Hopeless!!

[boss_lady973]

I am on here writing about my boyfriend/father of my last 2 children. I have dealt with everything to his bm threatening me and my family to cheating for most of our relationship and so forth. We bought a house together last year and 2 months later, I found out I was pregnant again. He showed signs of possible cheating by going out all night, coming home 4am or later, not checking in on us, females texting and calling him and all of that. Since iv'e had our child in April, he has slowed down completely with going out but still goes to friends house after work or when he says he's going to do something, he goes there before making it home. Iv'e tried to be more understanding because he does work hard and pays the bills. I stay home with our 4 kids (he don't want me to work) drop 2 off at school, 1 at daycare and I stay home with the baby. I cook clean, take them to appointments, then go to school at nights, 4 nights a week so it's like my job is never done. By the time he gets home, i'll have dinner cooked and have washed the kids and are in process of putting them to bed so he don't have much to do, but I don't get that in return. I barely get sleep throughout the night because of our 1 yr old and 5 month old still wakes up and i'm the one that gets up with them. Tonight, I cleaned the kitchen and he says that he's going to take out the trash and go to the atm. That was around 5:20pm and it's now 8:49pm est and he texted me a few mins ago to let me know he's at his friends house. I'm pissed because it's Sunday and the kids need to get ready for the school week but he's out and about chilling with his friends. I cooked, fed the kids, gave baths and showers and now they are all in bed, before 8pm. I'm tired of feeling like the only one and doing so much to still be considered a girlfriend. We have kids together, we bought a house together, I don't see why it's taking him so long to propose to me. I'm fed up because if i'm going to take care of the kids by myself, then I need to be by myself. I'm tired of the back and forth and feel like he's only saying he wants to marry me to keep me quiet but feels deep down inside he never will. I don't have time to wait. If you know you want to then it shouldn't be a problem to pop the question. I fight myself everyday shacking up with him not being his wife. You can call me old school, i'm only 29. I am thinking about getting some money together and just leaving. But since i'm not working right now, I want to make sure I can get by before I make that move. Someone, please help me with some advice. Please let me know if i'm doing the right thing or am I just blowing it out of proportion. Females/males please, I need those from both sides to give me insight. I am at my breaking point!Thank you all in advance <3

[melancholia]

He's not going to propose to you any time soon, honey. Why haven't you thrown him out of the house yet and changed your locks?

[dontaskme]

Wait, just to be clear, you want to marry a guy whom you think has been cheating on you, doesn't do much at home, and whom you are contemplating on leaving because he is being a dick. Why?

[solarion]

Cuz meal ticket.

[Wakeup]

He's not going to propose to you any time soon, honey. Why haven't you thrown him out of the house yet and changed your locks?

Probably because, even though she's foolish for moving in and having a gazillion kids before he married her when its marriage she wants, she's probably not "stupid." She has no legal right to do such a thing.

OP: Go to a lawyer and ask him what your rights are to property, child support and alimony. If you know that you will be financially squared away so that you have the money to keep you and the children then perhaps you'll do something about leaving instead of just complaining.

You're giving him everything that a wife would give him and more while he takes advantage of you and ignores his children. Unless you change that fact up, He has no reason to marry you.

[melancholia]

You're giving him everything that a wife would give him and more while he takes advantage of you and ignores his children. Unless you change that fact up, He has no reason to marry you.

This is a much better explanation than mine and it's 100% true.

[basilandthyme]

Can't be for real

[boss_lady973]

I know I am. I don't know how to be just a girlfriend. We have kids together, and we live together. How do I take it down a notch to do girlfriend duties?

[solarion]

Are you serious? I shouldn't have posted in here for "men" to respond! For you to respond so negatively, you either have never been in this position, are single, or are putting someone through this now! I have supported him since we got together. I had the job and the car and helped him get around. And i'm whining because iv'e been cheated on and lied to more than I can count. Thanks but no thanks for you comment. Many woman have raised kids by themselves. It takes more than financial responsibilities to take care of your family. I'm the one trying to better myself and will be making more when I complete school. I'm thinking about everyone. I refuse to deal with this because he takes care of the household. I can find a job and do the same thing and keep my sanity! He don't want me to work. But i'm looking now and will do what I have to do for my kids!

You post in the "Ask a Male" section then throw a tantrum when a male responds and delete the thread. lol Might as well go back and edit out the request for "Female/male" responses from this OP as well since you're clearly not open to differing opinions.

If he's the anti-christ then why are you peeved that he hasn't asked you to marry him? ...and why are you trying to "take it down a notch" to be his gf now that you live together and have a couple kids with him? If he's lying unfaithful trash as you allege then why are you asking for sister only opinions? Just bail already and make everything dreamy.

[friendsfirst]

Well, I am also 29 years old. I've been in some super crappy relationships. I've dealt with crazy baby mama's and being cheated on. I've dealt with pretty much everything you listed in this post, except I only have 1 child by 1 man and have no desire for anymore. Guess what I did? I ran away. It took awhile. I realized that my child didn't deserve these terrible life choices I was making. I still screwed up life choices after I ran away from him, but at some point you have to want to get it together.

You say you are this independent woman who had everything before you got with him...and then what happened? You lost this independence because you got with him? Being a single mother to 4 kids wouldn't be fun, but isn't that practically what you are now? I don't understand why you are so anxious to marry this apparent scum bag.

As far as Sunday night when he didn't return, why didn't you just put the kids to bed and carry on? Why be pissed he was coming home late again, apparently this is normal routine. I don't see success in this relationship in your future. Not at all.

[Wakeup]

You post in the "Ask a Male" section then throw a tantrum when a male responds and delete the thread. lol Might as well go back and edit out the request for "Female/male" responses from this OP as well since you're clearly not open to differing opinions.

If he's the anti-christ then why are you peeved that he hasn't asked you to marry him? ...and why are you trying to "take it down a notch" to be his gf now that you live together and have a couple kids with him? If he's lying unfaithful trash as you allege then why are you asking for sister only opinions? Just bail already and make everything dreamy.

I think she deleted it because I told her to stop whining and asked her if her bf paid for her schooling too (as well as all the household expenses, child rearing costs, food etc) that she really was only looking after one child during the day because two were in school and one was in daycare and the only one she was caring for was the baby until school got out. Maybe it doesn't seem so bad when you count your blessings there, Op.

I also Suggested that maybe she ought to put her four night a week at school on hold until all the children were in school full time and she could go to school then, during the day and not be so haggard at night.

Now that I think about it, if she did that, maybe hubby would be less desiring to hang out anywhere but at home????? He still wouldn't likely up the proposal though since he really has no motivation when he's got it all right now.

You really should go to a lawyer though and find out what your and your children's rights are since I don't know where you live and don't know what the community property or family law is in your area... more importantly, neither do you.