I have a real conflict that I need to work out...about love and dreams

[MaestroMike]

Hi everyone. Let me start by saying I'm glad I've found a place where I can voice what's in my head. I have friends and family members that I can't talk to about these things and I really need to vent. I appreciate anyone who's able to provide me with some sort of guidance.....

The last time I was in a relationship was nearly 5 years ago. I lived in my hometown and at the time I was young and full of love. My girlfriend at the time was someone that I grew up with in my early years, between (I believe) the age of 3-6. I moved away from that town that we grew up in and moved somewhere else, she contacted me through Facebook and we just hit it off from there, instant connection and instantly I found a feeling in my heart that I've never had before.... True love. She was the best thing that ever happened to me at the time... we did so much together and the number one thing that I miss the most is her touch.

Sadly, she cheated on me with another guy... I found out months before I was set to move away, and I think it's because she couldn't handle that. It was crappy of her to do it, but I've moved on.


I'm now in another stage of my life. I started a career that I've really been doing well in. I have spent most of my time on my job and have a great deal of responsibility where I am.

But now I think I'm starting to lose that feeling I once had. I haven't let a woman into my life for quite some time. I have dreams on a regular basis... dreams about being with someone, cuddling them, feeling their touch...loving someone. But each time I wake up and feel a waterfall of sorrow fall over me...some mornings it really hurts.


I guess my question is in here somewhere... I think what I'm trying to ask is something like this... the way I feel, about wanting someone to hold, wanting someone to put my arms around and just feel them... is it unreasonable? Is this thought that I have in my head unrealistic? Is it puppy love?

I'm in a real conflict. I just can't get past it. I think I need someone who can confirm what I'm thinking is real...and not fantasy.

[angel_of_death]

What you are craving is normal. We are human social creatures after all. I feel for you for what happened to you in your previous relationship. Is that the reason why you haven't let any other women into your life, fear of being hurt again ?

[relblogger]

Hey dude.

Absolutely reasonable. It is never unreasonable to want the things that we crave the most (apart from addictions of course).

I was basically single all the way up until I was 27. Seriously, I had a fling here and there but it never ever lasted long. And the one thing that I craved the most was a happy family. And when we don't get what we crave we start to ask ourselves the questions, "why am I not receiving this? Am I unworthy?" Just don't get caught in that sink hole.

The trick is, and you've probably heard this a million times before is to stop looking. Because I bet you're looking right now aren't you? Stop desperately trawling everywhere and just stop.

Go find a hobby, join a group, volunteer somewhere and generally do something that might add worth and good feeling to your life.

Then watch them flock to you like bees to their Queen.

P.S. Avoid any meat markets like the pub, nightclubs or any of that young jazz - you're never going to meet anyone reasonable from there.

[lovesickheart]

I think we were created to love and be loved. Thats why it hurts so much when it is lacking in our lives.
Go out and date someone! Fill that void. You deserve to have all those things you dream about.

[TheEvilJester]

What you want is perfectly normal. In fact, I think it makes you awesome to be a guy and want that. Most guys are just all about "Sex! Sex! SEX!!!!" Especially at a young age. God, I sometimes feel so alone in this world because, while sex is great, I've never personally felt it is AS important as people make it out to be. To me, that intimacy and love you describe is so much more important.

Good God, do I feel your pain. It is getting so hard for me to believe it is truly out there these days. Lately, where I've personally landed is that I know it exists and I know it is out there.... I just don't think it is for me. I'm sure I'll dig myself out of this at some point, but I've just begun to accept the fact that it probably won't happen for me.

But I think that does offer me unique insight to be able to tell you from experience.... with every fiber of your being that you can possibly use to fight it, do not allow yourself to fall into that same trap. Believe me, it sucks. Been there before, having such a hard time not plummeting back there now. What you want is not only normal, it is noble and respectable. So, don't give up. Get out there and try to find the right girl for you. You were hurt by the wrong one, but what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. You will now be better equipped to find the right gal this time. That isn't to say you won't be hurt again. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But, don't let the potential for hurt be what stops you from trying. At least that is one positive thing I can say for my situation. That isn't what stops me, nor should you let it stop you.

Good luck, friend. Like I said, I feel your pain, so I'm really pulling for you. Get out there and TAKE your piece of the pie.... Then come back here and tell us all about it so I can live vicariously through you. LOL!