I Don't Understand How He Feels?

[treehugger101]

My Boyfriend went through a lot while in his 6 year relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He keeps going on and on on how I don't understand because I never experienced what he dealt with and he is upset at me not being understanding, supportive, etc. But I am understanding and supportive. How can I understand what he went through so I can be more meeting to his needs and wants? Or is there no way to fully understand what he went through?

[smarta$$]

Are you sure he isn't just using his prior experiences as a way to make excuses for bad behavior? I don't have to put my hand in a raging fire to know that it hurts.

Everyone has skeletons in their closet. He needs to put them to rest before he's any good for a relationship. Maybe you should think about someone who has actually moved on from past hurts?

[solarion]

BF should have dumped his ex sooner if he wasn't happy with her. The fact that he didn't says something about the love that he accepts for himself. He doesn't get to use the cross he bore voluntarily in the past as a means of shaming you into silence/compliance now. You do not have a debt due to how his ex treated him. Understanding and compassion is fine and commendable, but that train ride ends when it's used as a tool of manipulation. Don't stand for it.

[treehugger101]

He was in love with her, they were engaged, everything they did together even through she put him through so much. So he couldn't leave her because he loved and cared about her so much.

[solarion]

IOW he was intent upon "fixing" her perceived flaws. We accept the love we feel we deserve.

[basilandthyme]

Why is he still thinking about his past relationship? He has no business being in a relationship until he can leave the past where it belongs.

[Lwalter]

You need to tell him that you want to sit down and talk about it. Let him open his heart. Tell him that you want to be able to understand his feeling more for the sake of your relationship. Talking is always good.
Good luck!