Should I tell my ex that I am still in love with him?

[azalia]

Hi everyone!

I am 31 from Dubai and I am new on this site, I have come here as I have a problem and dont really want to involve the friends in my life. Your honest and mature advice will be highly appreciated.

So here goes,

My ex boyfriend and I broke up almost 3 years ago. During these 3 years he has maintained some kind of contact with me even if it is every few months. We ended on fairly bad terms and it kinda just dissolved into a strange friendship (if that is even possible). I have been struggling with my feelings for him ever since, they won't go away. It is as strong as they were 3 years ago if not stronger as I have grown and matured so much during this time. We still see each other every once in a while to catch up and yes we sometimes sleep together (horrible choice i know), we are both still single. We have reached a point where we don't really talk about what happened and that has been ok with me because I am scared I'd break down opening old wounds. We just appreciate the time we are together and do the same things we did when we were together...talk all night, listen to music together, just normal things minus the lovey dovey talk. We even mentioned to each other that we have been with another person. So it seems like a normal friendship right. So, this year was a fairly good one, I have managed slightly handle my feelings for him as I didn't hear from him for about 6 months. He contacted me needing advice on a career decision. I knew he doesn't really have close friends and I have always been his go to person for serious things so I offered advice. Thats when we saw each other a few weeks ago and we again stayed up all night enjoying each other's company. The strange thing is is that he keeps talking about the past, our past relationship, he started playing all of our songs and talking about things that we have both locked away. He spoke about things as though he has finally healed from them though. I didn't know how to handle this so I just let him speak most of the time, trying to keep cool etc, didn't want to make the evening weird and awkward but being emotional. Anyway, the next weekend we didn't see each other but he kept sending me old pictures of us and archive conversations we had. I just responded in a polite way with a "lol, i remember that" those kinda responses. After that he went cold and I never heard much from him in 2 weeks. At this point I am still trying to figure out what his deal is, and protecting my feelings at the same time. When i sent him a text to ask how is he doing he's response was very cold and closed. At this point I haven't shown him any signs I am still in love with him and have not being intense in anyway, I was kinda just being a friend to him, seems like he needed it. In the meantime I was hurting like hell, because I am so much in love with him and now I have to pretend to have this platonic friendship, not realizing that I am asking a lot of myself and I may not be ready. I thought I could ignore my feelings and be a friend he needed because I love him that much and care about him like family. So I am wondering if he is in a good place that he can now look back and talk about our relationship, meaning he must be over me, or is it indirectly trying to let me know that he still loves me. Most importantly, ever since he reconnected I have been feeling down again, with him back in life kinda and reminding me we are over..and knowing that we are nothing more...its selfish but its natural. It is hard being friends with someone you're in love with, I have finally learnt that to be true no matter how mature you are, the heart will never be satisfied with friendship, I honestly thought I could change that. So because I am at a point in my life where I can't go through all this emotional trauma again and worked so hard to be in a good place before this...I am wanting to tell him once and for all that I am still in love with him and that I have always been. I want him to know that I cant be friends and he needs to tell me theres no chance for us so that my heart can learn to accept that, I need to hear him say it. Of course if he says it I will have to end all contact with him until I am fully over him. At the same time I feel bad for leaving him at what seems to be a lonely time for him, as he told me he has no one. I dont know what to do but I cant handle all these wounds that are openings and the hole in my heart every night. So please share your opinions..should I tell him so that I can move on once and for all. Or are the signs clear that I should just keep it to myself and move on...if he wants me he would tell me kinda thing. Please help.

[dontaskme]

If by telling him how you feel and in return, needing to hear from him how he feels will give you the closure you need to end the "fukc buddy relationship" you have with your ex, then by all means, do it. Just be prepared for the possibility of rejection. And don't worry about leaving and him being lonely, your main responsibility is your well-being, not his. I'm sure his a grown man and can take care of his own needs.