Older married lover help

[astongirl]

Hi. We have all heard the classic woman and older married man affair but this isn't that. I have met a man who is 20 years my senior. There was an instant attraction between us and I knew he was married straight away as we were in a group. I have been treated badly in the past, but have overcome things and have been happily and contentedly single for a few years. I would have happily stayed this way had I not met this man.
He, while he lives with his wife, works away all week. He started off to say they have separate rooms etc etc and that she is seeing someone else. He has caught her before but hasn't had the courage to leave and so this time its no surprise to him but he's unsure of what to do. He says he wants to leave her but (excuses) he has to finish the house, a number of reasons. They haven't slept together or had sex since he last caught her 15 years ago he claims.
None of the leaving her etc has been driven by me. I haven't asked or suggested that he leave, in fact I have been in a panic about it wondering if I even want that. He says he loves me, and cant reassure me enough that he wants me and loves me. I have told him I don't love him, and whilst he is still officially married I refuse to as I'm sure heartache will ensue. He says he thought that being married to her was his lot and that he just had to accept it and get on with life.
We have the most wonderful sex, but its me dragging him to bed and not the other way round. he definitely isn't just in this for the sex. Hes just as happy to go out.
I am thinking that I should end this before I do get emotionally involved, but I think in some ways I would miss him

[antenna]

His wife's cheating and their sad marriage is not justification for getting involved with a married man. You take responsibility for your own actions.

[melancholia]

Hi. We have all heard the classic woman and older married man affair but this isn't that. I have met a man who is 20 years my senior. There was an instant attraction between us and I knew he was married straight away as we were in a group. I have been treated badly in the past, but have overcome things and have been happily and contentedly single for a few years. I would have happily stayed this way had I not met this man.
He, while he lives with his wife, works away all week. He started off to say they have separate rooms etc etc and that she is seeing someone else. He has caught her before but hasn't had the courage to leave and so this time its no surprise to him but he's unsure of what to do. He says he wants to leave her but (excuses) he has to finish the house, a number of reasons. They haven't slept together or had sex since he last caught her 15 years ago he claims.
None of the leaving her etc has been driven by me. I haven't asked or suggested that he leave, in fact I have been in a panic about it wondering if I even want that. He says he loves me, and cant reassure me enough that he wants me and loves me. I have told him I don't love him, and whilst he is still officially married I refuse to as I'm sure heartache will ensue. He says he thought that being married to her was his lot and that he just had to accept it and get on with life.
We have the most wonderful sex, but its me dragging him to bed and not the other way round. he definitely isn't just in this for the sex. Hes just as happy to go out.

You do realize all your information about his wife and marriage is coming from a man who is actively cheating on his spouse, right? The fact of the matter is that he is married. And from the sounds of it, he has not established an open marriage with his wife. What is it about people who choose to get involved with married men? I understand that cheating is not black and white, and I definitely feel the onus should be put directly on the person who is married, and not the mistress; however, why would you choose to enter into a relationship with someone who isn't even considering leaving his wife? All he does is give you excuses as to why he hasn't, from what it seems, he hasn't given you any reasons as to why or when he will leave her. It is so obvious this he wants to have his cake and eat it, too, and you are allowing him to get away with that.

I am thinking that I should end this before I do get emotionally involved, but I think in some ways I would miss him

If you have any self respect whatsoever, you will follow your own advice and leave him.