I broke no contact last night and asked her this...

[pepsi55]

Well i had a drink last night and i broke my no contact after 4 days i wish i aint but did.

I asked her if she still loved me?

And she sent this back this morning exact words...

I love you as my best mate. I have strong feelings 4 you but it aint summat i want,you mean to much to me to loose you all together,and us been together and knowin we aint going to work is going to ruin out friendship!

What do i send back to that what are your thought on this?

I need 2 know it doing my head in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TAVS]

Nothing!!!! Why do you ask us for advice and then not follow it??? You do not need to reply. Did she ask a question? No!!! Drop it, move on, listen to our advice.

[cheazypeaz]

tavs, he loves the girl.. i dont blame him , its hard not to.. but well i wouldn't reply anything to that, to be honest i'd just leave it.. shes made her point quite clear.

[RuntimeError]

Pepsi, I have compassion for you. I have been there. Think of it like this you are in a boxing match and every time you make contact with her, it is like you get punched square on the chin and are knocked down. What you have to do now is just get back up and don't do it again, eventually you will get it. So what do you do now. Just STOP everything. No more contact. Don't make contact again, ...however if you do, just get back up. I am sure somewhere in the back of your head you know it is wrong, this is not the way people gain a healthy relationship.......Oh yeah and don't over analyze what she said that is a bunch of bulls$$$ basicly she said no she dosen't want to be your girlfriend. Now you know for the second time. Just walk away or you will keep hurting your self. Good Luck.

[pepsi55]

Pepsi, I have compassion for you. I have been there. Think of it like this you are in a boxing match and every time you make contact with her, it is like you get punched square on the chin and are knocked down. What you have to do now is just get back up and don't do it again, eventually you will get it. So what do you do now. Just STOP everything. No more contact. Don't make contact again, ...however if you do, just get back up. I am sure somewhere in the back of your head you know it is wrong, this is not the way people gain a healthy relationship.......Oh yeah and don't over analyze what she said that is a bunch of bulls$$$ basicly she said no she dosen't want to be your girlfriend. Now you know for the second time. Just walk away or you will keep hurting your self. Good Luck.

Suppose your right its just hard letting go but 2 of my closest mates one her best mate lol (who i have know longer than her and my ex met through me) said you deserve better so i need to keep thinking that i guess..

[pepsi55]

tavs, he loves the girl.. i dont blame him , its hard not to.. but well i wouldn't reply anything to that, to be honest i'd just leave it.. shes made her point quite clear.

yup its hard.

[cheazypeaz]

dont say anything for a few weeks, and dont expect anything to be said back, then you should consider your feelings for her again, and decide if you are going to contact her or forget about it. thats what im going to do

[mini696]

She has given you a cop-out excuse to make her feel better about rejecting you. If she wants to be your friend she will contact you.

Once a relationship has been broken off, it is too late to tell her you love her, and tell her you will change. Its too late to ask her what you did wrong, and buy her flowers. She would have been thinking about breaking up for at least a week, she doesn't want you to change her mind again.

At the moment you are showing her you are desperate, and she will use that to her advantage - Its what women (and men) do - You need to realise that she may want to be friends, but if thats not what you want then you are only setting yourself up for more heartbreak by trying to act nice in front of her.

The idea of no contact is so she can have time to herself, and think about life without you, so she can cry and feel bad for loosing you, so she has time to think without you constantly pissing her off by sending her messages.

What sort of person sends a message to say I love you anyway??

Now for a breakdown of her message.

I love you as my best mate.

I dont love you.

I have strong feelings 4 you but it aint summat i want,

I dont love you, but I want to say this nicely so I feel better about myself.

you mean to much to me to loose you all together,

I dont love you, but I like to feel loved and like to have men dote over me. It gives me an ego boost, to know I have power over you.

and us been together and knowin we aint going to work is going to ruin out friendship!

I dont love you, you make me feel uncomfortable when we are together because I know how you feel about me. I want to have friends and seem like a nice person, so even though I dont love you, I still need you to love me. I have already made up my mind that if we are together we wont work out.


Mick

[RuntimeError]

I hate say it but I believe Mick hit it on the nose. Non of this I need time BS if she wanted you she would be with you point blank, done no questions asked. However if she dosen't she will try to be nice, give you hope and a whole lot of BS to keep you around so she can feel great about her self.

[cheazypeaz]

but in my situation, when we break up then she sends a message saying we can try again in the future, it feels like they are calling the shots.. i aint going back without a fight.. its not worth it to me any more.

[mini696]

but in my situation, when we break up then she sends a message saying we can try again in the future, it feels like they are calling the shots.. i aint going back without a fight.. its not worth it to me any more.

She's leading you on and trying to own you. Dont give her the satisfaction and allow her to call the shots, if she says "I think we should try again", tell her you'll have to think about it. She'll have you whipped otherwise.

Mick

[Junsui]

I have to agree with Mick. You have to back off and not annoy her with messages.

And the girl saying we can try again in the future, sounds like she's just trying to give you some hope so you'll stay interested or she's afraid to hurt your feelings and just telling you what she thinks you want to hear.

[TAVS]

I know it's hard guys, but you're not doing yourself a favor. I was given the same advice two months ago and didn't follow it to the letter. Guess what? I lost my girl, she's gone.

[Chlorine]

mini696----Your breakdown of the message, section by section, was like a flashing neon billboard in the middle of a blackout. I think it should go into this forum's golden book of "decoding what your loved one really means" or something to the equivalent.

Now if only all the broken-hearted had the guts to be honest, truely honest, with themselves....they'de see the truth of the matter - HE/SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE.

Thanks Mini. I think I'll go kill myself now.

[Tone]

I agree with Mick 100%, nice breakdown dude, it's the truth 100% too. And most girls don't really mean to be evil like that... it's not like they sit there and say "Let me keep him here for my own benefit and string him along so he can hurt more but so I can feel better" - I think it's more of a subconcious thing, where they panic at the thought of you being out of their life, so they tell you shit like that, but at the same time they also do not want to be with you again, so they say just enough to give you hope, when reality - there is none.

Take it from people like us, we know because we've experienced it. Like TAVS I also choose not to follow NC, but I didn't even know what NC was, and wish I had found LF during my breakup, what a help that would have been... =/

Learn from our mistakes.