Negative or positive boyfriend/influence?

[natashalove]

I have always come across toxic , destructive men who have destroyed my life and my personality in some way or another. I have a "type" (the guy must be tall, with a nice body, older than me and good looking) and the men who practically caused my downfall were exactly my "type". And surprisingly, I was dedicated to them like hell.

It was only after I lost a lot of things, including certain parts of my personality, I realized how toxic and harmful they were for me.
I lost all motivation, dedication, optimism, everything and was plunged into sadness and depression.

Now, I have known a guy who is not my "type" , though he's gorgeous in looks and has beautiful dark features, he has average height , is skinny and is younger than me by 1 year 5 months.

This guy has been a life saver for me. When I was at my worst, he was the only one I could turn to and he was the only one who could make me genuinely smile. His voice relaxed me and I felt much better whenever I saw his funny antics.

He is a complete nerd but is very caring, genuine and sweet. I gave up on my hobbies due to intense depression but he shares a lot of my hobbies and seeing him do all that, inspired me and after 3 years, I started doing artistic works again. I always want to better myself and learn some of his values. He can cook and I never had interest in cooking but I want to learn now.

He is so sweet and even though he is a little naughty , he still has a bit of innocence in him. He is kind, affectionate, soft spoken and so much less annoying. I feel like emulating a lot of his traits.

But as usual, it seems negative influences are always circulating around me and I keep getting horrid thoughts that i shouldn't be near him because of the shallow reasons. I find it funny how the toxic men had kept my full attention and silently lead to my ruin and I have issues in keeping up with a good guy who is helping me get back on track.

What should I do to beat this negativity? isn't this guy a good influence?

[solarion]

He certainly sounds like a good influence on you.

If you wish to beat the "negativity", then begin by recognizing that you're not a victim in all of this. These men are not controlling your life or "causing your downfall", you're doing what all people do. You're accepting the love you think you deserve. It just so happens that you believe you deserve someone that's destructive in your life. When you think you deserve better, you'll accept someone that treats you better into your life. Perhaps the fact that you're giving nerd guy the time of day and questioning your own shallowness is indicative of the fact that you're beginning to question your own value system.

[Wakeup]

I think your pattern of choices probably has something to do with bein dragged up instead of raised with good self-worth and motivation to do the best for yourself that you can.
You'd do well whether that's the case or not to get yourself into therapy or hiring of a life-coach that will help you to learn to love yourself to the point that, finally, you actually believe within that you deserve the love of the good man you've had the fortune to meet.

Do something before you self-sabotage somehow or you cheat on him because he's not causing you the drama that you've become addicted to all your life so you need to do something to fvck it up in order for you to feel alive.