Don't know what to do next

[Marshall.89]

Hello all. I have weird relationship and not to sure how to proceed or if I should even proceed with it.

I have been dating this girl for 7 months. Since the day we kissed we just hit it off and it all started here. Not to long before this she just broke up with her bf she lived with. We have now been dating for 7 months and we are still just "dating". we hangout almost everyday and I have gotten rather close to her family. I asked her if she wants to be my gf and she said no. She said she doesn't want a bf yet cause of her last relationship (this was 3 months ago I asked). Today I was thinking about everything and just had to ask her why she doesn't want the title. She said she's been in a relationship for the past 5 years and doesn't want to be in another one yet.

My question to myself is, do I wait or move on? I love her a lot and know I'll miss her but I don't want to "waste" my time if someone doesn't want to call me there bf after 7 months of dating. She will ocassionally tell people I am her bf just because we are together and doesn't want to look weird. I just don't get why she doesn't want to have the title after we do everything together for the past 7 months that a couple does. I don't want to give up and loose the person I really want but I don't want to continue and just get myself hurt more. What do I do?

[Wakeup]

Have you at least discussed exclusivity? Don't assume that you are the only one she is seeing. This day and age, that has to be discussed and agreed to by both people.

The title doesn't really matter if you're seeing each other regularly, you've met one another's friends and family and you're Exclusively dating. After 7 months you're going to be shredded if she stops seeing you whether she's calling herself your Girlfriend at the time or she's not.

Talk to her about exclusivity and relax about the title for now.

[Marshall.89]

Thanks for the reply. We talked about this when I asked why she doesn't want the title and she said it's not like I'm seeing anyone else I'm with you all the time I am only seeing you.

I have just never been in this type of situation normally it is me that doesn't want the title. The one time I really want it the other person doesn't it's throwing me off. She acts like my gf she gets jealous when people hit on me so I know she cares (getting jealous is a sign they care for you right?).

I don't know if I should just continue how our relationship is right now and not think bout it and let the title come with more time. Or slowly start pulling back and putting less effort in so I don't get hurt in the end.

[solarion]

If you're both exclusive, you trust her, and you like her then try to let it go. She probably has trust issues that she's trying to work through. I'd not chuck a working relationship because she claims she doesn't like to be called "GF". Unless you feel like your needs are not being met...then that's a different deal.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for the reply. We talked about this when I asked why she doesn't want the title and she said it's not like I'm seeing anyone else I'm with you all the time I am only seeing you.

That is not asking for and she agreeing to exclusivity. She may have not been seeing anyone but you when she said that but what about now or if some hot guy hits on her in a night out or something. Since you two are not exclusive and she's not your gf, then she (and you for that matter) are free to engage. You are not committed in anything but assumptions.

I have just never been in this type of situation normally it is me that doesn't want the title. The one time I really want it the other person doesn't it's throwing me off.

So what did you do when you didn't want the title and the other chicks did? Did you milk it for all it was worth? Did they break up with you? Did you break up with them?

She acts like my gf she gets jealous when people hit on me so I know she cares (getting jealous is a sign they care for you right?).

Well, it is definitely a sign of fear of losing something... whether that be she fears losing you or she fears losing control of the power in the relationship is unclear.
"The person who cares the least, holds the most power." (quoting someone from another forum)

I don't know if I should just continue how our relationship is right now and not think bout it and let the title come with more time. Or slowly start pulling back and putting less effort in so I don't get hurt in the end.

Only you would know the answer to that question. I'm sure if you have a decent set of personal boundaries in place you'll know when you need to revisit a gf/bf conversation and if she's still not willing to commit in a traditional manner at that time, you'll not hesitate to see that for what it is.

Good luck.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with the others. You should at least talk about exclusivity first. If she wants to be exclusive with you, but just does not want the title just yet, that is a whole different story. It is understandable if she's had some past history of being hurt in relationships that she may not want to jump right back into one. Sure, under normal circumstances, 7 months is long enough that you should be boyfriend and girlfriend. This may not be normal circumstances, though. So, if she does want to be with you and only you, then you may want to just accept it for now if you can. Trust me, I'd understand if you couldn't, but you can't and shouldn't force her to accept the title if she does not yet wish to do so.

That said, at some point she can't expect you to keep waiting around forever. If she NEVER shows any sign of wanting to progress the relationship, then that may be your sign to move on. There's really now set specific timeframe to give somebody. That would really be up to how long you'd feel okay waiting. To be honest, if you weren't comfortable waiting ANY longer at this point, that would be understandable. But, again, you should not force her. So, if and when you reach the point where you think it has just been long enough, if she's unwilling to change at that point, it may be best for both of you to just move on. Otherwise, in time she should hopefully heal from her past hurtful experiences and WANT to move forward with you anyway.

Good luck to you. I hope it works out for you.

[idorea]

please give her some more time.. i think she is still in the healing process.. she will get over it soon..