I was dating my ex for two and a half years. But for the past 6 or so months, I wasnt happy. And I fell out of love with him. So I broke up with him.
Ive been talking (not dating talking) to this guy since July. And we went on a "date" last Saturday. And it was great. I had a lot of fun, that I havent had in FOREVER. So Friday we went on another date. This date was more hands on. Hand holding and a lot of hugs. When he held my hand for the first time, my knees got weak, it was amazing. When he hugged me from behind, same thing happened. I was wondering if it was normal? I dont remember feeling this way about my ex. We want to take things slow and get to know eachother before we actually have an official title.
How do I take things slow? I love being around him, I smile when he texts me (which he does within 10 minutes. My ex used to take 3-6 hours to text back!), he always compliments me. I feel so weird that I feel this way about him. I didnt feel this way for my ex until 6 months into the relationship. If this makes sense. I also feel like Im comparing a lot of things hes doing to what my ex has done... Again, is that normal?
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Thread: Wow!
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05-10-15, 09:41 AM #1
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Wow!
♥
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05-10-15, 02:25 PM #2
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What you're feeling is called infatuation. Or limerance. It feels wonderful, doesn't it! It's a trick of hormones and adrenaline.
Taking things slow doesn't mean that you can't enjoy these wonderful feelings. Just make sure you recognise these feelings for what they are and don't confuse them for love. Sure, agree to be boyfriend and girlfriend and be monogamous with him - but don't make long term promises until the infatuation dies down and the actual love kicks in.
Thing is, this infatuation puts a pair of rose coloured glasses on us and prevents us from truly seeing the person we're dating in all their faulty glory. This stage will last about 6-8 months and after that, you'll gain more clarity. And when you've got clarity of who he is and still feel strongly, then we're talking love.
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Oh, and comparing to exes is really normal too. I remember meeting my husband and being wowed at how much fun my life was with him compared to the life I had with my ex. It's no different to comparing jobs or classes or anything else in life. Reflection is how we learn what suits us in life.Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, forgotten or undone. So, take it as a lesson learned and move on.
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05-10-15, 06:17 PM #3
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Don't try to take things slow, you'll just be giving signals of not being attracted.
Originally Posted by Aulo
Holding hands or kissing on a first date probably isn't too fast for a relationship. Accepting a Marriage Proposal or a full night of screwing when you're looking for a meaningful relationship is probably going too fast.
The trick is to know what is "going too fast" for yourself, and then slowing things down at that moment.Laissez les bons temps rouler!
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11-10-15, 05:30 AM #4
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Originally Posted by basilandthyme
Thank you so much! (:♥
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12-10-15, 07:42 AM #5
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How you feel is normal. Now you know what it's supposed to be like and how wrong it was with your ex. Feelings/emotions didn't really evolve with your ex because of the shi tty way he was treating you. I get trying to take things slow, but I don't agree taking things too slow. This could lead into him dragging his heels not making it official, so watch out for that. I would just suggest to "go with the flow" instead. let it happen organically. I know basilandthyme has wise words about the infatuation, I say yes l keep that in mind, but I say totally enjoy the shit out of it. Congratz!
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13-10-15, 07:14 AM #6
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Agreed with the others. This is a very exciting time in a relationship, and really.... That is how you SHOULD feel early in a relationship. So, I wouldn't necessarily recommend you make a specific effort to take it slow. I think more so just be sure you engage your intellectual side and don't go too fast. I know that kind of sounds like the same thing. LOL! It's really not, though.
Basically, allow yourself to enjoy this feeling. It really is a wonderful feeling. At the same time, though, engage your intellectual side and remember that this fella is just another human being. In time, the relationship may not work out.... or in time you may find that you were basically made for each other. You just never know.
What is equally important is to remember that this exciting feeling doesn't last forever. Eventually a relationship settles into normalcy..... BUT that isn't actually a BAD thing. That can be when the relationship grows stronger than ever. After all, by then you know each other warts and all and you still love each other. It is no longer just the excitement of a new relationship, you know that you both truly want to be together. Good luck to you. I hope you get to that point.
For now, don't worry about taking things slowly, just be sure you let your intellectual side be the co-pilot, if you get my meaning.
