Hi everyone, I'm new here so be gentle! (this is quite a long story by the way)

[BritinBcn]

Hi

I found this site while looking for some advice, I'm not sure if I can post my story in this thread or if I should just introduce myself here, I am an English man living in Spain. Hopelessly unlucky in love so far.

Well I will write my story here and I hope I don't get in to trouble for it.

At the beginning of this year I finished my long term relationship, part of the reason I moved out here was to be with her but when we reconnected there just wasn't a spark and I didn't want to continue something that I knew wouldn't work, one of the very few times in my life I have done the right thing and the only one of my ex lovers I have managed to remain friends with, she really is a wonderful girl but I know we are better off being just friends.

I had a couple of months to myself and once I felt happy being alone I knew I was ready to start meeting people again so I signed up to some dating sites I had fun looking but very little success, I didn't mind I found it funny almost that I had been through every female in my city on tinder and faile to get any matches, well I got a few I consider myself a fairly attractive guy but none that I connected with, I had a few dates but I knew this time I was not just looking for someone to fill the void of loneliness I was looking for someone special to share my life with so I had a very high standard that I was looking for.

I then discovered a new app, and was very very successful, getting lots of matches and messages, I arranged lots of dates.
One Thursday morning I met Maria she was beautiful and we connected very well even though we spoke in Spanish so it was a little difficult for me, she had a child so I knew I had to take things slow as I was aware she would be looking for a responsible adult but I liked her a lot already, I figured I would take my time, live my life a little better and slowly become the man she wanted.
On Friday I had another date arranged, the girls pictures were not great she looked a little plain and I tried to cancel saying I was broke that month as I am a teacher and it was the school holidays and I am only paid for the days I work. Patricia was her name, she was very stubborn and told me not to worry, that she would pick me up in her car and she would pay for my drinks, well I thought why not it's a free drink after all.

When we met she was much prettier than the pictures and she spoke near perfect English, we kissed that first night.
we met again 2 days later and were like teenagers, we held hands and kissed lots it was a very special day.
Maria and I met again during the week and had a nice time again, but could not spend so much time together as I had work commitments.

Things between Patricia and I were moving very fast, we would message each other many times each day and talk on Skype in the evenings.
Then she told me she had a date arranged for Friday and if they connected she would sleep with him, this made me upset and we argued, I was supposed to meet Maria on Friday but Patricia and I agreed we would both cancel our dates and meet on Friday and go straight to her house and to bed.

I will not go in to detail about the next part let's just say it was amazing.
On Saturday Patricia told me she loved me, I was a little shocked, I am a hopeless romantic but this was too soon, however by Sunday I agreed I loved her also. She seemed so wonderful and exotic to me, I should have guarded my feelings more.
We spent nearly each day together for the next couple of weeks, she bought me a book I really wanted, I thought she was so thoughtful and kind, as well as wonderful and pretty, she told me how she recorded my voice when we talked on the phone so she could listen to it when I wasn't with her.
At the end of these couple of weeks I suggested we have a few days apart because it was moving a bit fast, something in that moment changed, she looked stressed as I left her house and started doing yoga, now I must say here she had stated a few times she was not ready for anything serious as had only been out of a long term relationship for a short time, like myself, however I said everything happens for a reason and she agreed.

I tried hard not to message or speak to her, but she was on my mind so much and I visited her at work, everything seemed finne when she saw me, we went for a little walk and kissed.

That night we spoke on the phone and she broke my heart, she said she wanted to see other people and be able to sleep with them, we had made an agreement before that we could meet other people but no more than kiss with them, although we both admitted we had stopped lookinng since meeting each other.

