why does a man ghost after a break up?

[lostlars]

Ill save you all the pain of the long story but basically how can my boyfriend forget me so easily? We were together for 2 years, he said he loved me, he wanted to move in together and get married everything. Broke up with me in August over a god damn text message and not a peep since. Its been 4 months. Did he never care about me? How could someone to that to someone they do care about. Why couldnt he show me some respect and do it in person. I have no closure and I never will and its still making me miserable 4 months later. WHY MEN WHY?? He must not miss me or surely he would have reached out by now...I have not contacted him either but since I am the dumpee its his move right?

[Wakeup]

Not contacting you is the kindest thing he could do for you. The problem is that you think you should get closure from him when the fact is, you get closure from within when you accept that its over and that the asshole that left you wasn't even man enough to tell you to your face that he was ending it.

You will start to feel better once you ACCEPT that the relationship is over, that YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR from someone that would do what he did and you get your fine self away from the pity party you are throwing yourself and you sashay out into the world knowing that there is a better LIFEmate out there for you then Mr. Coward.

You'll be fine... just start the mental process of shedding yourself of him.

[lostlars]

thank you so much for your response and input. Yes I agree with you for the most part. The part I am having a hard time with is trying to learn from this. I feel like if he would have just had an adult conversation with me, which yes I would have cried, and yes that hour may have sucked for him but after what I gave him for two years I wasnt worth that? How do I know I am not going to make the exact same mistakes in my next relationship when I have no clue what I did wrong to learn from it and improve. I am sick of failed relationships...Im 33 and this is like a continued pattern. Anything he could have said would have hurt, but it also could have taught me something valuable and how to make myself a better person and partner. I want to find a life partner and someone that doesnt give up or at least communicates when something is off. This caught me so off guard all I can think is that he met someone else... but the silence is unbearable. I have been strong so far, but I feel like I am returning to this forum because I feel so close to contacting him that I need a distraction and somewhere to vent. I mean there is a 99% chance if I contact him he wont respond, if he wanted to get in touch with me he would have done so already. I feel like I never really let myself be sad and mourn his loss because I was so mad at how he did it...but now as the anger is lightening the hurt is becoming more and more.....

[SuperHappyTime1]

The part I am having a hard time with is trying to learn from this. I feel like if he would have just had an adult conversation with me, which yes I would have cried, and yes that hour may have sucked for him but after what I gave him for two years I wasnt worth that? How do I know I am not going to make the exact same mistakes in my next relationship when I have no clue what I did wrong to learn from it and improve. I am sick of failed relationships...Im 33 and this is like a continued pattern. Anything he could have said would have hurt, but it also could have taught me something valuable and how to make myself a better person and partner. I want to find a life partner and someone that doesnt give up or at least communicates when something is off. This caught me so off guard all I can think is that he met someone else... but the silence is unbearable. I have been strong so far, but I feel like I am returning to this forum because I feel so close to contacting him that I need a distraction and somewhere to vent. I mean there is a 99% chance if I contact him he wont respond, if he wanted to get in touch with me he would have done so already. I feel like I never really let myself be sad and mourn his loss because I was so mad at how he did it...but now as the anger is lightening the hurt is becoming more and more.....

Please vent. The more information you can provide us the better. Even if it's biased to make you out to be holier than Teresa and him to be the next greatest evil since Beelzebub. We can pick out why your poor relationship pattern continues.

[Wakeup]

thank you so much for your response and input. Yes I agree with you for the most part. The part I am having a hard time with is trying to learn from this. I feel like if he would have just had an adult conversation with me, which yes I would have cried, and yes that hour may have sucked for him but after what I gave him for two years I wasnt worth that? How do I know I am not going to make the exact same mistakes in my next relationship when I have no clue what I did wrong to learn from it and improve. I am sick of failed relationships...Im 33 and this is like a continued pattern. Anything he could have said would have hurt, but it also could have taught me something valuable and how to make myself a better person and partner. I want to find a life partner and someone that doesnt give up or at least communicates when something is off. This caught me so off guard all I can think is that he met someone else... but the silence is unbearable. I have been strong so far, but I feel like I am returning to this forum because I feel so close to contacting him that I need a distraction and somewhere to vent. I mean there is a 99% chance if I contact him he wont respond, if he wanted to get in touch with me he would have done so already. I feel like I never really let myself be sad and mourn his loss because I was so mad at how he did it...but now as the anger is lightening the hurt is becoming more and more.....

How did you meet him?
During your two years together, did he introduce you to his family and friends?

[lostlars]

We met online. Talked for two whole months between text and email before we ever met up in person. Right when we started to talk I stopped talking to everyone else on that sight. We just really really clicked and we both said when we met how giddy we would get when we saw a text from the other lol. I met all his friends and most his family. By most of his family I mean I met his brothers and his father. His sister and mother were in Dubai for most all the time we dated. He asked me 3-4 times to meet his daughter but I never actually did. I also never met his ex being the daughters mom...

[Wakeup]

You do know that many men from that part of the world think its okay to have mistresses as long as they marry someone from their own, right? Its just a guess but perhaps he has another life that he failed to disclose to you.

Just how "together" were you two in these past "two years?"
Have you seen him back on the site you met him on?

Anyway, it doesn't really matter one way or the other. The bottom line is that he has ended it and that is your closure. It's up to you now to do the mental work you need to do to ACCEPT that fact. Once you accept, then you will be on your way to getting over him, through the disappointment, on your way to being open in heart and mind to meet someone new.

He must not miss me or surely he would have reached out by now.

Indeed! I'm sorry you are hurting. Please do your best to stop being a victim and instead be over him and his bullshit words to you.

[Jbutterfly]

I am not a man, but I am in the same position! I tried to PM you on here but it says I need to make 15 posts first.. I wanted to let you know if you want someone to talk to then I'm someone who can relate to what you're going through, and I'm completely willing to listen. It really sucks to feel so unfairly alone through this kind of thing. Would you be able to PM me, or any other way I can contact you?

-Julia