My girlfriend said she needed some time to calm herself down, and request not to see

[dio9366]

My girlfriend said she needed some time to calm herself down, and request not to see each other temporarily

So we have been dating for one and half year, so this is quite a long tern, intimate relationship. We know each other very well and we allowed each other to walk into both life pretty much very deeply. She even talks about getting married and have kids.

During this time, we fought quite a few times. The problem mostly because of communication or idea differences. She was not a very good communicator, she tend to hide her reason of being angry and expect me to feel for her.
My problem she told me once probably was lack of empathy. I am not a very sensitive person, sometimes I may not notice small things I said might hurt her feelings. example like we watch the same movie, she enjoys a lot, but I feel the
movie is very boring and tell her how I feel.

When she was showing her childish temper instead of communicating with me , I tend to walk away or keep distance every time we fought, saying something like "Forget it" or " Maybe we both need some time alone" things like that.

Maybe she thinks that every time we fought it is always her problem and I am always stay upper handed. This time we fought over some small unimportant matters, something like I felt she is ignoring my text message so I told her
"If you don't wanna talk to me fine! maybe we should talk less now on" I usually give her a lot of freedom and space, never bother with text message she replied, but this time she really gives me the feeling that she was avoiding communication with me.

she said to me she need to calm down and she doesn't want to see me temporarily. I was quite surprise when she told me that. I knew sometimes I did hurt her feelings pretty deeply. I am not very good at express or sense others emotions. I do love her, maybe in time I made her felt that she is not important to me, but the truth is that she IS very important to me.

Should I let her know this? or should I give her some time and space to think about it? what is the best way to positive communicate with her? please help! Thank you!

[basilandthyme]

Dio, telling someone that you've had enough of watching movie that you've watched repeatedly is not lacking in empathy. Likewise, if you watch a TV series together and become tired of the silly plot, it's OK to say so. It's just being honest. Would she really expect you to continue watching it while bored and not say anything? This is not a personal affront to her and she's silly to get offended by it.

On the other hand, saying to her "If you don't wanna talk to me fine! maybe we should talk less now on" if she takes to long to return your text is very childish of you and can only result in her becoming defensive and having a fight. What about saying "when I don't hear from you, I feel X"?

If these are good examples of the kind of things which upset each of you, I think you both need to learn to chill out. One of the best pieces of advice I can give each of you is "don't sweat the small stuff". In a relationship, it's SO important to let the minor things go. To not get angry about them....to just take a deep breath and let it slide away without comment.

And when one of you does need to comment on the behaviour of the other, it must be done in a way that doesn't involve accusing or attacking them. (your response to the slow texting being a perfect example of how not to do it).