Live the Dream...or...? advice please!

[shantty587]

Hello, i would appreciate sincere thoughtful advice. I'm married 30+ yrs to a wonderful man but have always wanted a closer emotional, intimate connection. we are more like great buddies, roommates. my 'problem' is this: i have known another man for many yrs but have communicated mostly through email. we have been close friends, sharing a lot over many years but remained just friends (we live in different countries). saw him go thru 2 divorces. he has contacted me again and while i would love to see him, it brings it all back. i.e. do i start a new life with him, enjoy an incredible life (he is worth $40 million, seriously)...a life i could only dream of. do i Not do this and regret it for the rest of my life? he is 15 yrs older than me but age is not an issue. i have always thought of him and i know he still is crazy about me. why am i on the fence after all these years!?!

[Wakeup]

Have you ever met this man, seen for yourself that he is worth the bucks you say he is?

Has he ever asked you to be with him? Or are you simply assuming that he would want you?

Have you ever seen him on camera?

Are you a 13 year old boy typing on the computer in his parent's basement?



Anyway ... You have missed a lot of information in your tale.

[shantty587]

sorry, yes i Know him (for 25+ yrs) he is authentic, real deal. No i am not a little boy! seriously what should i do? my friend has wanted to be with me for so many years and i always backed off. now that i'm older not so sure...

[Wakeup]

What do you mean you "know him?" How do you know him? Through email exchanges? Through spending time with him fact to face? What?

You've been carrying on this emotional affair with him for how many years?

What should you do? You should start by explaining in what capacity you have gotten to know this man and why you only carry on through email?

[shantty587]

What do you mean you "know him?" How do you know him? Through email exchanges? Through spending time with him fact to face? What?

You've been carrying on this emotional affair with him for how many years?

What should you do? You should start by explaining in what capacity you have gotten to know this man and why you only carry on through email?

We worked together many years ago, our lives took different paths. suffice to say i know him well. Face to face, emails, short visits when he was in town. now at a crossroads (again) .. should i leap or not??

[friendsfirst]

It sounds as if emotionally, you have already become a bit intimate with this other man. Close your eyes and picture you life with your husband in 10, 20, 30 years from now. Is that what you want? Do you have children? Grandchildren? Is the romance just gone out of your marriage? I would think after over 30 years of marriage, you would try and spice things up before just bailing because the grass is looking greener on the other side...

[dontaskme]

What's stopping you from dating 40 million dollar man? Two divorces, hmmm... I wonder if the sex is worth $40 million as well

[shantty587]

thanks for the replies - his 2 divorces were perfectly understandable and justified so no malice thought there. he is a good man. for me, no children so pretty free in that regard. it is not sex that is keeping us in touch. it is the friendship, the emotional intimacy. certainly his wealth is a big factor in that we could share our last years together quite spectacularly. leaving my husband is what has me so torn. if only i could share a new life with my friend then come back to my husband. he would be there for me i know that. sounds selfish but i am not a mean, selfish person. yet i can't explain why this long distance friendship has gone on for so many years. it must mean something ....

[Wakeup]

We worked together many years ago, our lives took different paths. suffice to say i know him well. Face to face, emails, short visits when he was in town. now at a crossroads (again) .. should i leap or not??

Ask your husband if you should "leap or not."

You silly woman. You don't know this man except for clandestine moments stolen. He's been married more then once... why do you suppose he can't keep them around?

Smarten up, seriously! If you're going to leave your husband then just do it but for goodness sakes, don't do it to be with some guy you only know through this emotional affair. You have not spent enough real-life time with him but you do know him enough to know that he's horning in on a marriage which makes him a self-absorbed asshole and you also know that he is incapable of maintaining a marriage. Did you want to be his third divorce after you find him cheating on you (either emotionally or physically?) Pfffft.

[shantty587]

thx for your time.. however he is not a 'self absorbed asshole' from the beginning he has always said he respects the sanctity of marriage and told me 'i don't want to break up a good marriage' .. it is me on the fence emotionally. he has always waited for me to take the lead.

[Wakeup]

Uhm... WTF? He's still a self-absorbed asshole if he entertains your "lead." You're married. Where are your personal and relationship boundaries that should be in place to keep you true and loyal to your husband and the vows you promised to him?

[basilandthyme]

It's rubbish about him not wanting to break up your marriage. If he really respected your marriage, he'd have kept his feelings about you to himself.

[idorea]

Stay with your man!

[Lilly328]

Why is it he's divorce twice? You can't really know a person that well just through emails.

[Date2Relate]

Do you know this man in the real world? If not, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of threatening your marriage because of him. It's crucial that this is a real world friendship and not only something online. Red flags for me are "two divorces" and "worth $40 million". Is this information confirmed, or is it just talk to elicit your interest and sympathy. Remember - you can be anyone you want to be on the interwebs.