know I am not being myself but I want to be I just find it very hard. The awkwardness with sex at the weekend also left me feeling really not good. It's very important for me to be intimate and it really felt odd that we spent all that time together and nothing happened. It upset me that you didn't want to continue. I would like to know how that made you feel or what has been going through your mind about that?

[basilandthyme]

I hope this makes it to you before you act - DO NOT SEND THE MESSAGE! It's needy and anxious and over analysing.

You've only been together for two months. It's too early to be thinking about "those three words". At this stage, it's about finding out of you're compatible and are easy company.

Breaks in conversation are normal. Have you never sat with a friend in companionable silence? We don't need to fill each gap with words. Why probe him about the fact that he doesn't cry? It's just who he is - accept it without question.

It's not his job (or any man's job for that matter) to try and get through the walls you put up. Those wall are your own doing and your own problem. And him getting turned off sex when you run off gagging is not really surprising.

Try going with the flow. Try not analysing. Try to not second guess.

All that being said, if you're really, truly not feeling it, then leave. It's only been two months - it's hardly like you're breaking a promise of a a life together.