What to do with someone who doesn't seem to want to commit, but gets clingy???

[Cleomobile]

So, I've read tons of books (only if they are on kindle unlimited for free!), that advise women to play hard to get; act aloof; NEVER contact him, let him contact you; never be “available” to him all the time; etc. Is this for real? I have run this stuff past a few guy friends, and I get mixed reactions. One that seemed to stand out to me was from my best guy friend who said "It really doesn't matter what you do or don't do. If he's really into you, you will know it."

So what’s the deal? I’m dating someone now. I’ll call him J. It’s not serious, but I've noticed when he thinks I’m with someone else, he starts to get clingy. If I tell him I’m busy with work or family; or going to yoga; etc.…he seems to be fine with it. When I don’t tell him what I’m doing I get a million questions, constant texts/phone calls of "How's it going?" or "What are you doing now?" or "I wish I could be with you now..." and it seems he thinks I'm with someone else. But when I begin communicating or being available to him, he backs off. It just makes me wonder if he’s really into me or into the chase?

It also makes me think about how I am with men. The ones I don’t want seem to constantly bug me with texts and phone calls and wanting to get together, etc. Or maybe that’s my imagination because when I see their name come across I think “Ugh. Not him again!” They seem to get upset when I’m too busy for them.

J, on the other hand, is perfectly content when I’m busy…unless he thinks I’m busy with someone else.

I realize I’m kind of all over the place here, but I’m not sure what to do with J. I just want to know what’s up with him and how to deal with him, especially if I want more of a relationship with him. I really like J, but am not taking myself off the market unless he’s ready to commit. Any advice is appreciated.

[jrharvey]

Ok I will tell you what to do with books that say that. Its garbage and should be thrown away. If you wait around for a guy to chase you then well your gonna attract the wrong kind of guy that you never really wanted. You will get that clingy, insecure guy who blows up your phone because he has nothing else going on.

Now think about this and let it blow your mind. Your just not attracted to the guys that blow up your phone BECAUSE THEY BLOW UP YOUR PHONE! They are chasing you. How does that make you feel? I bet it makes you feel like they are thirsty and dying to get a piece of you. That turns you completely off right? Now if some of those same guys played it cool and just acted interested but not crazy with you i bet things would be different. Now think to yourself... Do you really want a guy to chase you like crazy like in the books? I know you dont. No girl wants that.

I bet every woman here wants a man right? Not a boy. Men are strong and they say what they want and if you don't like it they will walk and find someone worth their time. Right? Boys get jealous and cry and beg for your attention.

If you obey those books you will end up sad and lonely or with a guy your never happy with. Just my opinion.