Help PLEASE! Need advice!

[brianaleshea]

I am 21 years old. I broke up with my ex of 4 years on July 24, 2015. Shortly after the break up he was already in another relationship. To be specific he got into the new relationship on Aug. 2nd. He seems really happy! I haven't talked to him since Aug. 13th when he sent me a text message that specifically said, "Hey brie. I love you and care for you but I'm not in love with you. The love we used to share is no longer there. I'm tired of the arguing and blowing up my phone. Goodbye." I figured he messaged me that not only telling me his feelings, but to also see what I would say back. I broke up with him because we constantly argued over nothing. He told his family we broke up because I "bitch" to much. Also, since the break up him and I do not talk period! He walks passed me like he has no clue I'm even there. It really does hurt me, but I don't act like it bothers me in front of him. Also, 2 weeks ago...his mom told me she saw him at my job in the parking lot. For what idk? Then last week, I went to church and he made it a point to stare at me the whole time we were there, after church that night I was having fun with some friends and also his cousin and my ex came over (knowing he isn't allowed at my house) anyways, he came over and knocked on my door and told his cousin to come hang out with him, prior to that....I dropped my dog off in my exes truck so he could see him, and he brings my dog back cussing me out ect and he sprayed his clongue all over my dog. I'm just so confused. The woman he's with now, is a pill head, with a 16 year old boy, she has no job and he's having to pay all of her bills. She was 4 months behind on her car payment, and 3 months behind on her rent and my ex caught up All of her bills. She's extremely trashy as well. When I see them two together Noe I pretend that it doesn't bother me when in reality it kills me inside. I miss my ex more than anything and I truly do love him. For some reason I just cannot let him go. How can he be so happy after our 4 year relationship? I figured because its not only something "new" and exciting for him, but also he's running for the situation. Can any help me out? Does anyone think that he'll come back? One other thing he told me is that he never thinks about me or nothing. Even though I broke up with him, I wasn't expecting it to be this way. I wanted to at least be able to say hey to one another, but w don't even speak anymore. I miss him terribly! :''(

[solarion]

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference and neither of you have displayed an ounce of it.

How can he be so happy after our 4 year relationship?

Simple. He's not. He's playing you dear...and it's working. People that are truly over their exes do not stalk them, make excuses to see them, say "I love you", or cuss their exes out. He has rushed into a new relationship when he was not over you.

I'm sorry, I feel bad for you as you're obviously in pain. You should not have broken up with him if you still loved him. You hurt him, pushed him into her arms when he almost surely would rather be in yours, and now he's dealing with the pain by lashing out at you emotionally and verbally. I suggest you try to drop contact with him to zero. Get yourself together. If it was meant to be he will be back.

[Wakeup]

Why would you want him back though? You argued all the time, he's really got a problem with boundaries, he's an idiot (paying for someone's he doesn't even know debt and back-bills?) He's rude and he's insensitive.

Yes.. DO go zero contact and give yourself time to get over the addiction of having him in your life. You're currently going through a bit of withdrawl and so it hurts you but once you get to the stage of indifference to him no longer being in your life, you'll see what I see ~ That he's NOT a good person to want to spend the rest of your life with. He's got issues and clearly your inability to get along with him and he you is something you wouldn't want another do-over for.

Cold turkey withdrawl. No stalking his social networking sites or allowing anyone to talk to you about what he's doing either. Pretend he's dead if it will help you get through the initial pain of having to rehab from him.

You'll be okay. In fact you'll be a hell of a lot better now that he's gone.

[brianaleshea]

I broke it off with him because I felt like it was the best thing to do. I packed up all of his things and moved him out. He came over to get them and called me a whore and told me I was a bitch. He said he was ready to be done. I love him more than words can explain. He left me with over $1,500 worth of bills. I'm paying all of them on my own while trying to maintain college. I just don't see how he's over me this fast. Even though I left him, I still long for him daily. He's who I want.

[solarion]

I broke it off with him because I felt like it was the best thing to do.

Why? What made you believe it was the best thing to do? How old is your ex? You met him when you were 17?

The woman he's with now, is a pill head, with a 16 year old boy, she has no job and he's having to pay all of her bills. She was 4 months behind on her car payment, and 3 months behind on her rent and my ex caught up All of her bills.

Also, how do you know so much about his current GF and their financial arrangements?

[tampitump]

I'm sorry, not to belittle your problem, but your entire post pretty much sums up why I believe relationships are so uttery.....stupid!

[brianaleshea]

[MENTION=81206]solarion[/MENTION], him and I both are 21. We've been together for 4 Years. Ive known him my whole life. He has wanted to be with me simce we were in middle school togegher, but i wouldnt give him the time of day due to being with someone else. But anyways, Him and i have lived at our own place for 2 years together. We have literally been through a lot together. From losing our son, that passed away to much more. He's literally my back bone. Him and I just argued so much. I figured with letting him go it would change things for the better, but it only hurt me much more. I feel like he is young and needed to explore his options to see what he really wanted. And obviously he found what he was looking for. I know about her finances because the woman he's with is his moms well was his moms friend. His mom cut her off after she found out they were "together"

[MENTION=80859]tampitump[/MENTION], sorry you feel that way. Guess this is what happens when you're going and dumb.

