One Year Later...

[mdot1682]

Hello all

I'm somewhat ashamed to write this but it would be nice to find some answers/opinions so I can help improve myself a little more after my ex-fiancé parted ways with me a little over a year ago and even though time has taken it's place and I've done so much to make myself better and dated a little, the pain still exists as we never really had any closure because she was so bitter towards me when everything ended.


Just a little bit of background though: It was a LOOOOOOONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP... 2 separate countries and I had papers filled out, money spent and was only 4 to 6 months in moving over to her respective country to marry her and start a new life. Clearly it took a lot of work and stress to get done and bad luck to come with it that lead to many arguments, mostly her overreacting and being selfish and disrespectful towards me causing me to overreact and take it to another level at times.

Towards the end, I did begin to notice a change and suspected she was going behind my back seeing someone new and I never wanted to say or question her about it because it would only make matters worse and to no surprise that's what it really was but she didn't confess this to me during the break up. Her exact words were "I don't want to get married, have kids and get a divorce because we do nothing but argue." So, like an idiot I begged and pleaded not to throw it away over something like that as things started to turn around and we were in the home stretch after doing this for 3 years but she finally came out and admitted she started seeing another guy and I'm sure he didn't just pop up within a 2 week period.

I immediately stopped trying to reason with her after that and gave it a month to mourn and do "guy things" and eventually I texted her again to make sure this is what she wanted to do before cancelling the fiancé visa but she decided to go in another direction. In the midst of all that, she became more and more cold asking me if I wanted to ring back in a harsh way and rubbed it all in my face how this new man was treating her and all that spiteful crap some women do.

So, after it was all said and done I mourned and did my best to move on but tried to save our friendship before I started seeing other women because I couldn't stop crying at times but every time I would reach out to her every now and then it was hopeless and finally got the strength to leave it alone. Eventually, I found a favorite girl to hang out with and out of no where my Ex wished me happy birthday and I was like "Finally, some progress...but I was wrong."

I gave it a month after my birthday to reach out to her again to try and save our friendship but once again she was being SPITEFUL. So, I made a promise to her and myself I was no longer going to contact her and anything between us on a friendship level would be up to her.

8 months had gone past and things got better with me and my new "FWB" situation and I still hadn't heard from my ex and I eventually deleted her out of my FB account because I was becoming closer to the new girl even though she moved to another state for job purposes and we vowed to stay friends, and I was also about to leave for a trip to EUROPE and I didn't want my ex see me out there having fun and didn't want her haggling me about my trip as I knew she probably would.

So to no surprise.... a month after returning from Europe, I get a message and it's her saying: "Hey, how are you doing? What have you been up to? I understand if you don't want to keep in touch..."

I didn't answer her in the beginning as I needed time to think over everything and of course mess with her head a little but the next day I just left her a quick message wishing her a good week and I would email her when I had time.

I let a few days go by to figure out which direction I wanted to go in... Do I finally let her know that we can't go on keeping in contact until you admit how wrong you were for how things were handled? Do I just play it off and answer her ? and act like everything is ok? Or do I just not say a thing.... Of course I chose option 2.

So I politely told her how everything has changed with traveling, working hard and making better money and just living my life and I commended her for going back to school which was one thing I noticed before taking her out of my FB page. Not once did I mention anything about her new man or anything about my date life and made the email to where she had to answer me back because it's clear what she has been doing... no need to ask right. I ended the email saying "I don't mind keeping in touch but as I told you a while back, I'm going to keep my promise and no longer reach out to you but you are more than welcome to say hello," and wished her a good summer. I do admit I was a little flirtatious during the email because it had been a while and it's nothing I haven't done before with any woman I've talked to friend or more and being she is the woman I chose and I was still officially single I wouldn't mind a possible reconciliation considering my dating life has been great (just haven't found the one lol)

So to no surprise, her being spiteful yet again (at least that's what I think), she decides to reply back and congratulated me on my progression and everything but out of no where she starts to talk about how school is challenging while being a step mom to her boyfriends daughter. And she ends it with "I know you're probably not interested in all that but my life revolves around the boyfriend and the little one mostly-don't know what else to talk about really."

As much as it stings... I couldn't help but laugh. But I did make a mistake and responded back "I kind of figured that and that's why I didn't ask but thank you for the update. Best wishes."

So, it's been 4 months and since then I'm still doing alright and moving on with my life but I just want to know.... what was the whole purpose of that. I mean it's clear she is done with me but my whole thing is... If you're that happy to the point where you saying your life "revolves" around someone... why the hell are you bugging me? It's like why is she trying to throw the dagger in even more? I never cheated.... I put in so much effort... I was going to leave my old life, family and friends to be with her and yet... she still can't and never has wished me well?

Some say when people do this they could still be in love or not as happy as they thought think they are... but I just would like some opinions. She was "officially" with this guy not even 2 months after our break up. All this out of an engagement.

Sorry to make this long but if you've made it this far thank you for reading and for those struggling with something similar to my experience... keep steady forward. It gets better in time.


OPINIONS AND COMMENTS PLEASE! Peace and Love.

[moving_target]

man my ex is with a dude I knew existed but never for a moment thought she would be with him. Hindsight being 20/20 I see things now but never in a million years did I think that would happen.

I'm just tryin to move on too, keep at it man

[mdot1682]

Thanks hommie... I have been doing just that but this single sh*t does get old lol. I'm having fun but I'm in my 30s.... don't wanna be that old man at the bar stalking the up and comers lol.