Okay Loveforum I Need Your Help

[Sammyhart]

There's this guy that I met like two months ago and I'll spare you extra details and just say that we started a fwb kind of deal. So, everything was fine the only things that we bothering me was the face that he only wanted to message me on snapchat and that when we were alone he would talk to me about any anything but in person he would either ignore me or when I said hello to him he would act ****ing weird about it. Also he would only message me at like 1am in the morning talking about "let's hangout".

Already, these things we bothering me but I just dealt with it because well, I was having fun and the sex was good.Flash forward to about a week ago and we're in the same room (we live in the same dorm) and as expected he ignores me again. This time however he messages me and says "come upstairs so we can cuddle." To me that pushed me over the edge because to say CUDDLE in my mind has a much more serious connotation. So I replied by telling him that while he thinks that he's funny he doesn't amuse me. He didn't answer until the next day with an eloquent "?" I told him that I didn't want to be his friend strictly at 2am and that I refused to have this conversation on snapchat. I thought he would ignore me but he ended up responding with and equally eloquent "okay" and I opened the message but never responded.

So now I see him around the dorm and I completely ignore him. I catch him staring at me often though and just to give an example, the other day we were in the elevator with a bunch of people and he was asking each person what floor they were going to but just pressed my floor so I know he acknowledges me.

Yesterday I almost broke and was about to ask him what his deal was so we could talk it out but I decided that I didn't want to break first. So do you guys think I'm just creating this in my head or am I right in my assumptions? What do you think I should do?

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I'll say this....

I don't personally think you are over-reacting, nor do I think you are creating problems where there are none. You are just friends with benefits, so unless you two actually decided to become more serious, I don't think you should expect him to be asking you to family holiday parties, having you hang out with his friends, etc.

HOWEVER,

I find it extremely rude that he flat out acts like you don't even exist around other people. Don't get me wrong. I could understand if maybe he doesn't want to be like "HEY EVERYBODY!!! This is my friend with benefits! We aren't really dating, but we do sex stuff!!!!" He doesn't have to introduce you as his FWB, he could just say "This is my friend, Sammyhart." To blatantly ignore you makes me personally wonder if he's truly just a giant immature child trapped in a man's body.

As far as him only ever reaching out to you for late night booty calls, I don't think you are wrong for not being okay with it.... However, given you are just FWB's, I also wouldn't necessarily say he is wrong for doing that. If you are only friends with benefits, and you are both well aware of that, then maybe that is just his interpretation of what that means. If you don't agree with that, you are perfectly free to discuss that with him. Maybe he'll be willing to compromise, maybe not. He's not wrong if that is all he wants, but nor are you wrong if you want more. What would be wrong on his part would be to string you along KNOWING you want more but knowing he will never provide it.

So, if you do want more, then maybe you talk to him about that. At this point, though, I guess what you should be doing is decide if you do want more with him, or if at this point you'd rather just move on and find that more with somebody else. If you might like more with him, then now would be the time to have a conversation about what you want, as well as a conversation about the things that are bothering you and why.

I would suggest you wait until you feel you can discuss with a level-head. As best you can, you don't want it to turn into an argument. The goal is it should just be an honest conversation between you two where you discuss what you both want and decide whether it matches enough for you to remain together. Honestly, you never do know. Maybe he is fine with your situation as it is, but that doesn't automatically mean he wouldn't also be fine taking things to a more serious level. You won't know unless you ask.

Good luck to you.

[foxtopus]

I would personally forget about him and move on. Not everyone can do FWB. Sounds like he was more interested in a "booty call". Not sure if there is a difference, but to me, FWB means you are actually friends. With benefits. Sounds like he wasn't being a friend at all. A booty call is someone you just call when you want some booty. If a guy I wasn't involved in a relationship with texted me and said "come over, lets cuddle" it's kind of like "Netflix and chill"... he wants/expects to get laid. You guys are in college, that's a pretty common thing. If you want a real friend with benefits, then make some more friends (ideally not living in your dorm) and see if any of those friends would be a good candidate for a FWB situation. Or maybe start dating some? Assuming if you were sleeping with him then you aren't currently dating?

[melancholia]

There's this guy that I met like two months ago and I'll spare you extra details and just say that we started a fwb kind of deal. So, everything was fine the only things that we bothering me was the face that he only wanted to message me on snapchat and that when we were alone he would talk to me about any anything but in person he would either ignore me or when I said hello to him he would act ****ing weird about it. Also he would only message me at like 1am in the morning talking about "let's hangout".

Already, these things we bothering me but I just dealt with it because well, I was having fun and the sex was good.Flash forward to about a week ago and we're in the same room (we live in the same dorm) and as expected he ignores me again. This time however he messages me and says "come upstairs so we can cuddle." To me that pushed me over the edge because to say CUDDLE in my mind has a much more serious connotation. So I replied by telling him that while he thinks that he's funny he doesn't amuse me. He didn't answer until the next day with an eloquent "?" I told him that I didn't want to be his friend strictly at 2am and that I refused to have this conversation on snapchat. I thought he would ignore me but he ended up responding with and equally eloquent "okay" and I opened the message but never responded.

So now I see him around the dorm and I completely ignore him. I catch him staring at me often though and just to give an example, the other day we were in the elevator with a bunch of people and he was asking each person what floor they were going to but just pressed my floor so I know he acknowledges me.

Yesterday I almost broke and was about to ask him what his deal was so we could talk it out but I decided that I didn't want to break first. So do you guys think I'm just creating this in my head or am I right in my assumptions? What do you think I should do?

I think you deserve better than to be someone's booty call. Clearly you want more than that, and this guy isn't capable of giving you more. I say stick to your guns and cut your losses. You shouldn't be made to feel like a fool when clearly he is the one missing out on someone great.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I have to admit to not fully understanding the whole "friends with benefits" thing myself. No judgment, I'm just saying the entire concept is just alien to me because I would personally rather not have "benefits" with anybody without an actual relationship being involved.

That said, it works for some people, so more power to them. To each his/her own. From Sammyhart's original post, she says they entered into a friends with benefits type agreement. That, to me, implies consent on both parts. So, if that is the case, I wouldn't necessarily say he's done anything wrong as far as just wanting an occasional booty call. Though, again, maybe I just don't properly understand the point of an FWB arrangement.

However, his other interactions with you outside of the "relationship" seriously make me wonder whether this guy has any social skills at all. It's called "friends with benefits" not "strangers with benefits," but it is as though he acts like he doesn't even know you unless it is for his late night booty calls. Again, unless I misunderstand, you signed on for that at first, so it doesn't make him wrong..... However it also doesn't make you wrong if that is no longer enough for you.

Like the others, I too would lean towards saying you just break it off and forget him. Though, maybe you'd rather see if there is a chance for something more serious between you two. That is up to you, and far be it for me to tell you to break it off completely if you think there could be that chance. You have to do what you think is right. Still, if the FWB situation doesn't work for you anymore, then stick up for your own rights. If he doesn't want anything more than that, that is fine for him, but he'll have to find another booty call.