I found out the girl I've been flirting with has a boyfriend. I need advice!

[Pan]

I saw one of my old friends for the first time in four years this summer, and I was completely taken aback by how attractive she'd become. We hung out several times before I returned to the United States. During that time, I developed a pretty big crush on her.

Fast-forward about a month; I'm talking to her a few times a week via social media. At one point, I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she said she did. He's two years younger than her (the age gap between her and I is slightly bigger). She told me he suggested marriage but that she turned him down for now because her parents wouldn't approve. My family is close friends with her family, but so is her boyfriend's family.

She's called me "very handsome" more than once. Her parents want her to get married to someone in the US (like me) but also with ancestors in that country (also me). We share secrets with each other, have deep conversations, and casually tease each other all the time; every talk is fun.

Recently, she sent me the "kiss" emoji and called me the most warm-hearted guy she's ever met. On occasion, she even compares me to her boyfriend.

Does she like me, even though she has a boyfriend? I really do like her, and I would love to be in a relationship with her, but I don't want to encourage her to cheat; it wouldn't be fair to me nor the other man.

How should I approach this situation? Should I pull out? I know enough that I shouldn't pressure her to make any decisions.

P.S. Where I come from, it's considered rude to touch a married woman if you're not her husband. That would be terrible for me; she gives the best hugs.

[smackie9]

She already is cheating.....she is having an emotional affair with you. She still loves her BF, but he isn't giving her the attention she craves so she is using you for that. You are being played for a fool. You need to set it straight with her that you are willing to be with her BUT only if she ends her relationship with her BF, and until then, there will be no more flirting or communication of the sort. This will show her you have confidence and you are a man who will not be played around with.

Doing this will make you more attractive to her, she will desire you more, and will chase you knowing she will lose you.

- - - Updated - - -

I know enough that I shouldn't pressure her to make any decisions.

That is so beta male bull shit. You need to be alpha male and put your foot down, and take control.....show her who's boss.

[fearoflove]

You should ask her if she sees you two as a good match. She could be in an unhappy relationship and he is on the way out. Just tell her that you want a relationship with her and see what she says.

[Wakeup]

Has she even indicated to you that she is interested in you for more then the chat buddy that you've become? I think you are jumping the gun and I think its totally poor form for you to be pursuing someone when you know she has a boyfriend.

You have romantic feelings for her and that should be your cue to back off from your addiction to talking to her over the internet and help yourself to get to the stage of indifference to her. If she asks you why you are fading away, that is when you should tell her that you are developing a crush on her and since she has a boyfriend, that is inappropriate. That lets her know that you like her for more then just a friend and it shows her that you have good, decent boundaries in place and that you would never want her talking to another guy like she talks to you if you were her boyfriend. Its a good romantic boundary that shows you would make a good partner that has the values in place to remain loyal.

Tell her then if she ever breaks up with him, then she should contact you and if you are free then as well, you can pursue your attraction.

Anything less will reap bad karma on your ass.

Where I come from, it's considered rude to touch a married woman if you're not her husband. That would be terrible for me; she gives the best hugs.

What a boundary crossing twit you are showing us that you are.

Its considered rude to touch a married woman yet you touch, with intent, one that has a boyfriend?

How would you like it if someone was doing that to her with intent if she becomes your girlfriend?

[SuperHappyTime1]

Should I pull out?

Phrasing!

Does she like you? Yea, probably. Women dig the sensitive guy only when they can't have them, and in particular the ones who are already in a relationship with another man who isn't really as sensitive as they originally claim. Problem is, women don't actually want that guy. She bangs the hero because you're the guy who gets disemboweled early in the second act of a horror movie.

smackie9's advice is good, because you really have two options:
a) Be a man. Tell her you want her and can give her more than her boyfriend.
b) Disregard her and find another woman.
(In case you don't know, option b is the goto if option a completely backfires)

[johanna1]

I agree with Smackie9. She is already having an emotional affair with you. Some women just like the attention they can get from other encounters. That doesn't mean she will leave her boyfriend. Maybe she is a flirting type of gal who likes to flirt to get the attention needed. However, her day to day life is secured by her boyfriend. You two have a long distance relationship right now...she is not going to give up on her boyfriend to pursue something that may not work. I personally think that she just plays you to get attention. She knows she has a boyfriend...why flirting with you? This is already wrong...she probably knows what you feel for us...Women can sense when a man is interested and some women like to play the game like the cat and the mouse. Don't let yourself fooled!

[Pan]

What a boundary crossing twit you are showing us that you are.

Its considered rude to touch a married woman yet you touch, with intent, one that has a boyfriend?

How would you like it if someone was doing that to her with intent if she becomes your girlfriend?

I stated that I only recently found out she has a boyfriend, whereas the last time I saw her in person and "touched her with intent" was over a month ago. I wasn't aware at the time, nor did I bother ask, nor did she even bring it up.

[Wakeup]

I stated that I only recently found out she has a boyfriend, whereas the last time I saw her in person and "touched her with intent" was over a month ago. I wasn't aware at the time, nor did I bother ask, nor did she even bring it up.

What has any of your excuses have to do with NOW. As in NOW you know she has a boyfriend so yes... do "pull out" and get your own chick that is free to be held.

I ask again: How would YOU feel if she were your girlfriend and some guy that knew she had a boyfriend was carrying on with her like you are with her? Would you be happy that she has a guy that she flirts with and give the impression that she'd let her hug him?

Get on with finding someone who you can form a good relationship with based on solid ground and not some little chick who plays you like a fiddle. Once you stop all this, you'll soon get over your crush and you'll be open to finding someone single.

BTW: Considering what your culture dictates, don't you think it would be a good idea for you to find out if a girl has a boyfriend before you "touch with intent?" Wouldn't doing that keep you from allowing your emotions to get involved with chicks that like to play the game this one is playing on you?

[Lwalter]

She is using you as an emotional attachment because her bf gives her too little attention. You should give her an ultimatum. YOU or HIM.

[Pan]

Update: Thanks so much for the help everyone, but she left the other guy and I'm moving forward with it. Turns out it was an unhappy relationship and she dumped him after he hit her.

[Date2Relate]

She's enjoying the attention and while she may be interested in you on some level, chances are she's not going to take the chance. Keep talking to her. She's a friend. Just keep your options open. Second fiddles don't play so well.