I was dumped Three months ago, and I am still heartbroken

[dio9366]

It's been 3 months since my ex girlfriend and I broke up-or since she broke up with me, I should say—and I’m miserable. We all understand that breakups meant to be difficult and painful. They’re the inspiration for endless songs and movies. But as it turns out, heartbreak is a feeling you truly don’t know until it happens to you. We’ve heard that “love hurts,” but that’s just a romantic abstraction until you’ve actually spent weeks in your room suffering from insomnia.

We imagine that the worst days will be the earliest days, that we will feel progressively better with time. That’s unfortunately not the case. There are good days and bad days. There are moments of total normality followed by sudden, intense waves of sadness that literally weaken the knees. And maybe I’m old to be experiencing my first true heartbreak,I just didn’t think it could be this bad.

It now seems ridiculous, I relished the idea that I might be vaguely sociopathic, because at 28, I had yet to feel deep loss or sadness in connection to a romantic relationships. I’m desperately clinging to anyone who can identify with what I’m feeling. I’m a broken record. And while I appreciate my friends for being there for me, none of them has actually made me feel any better. Everyone essentially says the same thing: “ she's not worth it, It better than getting married with her and got divorced afterward .” It’s like: Thanks, guys. . . .

I tried to date couple of girls that I met online, all of them pale in comparison with my ex, either they are too self-centered who just like to talk about themselves, or a childish one who is emotional unstable. After I dumped them all, all I felt is emptiness and emptiness. Sometimes I sat at a bar by myself, I just can't stop crying after I heard a sad song. I resisted my urge to have any contact with my ex after my break up, but yesterday I saw she actually has a new boyfriend, realized I could never get back to her again, the guilt I had about hurting her in the pass came back to me like a wave, the insane sinking feeling is coming back at me again. I can barely form a cohesive thought, which means working is basically impossible to me again.

One of the things that’s surprised me most about this breakup: what I miss. I don’t so much miss the big, obvious things that one would assume would be the hardest to go without: sex, nights out at the movies. Instead, I obsessed over the smallest, like when we woke up together she said to me be sure to grab a breakfast, or after hang out, she asked me; be sure to miss me, I asked the same in return; she replied; I will always miss you! I missed her to came to my work to have lunch with me, regardless how little time we had to be on our way to work. I felt guilty about not wearing the yellow belt she gave it to me as a gift because I thought the color was ugly.

One of the hardest things to get over, for me, has been accepting the fact that the breakup was largely my fault. When we argued, I either walked away or said hurtful things I didn't mean. I suppose these are all pretty standard flaws, but during a breakup you can’t help but relive every mistake you made along the way and wonder whether, if you’d just done one tiny thing differently, it could have all worked out. When someone loves you—and especially when you have the upper hand in the relationship, as I did for most of it—it becomes far too easy to take that love for granted. I think I got to a delusional point where I thought I could make mistake after mistake and that she would never leave me, because, “Duh, it’s me.” Shockingly, this was not the case.

One of the hardest things about being dumped is realizing that the person who dumped you probably isn’t suffering as badly as you are. In fact, they might be happier without you, and worse, there might be someone better for them out in the world. That’s really what hurts the most: the prospect that they were right to move on, when for you, they felt like the one.​

[friendsfirst]

I truly sympathize with you. Heartbreak is terrible, and it will forever change you, most likely in a good way. Taking your partner for granted is disastrous in a relationship and eventually she realized she wasn't getting the love she deserved. She most likely didn't suffer as badly as you when the relationship ended, instead she suffered throughout the relationship with your ill treatment.

I suggest you find ways to improve you, and heal yourself before jumping into a relationship with anyone else. Heartbreak doesn't go away instantly. The little things are the routines you two shared, the sweet, endearing things. It's what everyone says, but that feeling won't last forever, and one day you will wake up and she won't be the first thing you think about in the morning. Be patient, find fun things to take up your time, particularly things you two didn't enjoy together.

Let this be a lesson learned. Eventually a woman will get tired of putting up with being taken for granted and ill treatment, and treat your next lady love with more respect, and show her you appreciate her.