Should I make a big deal of this...body shots

[twooddtrees]

OK, in a new relationship, about two months in. Things are perfect. She is perfect, but...
I do not drink, by choice. I dated an alcoholic and that has left me with some issues. I have not drank in 17 years.
SO here is the rub:
I took her to a party to introduce her to my friends. We where playing cards against humanity. Great time. She held onto me was social, fantastic. She drank a lot, as did everyone but me. So at one break they all go take shots in the kitchen. She is gone a few so I go to see whats up. She is up on a table and the girls are taking body shots off her. I was a bit shocked but figured...whatever, they are all drunk. Then two guys did! I left the room. I was not going to be that controlling jealous guy, and I didn't want the image in my mind, or to make a scene. I didn't know what to do.
So after the break she is hugging up to me and senses something is wrong. We leave. I tell her simply..."I didn't like the guys taking shots off of you." very calmly. She begins crying and apologizing and saying she has ruined everything..etc.. I tell her all is fine etc. Next day she apologizes for drinking too much and tears up and I said that's OK, we are fine etc...

So ..I do not know if this is a big deal or not. I do not drink, I do not party and I do not know if this means I need to worry when she goes out with friends. I do not think she would cheat. But...

Help me understand. I do tend to over analyze and over react. so please help.

[melancholia]

It doesn't have to be a bigger deal than it is. You told her you didn't like the fact that guys were taking shots off her body (which is understandable, I wouldn't like other chicks taking shots of my boyfriend's body either). It sounds like she was just having fun and didn't think about how it would bother you in the moment. When you told her that it did bother you, she most likely regretted it and that's why she became upset. If you are actually okay now, and you can move past the incident, just talk to her about your reasons for not drinking, and explain to her that while you are happy that she can have fun, that crossing boundaries like that isn't okay with you. Once you have the conversation and put your expectations out on the table, you can leave it up to her to decide if she wants to meet those expectations. I do think you should just move on and try not to dwell on that specific incident.

[dollhouse]

Was she drunk at the time? did she think you'd enjoy seeing that since you don't even drink yourself and she is your GF? To me the tears might have been real but sound turned on to me..watch her at the next party see if what you told her sunk in.

[Wakeup]

Its only been two months. You've told her what you wanted to tell her, she's sorry and seems remorseful. Now, all you have to do is see if she's going to do it again. If she does, then you know that you need to get yourself away from her.

Good luck, I hope you and she can make a go of it. Just be cognizant of the fact that you don't drink at all and so far, she's shown you that she enjoys it quite a lot so all that's left is to see if you are compatible enough to be able to get around those two very non-compatible (important) items.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't think you were wrong at all to not be okay with this. In fact, to be perfectly honest with you, I myself cannot fathom how she thought for even a second that this was okay. The gals taking body shots off her was one thing, and I could maybe see letting slide. Other guys doing it was, to me, crossing a boundary into inappropriateness given that she is in a relationship with you. If she were single, fine, but she's not.

That said.... I agree with the others that I don't think it necessarily needs to be a big deal. I mean, one, she was drunk, and inebriated individuals often do not make the best decisions. Two, it at least seems like she did not do it intending to hurt you, or do it knowing it could but just neglectfully not even considering it or caring. It sounds like it just didn't even occur to her anything was wrong with it. Again, I personally don't see how she couldn't, but maybe that is just me. I don't drink, nor do I engage in activities like that, so I have to give folks the benefit of the doubt on things like that since I don't necessarily understand them myself.

The bottom line it rolls down to is whether or not it feels like a big deal to you. She seems sincerely sorry for what she did. Of course, some people are really good at SEEMING sincerely sorry when they are, in fact, not. You have no reason to believe she'd be that deceptive yet, so for now I would say just give her the benefit of the doubt that she is true to her word. Hopefully there will not be a repeat or even similar offense, and then there will be no further reason to worry.

I definitely do think you had every right to be upset, but I also think you made the right choice in not making a bigger deal out of it. Hopefully she proves worthy of that trust. Good luck.