I was very upset, I could not sleep, anyway we argued all the following day, and then on Thursday when we were supposed to meet she said it probably wasn't a good idea, I said look let's just meet in person, I have some things I need to get back from your house, we'll have a conversation and I will go home.
I could not bear the idea of sharing her.
I arrived to her house and she greeted me with a full on passionate kiss as if nothing had changed.
We made an agreement to spend the net 2 days together and then go our seperate ways, this was a terrible idea, by the next day my heart was breaking so much and it was worse being with her, I'm not proud of myself but I instigated an argument in public in restaurant where we were having lunch.
We didn't spend the whole 2 days together, i went home that night.
I don't know why but the next day I messaged her, she said some nice things, and i invited her to meet me on Sunday.
We met on the Sunday, in my mind just as friends but after a little while together she kissed me, I was so happy, she said I had my smile back.

The next day she was very cold towards me no messages and when I messaged her, her replies were very short and non receptive.
We had agreed on the Sunday to meet on Wednesday when we did I told her we must talk now I am not the most eloquent person when it comes to epressing feelings and I said some things that were not particularly nice, I must point out that we had also not been particulalry responsible, and she told me she was worried she may be pregnant. Perhaps this was the killer part but she told me I need to learn to be happy on my own, and I replied that I was happy before I met her, she stormed off saying that I am too difficult for her.

I had to stay in her life until I knew if she was preganant or not, I even met with her once more as friends and helped her with a stall she was running to make money for abandoned cats.
The day when she informed me she was not pregnant I deleted her from all social media, I had got very ill and was losing weight rapidly, it had been a very short but intense relationship and it hurt me a lot that she didn't want me in her life the way she did before and that she was no longer in love with me, she never actually said that but I never wanted to ask as I knew the answer.

My bosses at school noticed how unhealthy I had began to look and were worried about me, I was not taking care of myself, it felt like someonne very close to me had died, and not having her in my life at all was the only way I could deal with it.

A few weeks passed and she emailed me some videos we had taken before, I was angry at this, she used the only medium I couldn't block her from to contact me and although there was no substance in her email other than here are those videos I took it very badly, I sent a very unpleasant reply back, I am not proud of it but she had hurt me and it felt like she wanted to make sure i was still thinking of her.

Now thanks for reading this far if you have this all happened a few months ago, it took me a while to get over it, in fact writing this I guess I am not fully.
But it wasn't what happened with Patricia that brought me here, a few weeks ago I met Aline, she was a journalist and broadcaster from Brazil, we met on a dating site and we talked lots before meeting and she told me she was a very deep and spiritual person, I thought things could not go the same as before becuase she was not so superficial.
I was wrong, Aline and I talked for 2 or 3 weeks beofre we met, we had 2 dates on the second date we kissed, I was very happy and perhaps a little star struck with her being a TV presenter.

Then something strange happened she stopped messaging me, I occasionally messaged her, I tried to arrange another date but she made it difficult, then on wednesday this very week I spoke to her and I said what is going on she said look I'm not ready for a relationship, I said you know what just be honest, if you have met someone else I'd prefer you just tell me as we were talking all the time before and now we barely speak.
She said she would answer me later, well that was my answer right there, I replied you don't need to, I said I wished people werenn't so obvious it's very boring, later that ight she cofirmed I was right, I flipped and perhaps it wasn't fair it was like everything with Patricia played out in microscopic detail again, I had had 2 dates with this girl and I said some unpleasant things to her like all that stuff about being spiritual was bullshit and that she was as vacuous and shallow as every other girl in this city. I deleted her from my social media.

So I guess I kinnd of want to know what you guys make of all this, why is it I feel like a stepping stone for every girl to move on to someone better, like they come to me for a quick confidence boost and then move on and why does no one seem to care at all how this makes me feel.

I never really knew Alinne, but what makes me feel really pathetic is I know if Patricia said the word I'd come running back to her.
Now I feel super lonely and I know I cann not rely on other people for my happiness, but it's the way bboth of these girls played me that ****s me up, perhaps it's me I mean I'm an intense guy,and it's probably a big part of the reason things keep happening the same way.

Anyway any advice and words of kindness would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading sorry it was such a long post.

[AdminOnline]

Hi BritinBcn and welcome to Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion! Hope you enjoy your stay here.

[christiana]

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