is this abuse and do people change?

[antenna]

This is the most passionate & loving relationship I've ever experienced. He can be so sweet to me, we are so similar, I feel like I can truly be myself around him. It feels like I really have something special with him.

But he has frightening tempers, he breaks things, punches holes in walls, he's attempted suicide in front of me twice, and threatened it even more times. He can be controlling, reading my text messages, interrogating me if I talk to other guys, I have to invite him to everything and most times he breaks down before them so we don't end up going anyway. For most of this past year I haven't hung out with anyone aside from him. We argue often and when we do he can be very hurtful, calling me a sociopath, narcissistic and selfish.

He visited my family recently. He had a lot of mood swings, argued with and swore at my parents, complained they were attacking and disrespecting him. My parents didn't like him. I tried to defend him but I am beginning to see their point, especially after I confided in 2 friends who both agreed I should get away. He says they just don't know him like I do.

My parents made me stay with them in a different country so that I would not get back with him. I told them we broke up. I lied. We are still together, and I promised him that when I come back we'll try the relationship again.

Is it worth trying again?

He says he's going to therapy and this time will be different.


Sorry for the long post. Thanks to anyone who made it this far.

[Wakeup]

Stay where you are and stop talking to him altogether. ZERO contact, ignore anything he sends you and while you're there, get the therapy YOU NEED to know personally, without having to ask strangers on the internet, when its a good time not to return to someone who abuses you.

Anyone with good self-worth would have left this twat the first time he abused them.

Listen to your parents and take my advice. Get yourself the therapy you need and stay away from the sick fvck.

[melancholia]

Answer to question [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] , Is this abuse?: YES.

Answer to question [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2]#2[/URL] , Do people change?: They can. But he won't. He has never had to learn how to handle his emotions, especially within a relationship. Your parents are right to keep you from him, and I sincerely hope you find the strength to cut all ties with this man. It is not a healthy relationship and if you do enter therapy (which I highly recommend you should do), it will help you see the scope of the situation with a clearer perspective than the one you have now. I've been in an abusive relationship and I understand how your love for him and the fear of being alone can overshadow your better judgment. Get OUT of this relationship immediately, for your own safety, before he hurts you - because he absolutely will, even more than he already has.

[antenna]

Thank you for the advice. I will stay here for the time being and see if I can find some therapy (if there's any free or cheap) to talk about it in more detail.

I've been in an abusive relationship and I understand how your love for him and the fear of being alone can overshadow your better judgment.

I'm sorry to hear you've been through it too. How did you manage to leave your relationship? I tried breaking up 3 times now but hes really good with words so I usually end up being sucked back in with promises and love. one time I've been firmer about my decision but he stopped eating and he was constantly calling me, calling my dad, and his parents even got involved - messaging and getting mad at me for breaking up with him.

[Eaglecam]

Hi,
It's definitely abuse. Yes he could change, but he has to get a therapy and you also have to be convinced of this. I don't however believe that people can change in a day; it's a process.

I once dated a guy who was so abusive. I did everything to save our relationship, proposed him to go for counseling but he refused. I had no choice than to put an end to our relationship. Nobody can love you more than yourself. This is the guy who has tried to commit suicide, has no respect for your parents, etc. It isn't a healthy relationship because he would end up hurting you. Breaking-up is not always easy but there are moments we really have to stand-up for the right cause.

I wish you a lot of courage.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for the advice. I will stay here for the time being and see if I can find some therapy (if there's any free or cheap) to talk about it in more detail.

Contact an abused woman's hotline. They should be able to direct you to a therapist and other resources that will help you to break the cycle of abuse so that you don't choose someone like him ever again.

Here's a link that might help you:

[url=http://www.domesticviolenceinfo.ca/article/abusive-and-nonabusive-man-194.asp]Stop Violence Against Women - Abusive & Non-abusive Man[/url]

[url=http://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/abuse.htm]Abuse - Helpguide.org[/url]

Good luck. Don't take anymore of his calls or attempts at contact and if his parents contact you again, ignore them too. The last thing you need is their manipulation to add to the abuse you've suffered at the hands of their son. They need just as much help as he does if they think enabling him is helping him. It certainly IS NOT.

[nheeya]

That's a very scary personality. You don't deserve someone like that. You will meet the right one in time.

[forever]

I think you should simply quit that relationship cos those qualities ou mentioned of him are really not healthy in a relationship and his actions as the relationship gets older might not bring you the happiness you're seeking. Follow the advice of your parents in your best interest. If you find yourself or know anyone who's in an abusive relationship you can talk to [email]merujhaspell@yahoo.com[/email] or text 872-666-1792 for spiritual guidance and help. Bad temper( uncontrolled anger) often leads to domestic violence.