Advice Please

[JaneJones28]

I need a little advice (although I think I know the answer).

So a guy I started speaking to not long ago, nothing more than friends initially, admits he is in an on/off relationship with someone else which has been going on sometime and doesn't want to lead me on at the minute but, that same day shows interest in me to the point where it leaves me confused. I like him, we get on well but the warning signs are there in the back of my mind.

Is he keeping his options open?

[Wakeup]

Just tell him to call you when he's completely done with his current FB. Better yet, just ghost on him.

Seriously... he's outright telling you in his actions that he's not opposed to taking what you're willing to give him so he continues to pursue but don't bother expecting anything other then to be his place-filler until he's back on with her.

Next him... It's what your gut is telling you to do hence why you started this thread.

[TheEvilJester]

Guys like that kinda irk me..... but I have to readily admit that, though I may not agree with it, there is nothing inherently wrong with what he is doing. As a matter of fact, I have really got to hand it to the guy. He deserves props for actually being honest with you. Instead of leading you on like a lot of guys would, he actually came out and was just straight with you. He told you the truth about his situation so you could actually be armed with the truth and decide whether you were okay with that or not. What WOULD be wrong is if he strung you along with no intention of being serious with you, but allowed you to have the impression he was serious. He's not doing that, though.

Is he keeping his options open? I obviously cannot say with 100% certainty since I am not him..... but, yeah, that would be my assumption. Again, at least he was decent enough a guy to be honest with you about it. So, the decision is really up to you. Are you fine with just being an option for him right now? If you are, please do yourself a favor and keep your options open as well. Please do not get your heart set on him. You never know if he may decide to go with his other "option" or even decide he enjoys stringing people along and never really commit to anybody. If you wound up meeting somebody else in that time and you and the new fella moved forward, well, that would be this other guy's loss.

On the other hand, if you are NOT okay with that kind of situation, I sure as heck couldn't blame you. In that case, please don't try to make yourself okay with the situation. He was nice enough to be honest with you, so just be honest with him if that is the case. Tell him you appreciate the time you've shared, but that you are not okay with just being somebody's option. No hard feelings, but under the circumstances you think it best you just move on. You wish him the best of luck.

So, I think it is basically down to whether you want something more committed (or at least with that as the obvious eventual goal) or if you are okay just being each other's option for now. Good luck to you either way.

[JaneJones28]

Thank You to both of you. I think I'm going to leave the door open but not hang around so to speak. I'd like to find a guy that I'm not just an option for and if all my attention is focused on him, I might miss the right one.

[TheEvilJester]

Good for you. I think that is probably the right decision. If you like this fella, then no harm in leaving the possibility open as long as it doesn't result in you holding yourself back from other options. In other words, if you are telling yourself that you are just keeping the door open to the possibility, but in reality you don't bother trying to date other guys because you are really hoping he will change his mind, then that is not good.

If you can leave the option open if he does happen to change his mind, but in your own mind just assume it isn't going to happen and move on to happily pursue other guys, then I think that is the best option. This way, you never know if fate may lead you two together..... but you don't wait around hoping it will.

Good luck to you. Some day you will find a great guy who makes you happy and who sees you not as an option, but as their one and only. Maybe that will wind up to be him, maybe it will wind up being somebody you've not yet even met. Who knows? Either way, I hope you find somebody very soon who makes you deliriously happy. :-D