My first relationship is getting insane, what's happening here?

[acuriousman]

Just had to end my first relationship and I have no clue what's going on. Went on for about 1.5 months.

I inform her that I'd like to talk at a local cafe and she agrees to meet. I tell her I'd like to break up and she asks me why.

She SPECIFICALLY asked me to be honest. Which I was going to be anyway, but just making that clear.

I told her that she was becoming boring and throughout the relationship there were a lot of things I grew to dislike about her. Her lack of attention in maintaining her hair, her constant talking about insipid things that had NOTHING to do with either of us, and how she would constantly order my food for me and get it wrong.

Those were the main reasons, but there were more. You get the idea.

Anyway, she LOSES HER DAMN MIND! Starts spouting off this nonsense and does it pubically. Very aggressively talking down to me and tells me that I'm wrong. She's making a spectacle and everybody is watching.

I immediately ran outside and left the cafe. I'd never seen anything like that in my ENTIRE LIFE. I grabbed a cab and blocked her from texting and calling me right there.

I'm terrified of what she'll do next. Her face was magma red and it was very disturbing. This is nothing like the break ups I've seen online or on TV, this was far from that.

When should the police get involved? Should I warn her first or just contact them now?

[solarion]

When should the police get involved? Should I warn her first or just contact them now?

Dood...seriously, get a grip. Unless there was a physical assault, there's zero reason to even consider police involvement at this juncture based on what you've written here. Give it time and let the girl calm down.

You hurt her feelings and she lashed out at you. Get used to it, most people do this, particularly when they're young. Anger is the emotion most readily displayed because it is oft used to mask more intimate/revealing responses to pain. Nobody likes to be told they're unacceptable or in some way undesirable.

Suggest you have zero contact with her.

Also as a suggestion going forward, when a woman, particularly a young woman, asks you to be honest...take it with a grain of salt. Be very tactful in what you choose to say and how you choose to say it when you hear those words. Just because someone says they want to hear your honest opinion, doesn't mean they're prepared to hear it.

[Wakeup]

Sounds like a case of "Do these pants make me look fat" syndrome.

[solarion]

...you betcha...SMACK! ;p

[basilandthyme]

Holy crap! Have you no idea of how to use tact? I'm not surprised she lashed out at you.

Totally agree with Solarion. When someone asks you to be honest, just give the basics and word it in the gentlest possible way.

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And for the record, this is why I've never been totally honest when breaking up.

[solarion]

In our hero's defense he DID say it was his first relationship. We are not born with awareness of these subtleties. I've learned a few trigger words/phrases over the years that never fail to get my attention and cause me to focus on what is said next.

"Honestly!" Leads me to conclude everything not preceded by this is something other than honest.
"Trust me!" If my trust is so important that you have to specifically insist upon it...then I pass.
"...but, ___" Whatever follows the word "but" tends to make whatever precedes the "but" irrelevant. "I really love you, but..."

[Wakeup]

Well, On the bright side, she now has some information that will (hopefully) prompt her to make some changes in herself.

Op: Can you elaborate on how you feel she lacked in "maintaining her hair?" I think the answer to this will tell us a lot more then what you've actually shared.

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.... Oh and hide your bunny until you're sure she's not going to go "Fatal Attraction" on your ass.







j/k