[basilandthyme]

All those fights broke the relationship. You ended it because the relationship wasn't working for you. He's probably relieved to be away from all the fighting and this is why he's been able to move on so easily.

Not all relationships end with sadness. If they were bad relationships, then being away from all the drama can provide an incredible sense of relief - and it's pretty easy to move on if this is the case.

Tell us about the fights. I'll lay money that we will read about them and reassure you that you did the right thing.

[brianaleshea]

Well, I would wash his clothes and fold them and he would leave them sitting around for weeks and weeks at a time without putting them up. Then I would cook him food and he would leave his dishes in the floor or on the table without even attempting to put them in the sink. That's the least he could have done. I kept our house clean on a daily and he would come home from work and stroll all his dirty clothes across the floor. Dirty Socks would be left in the sides of the couch shirts etc. I would pick up after him for awhile, but then I got tired of doing so I would say something to him about it and he would say all I was doing was. Bitching. Then when he would leave to go some where he never told me what he was doing but expected me to tell him. Just petty stuff. We argued a lot over stupid stuff that could have easily been avoided. I was just doing what I was supposed to be doing since he was working a lot. I made sure he had food when he got home...clean work clothes for the next day...and done anything he asked of me. He would even leave his dip spit bottles in the floor on the counters or where ever for me to have to clean. I got fed up fast. I wanted him to just respect me and all of the things I was doing for him, but when I would say something about it I was bitching at him. So that was our arguments.

[basilandthyme]

No, they weren't stupid fights and these issues aren't easily avoided. The only way of avoiding them would be if he changed or you changed - but it's clear that he didn't want to be responsible and you didn't want to accept him being lazy and neither of you had any intention of changing your position. In short, the two of you weren't at all compatible and you did the right thing by ending it.

At this moment, he's dumping all his clothes and plates and stuff around and is not caring one bit about the mess. And he's glad about not being bitched at. Meanwhile, you should thank your lucky stars that you no longer have to clean up all the crap he leaves around.

Next time you get a boyfriend, look at how he lives BEFORE you get serious with him. If his place is horrible don't expect him to magically change when he's with you. Instead, move on and find a guy who's not a slob.

[brianaleshea]

Thanks a lot, basilandthyme! I just love him so much. I truly do think that's he's the one for me. I just want him back! Despite everything we've been through, he's constantly on my mind.

[Wakeup]

Well, I would wash his clothes and fold them and he would leave them sitting around for weeks and weeks at a time without putting them up. Then I would cook him food and he would leave his dishes in the floor or on the table without even attempting to put them in the sink. That's the least he could have done. I kept our house clean on a daily and he would come home from work and stroll all his dirty clothes across the floor. Dirty Socks would be left in the sides of the couch shirts etc. I would pick up after him for awhile, but then I got tired of doing so I would say something to him about it and he would say all I was doing was. Bitching. Then when he would leave to go some where he never told me what he was doing but expected me to tell him. Just petty stuff. We argued a lot over stupid stuff that could have easily been avoided. I was just doing what I was supposed to be doing since he was working a lot. I made sure he had food when he got home...clean work clothes for the next day...and done anything he asked of me. He would even leave his dip spit bottles in the floor on the counters or where ever for me to have to clean. I got fed up fast. I wanted him to just respect me and all of the things I was doing for him, but when I would say something about it I was bitching at him. So that was our arguments.

What are you, his mother? Stop being such an enabler. If you keep being this person that acts like her bf's mother and cleans up after him then you are always going to be nurturing the lazy asshole in every BOY you get with.

... and for fk sakes, stop thinking that you "really think he was the one for me." You wanna be a little boy's mother. A mother-figure that he verbally abused?

Work on your self-esteem because you have none if you think a lazy, dirty, disrespectful, unresponsiblie, unmotivated twit that likely had stank on his hang-low to be "the one for me"

Do the mental work you need to do to quickly get to the blissful stage of indifference to this asshole. Zero contact and quit stalking or talking to whatever or whoever it is that is supplying you with info about him. Kindly tell them you do not want to hear it because you are doing all you can to STOP thinking about him.

[basilandthyme]

that likely had stank on his hang-low.

bahahaha. You just cracked me up

I have no idea what 'stank' is and I've never heard the term 'hang-low'. But this translates well regardless.

[brianaleshea]

Thanks wakeup! I totally agree. I just love him

[basilandthyme]

Given that you don't feel respected by him, why do you love him? How was your life improved by being with him? Serious question - list the reasons