when do I commit and stop seeing others

[twooddtrees]

So I have learned that you should not abandon all other options too soon. However here is my situation.
I started dating a gal I really do dig. I am 43 she is 39. So it has been 4 weeks now. So had a first date it was great, she lives two hours away so a few days later she came to me. Great connection. Then I went to her and stayed the night, and then she spent a friday-monday with me. Now she is off visiting family for 3 weeks. We did not have the exclusive talk. We do want to keep going and see where it goes. So as of now we are not bF GF. But it does seem like it will go there, but we all have seen things get weird and suddenly vanish. So, now I have a new gal who wants a date with me. So do I go ahead and still date a few while she is gone, until we decide we are committed?
I have made that mistake in the past of burning bridges with others after a great first date and then she flakes and I just threw away other potential dates.
So I am wondering when I should pull back on others and sort of commit on my own.

Thoughts?

[benfletcher82]

I think from what I'm getting out of this, she could want something else but she knows that you date around? Maybe if you have something going with this girl, then it's worth committing to her and talk about being exclusive with her? There's obviously some kind of tension there and if you feel like you want to, then why not?

[TheEvilJester]

I mean, I don't think there is really a magic number as to when is the right amount of time to begin to have the exclusivity talk. I will say that I think 4 weeks is a little too soon to actually nail it down, but that could just be me. However, I will say this.... Even if you do feel 4 weeks is too soon to actually have the discussion..... that doesn't have to mean you aren't maybe leaning that way yourself.

If you think it is going well and you may want to take things to the next step, you can always feel free to stop dating other women even if you haven't had that talk yet. Of course, just understand that if the talk has not happened, it could be possible she is still dating others, and that doesn't necessarily mean she ISN'T as into the relationship as you, she just may not have stopped because you've not yet decided that.

So, at this stage I think it honestly comes down to something on which we cannot necessarily comment. It really comes down to how you personally feel. Do you feel like you'd just be going through the motions if you went on other dates because you really just want to move further with this gal? Then I'd say DON'T go on any other dates because if you DO you should at least be giving them your full attention and giving them an actual shot or you are just wasting their time and yours.

On the other hand, if instead you'd feel like you are possibly depriving yourself of a connection with somebody else if this relationship winds up not working out, then I say DO go on dates with other women for now. Heck, you can always stop if and when things DO progress with this gal. So, I think it really more so comes down to where your mind and heart are at right now. BOTH should come into the equation.

I will say this, though.... If you DO decide to stop dating other women.... then in turn it doesn't work out with her after all.... Don't beat yourself up too much. Hopefully that doesn't happen, but if it does, at least know that you did what you felt was right at the time. It ISN'T wasted time/a missed opportunity, because you thought you were doing what was right. Again, hopefully it doesn't come to that anyway, but I can see how concern over that could cloud your judgment, so I think it is good to keep that in mind. Good luck! I hope it goes well for you, whichever way you decide to go.