i'm afraid to show interest in girls because i don't want to lead them on?

[shadower4]

i worded that title badly.. anyhow i'm very introverted and lately people have been trying to hook me up with girls, like this one girl who is in another state, she's really nice and we have been texting but i don't want a long distance relationship and she's definitely interested and keeps trying to get to know me even after it old her i don't want a long distance relationship, my other friend invited me to atlantic city for 2 days, he will be with this girl but he got a big room for free, he knows this girl who is single and she is interested ( based off facebook) i never spoke to her before, he says he could invite her too so we could hang out, i know it's just dating but what if i end up not liking her that much and she likes me and starts texting me, like idk how it works... i'm 22 now, i crushed on a girl last semester at colllege and she was flirting with me but kind of led me on, she ended up having something with another guy and it really hurt, i don't want to hurt anyone, so if i'm not interested in this girl and she is in me then after the nights in atlantic city how do i handle the situation ?

[basilandthyme]

If she's hitting on you and you're not interested, just tell her that you enjoy her company but that you aren't looking for anything more.

One of the problems I see with your fear of hurting others is that you're taking on responsibility for how other people feel. People can feel all kinds of things that we didn't intend for them to feel. Sometimes we change our minds on something we want and someone does get hurt. But they get over it - just like how you got over missing out on the girl who was crushing on you last year.

Love is a risk. Work is a risk. Life is a risk. If we spend our whole lives worrying about reducing risk, then we will attempt little and achieve less.

BTW, did you make an effort to snare that girl when she made her interest known? Or were you too timid? Thing is, it's entirely possible that she just figured you weren't into her and gave up pursuing you. And if this is the case, you can hardly blame her for what she did.

[shadower4]

If she's hitting on you and you're not interested, just tell her that you enjoy her company but that you aren't looking for anything more.

One of the problems I see with your fear of hurting others is that you're taking on responsibility for how other people feel. People can feel all kinds of things that we didn't intend for them to feel. Sometimes we change our minds on something we want and someone does get hurt. But they get over it - just like how you got over missing out on the girl who was crushing on you last year.

Love is a risk. Work is a risk. Life is a risk. If we spend our whole lives worrying about reducing risk, then we will attempt little and achieve less.

BTW, did you make an effort to snare that girl when she made her interest known? Or were you too timid? Thing is, it's entirely possible that she just figured you weren't into her and gave up pursuing you. And if this is the case, you can hardly blame her for what she did.

very wise and true, thank you for your advice, and no i never have ill intentions whens it comes to love more specifically, are you speaking about the girl from another state? i told her i didn't want a long term relationship and want to just be friends but she keeps getting personal with me via text and facebook, i don't as questions back and be short, idk what else to do about that, i think i'm handling it right, i'm so bad when it comes to girls because i have so little experience in relationships, all i used to care about was tennis, bodybuilding and computer games , didn't even want friends, i had issues to say the least

[basilandthyme]

It's a generic phrase which can be used on any girl.

This girl who is texting and FBing you - I can't comment about how well you're handling it because I don't know what she's saying to you. Is she being sexy/romantic or is she asking about your favourite bands and what you do in your free time? Are you sure she's trying to get you to be her boyfriend? The lack of response you're giving will put you on a fast track to not having her as a friend at all. I'm not sure if this is your intention. If it is your intention, then why not just block/unfriend her?

[TheEvilJester]

Dude, Can I just say that you are awesome for even thinking about this in the first place? Do you know how many guys wouldn't give two craps about how the girl in the situation feels, or even worse, would intentionally lead women on and use them? Now I almost kinda want to date you.... and I'm a straight male. LOL!

Okay, kidding. I'm totally into women and not at all into guys unless they are Bruce Campbell or the Rock. ....Wait! CRAP! Did I say that last part out loud? LOL!

Sorry, sorry. Being serious again...

That is awesome that you really care about that. The thing is basil is right. You can't control somebody else's feelings. If she is into you, but you just aren't feeling it, all you can really do is be honest (but gentle) with her about that and hope for the best. There should be no hard feelings if that happens. By the same token, though, think of it this way..... What if it turns out that you two really hit it off? You are really into her, and she is really into you? Wouldn't you be kicking yourself for even thinking about not giving it a shot?

So, why not give it a try? That is one of the issues you face in any dating scene. It is always possible one person could be more into the other person than vice versa. It's a risk you always run, but if you let that risk stop you from trying then how are you ever going to find anybody?

Sure, rejection hurts, but it wouldn't be deliberately hurtful of you if you wind up not being into her. Just be nice and polite about it if that is the case and you have done no wrong.

Good luck to you!